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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I wasn't as did say anything but would I have been if...

133 replies

MascaraOHara · 10/04/2008 13:47

I told the woman who let her 2 small-ish (but old enough to be told) hildren to stop staring at me whilst I was naked in a communal shower at the gym?

I didn't cover myself up as didn't think about it at the time but I did feel like perhaps I should have afterwards and felt a bit guilty.

I heard one of them say "mummy there is someone in the shower" and then they both came abck for a curious look.. now if it were me and dd I would have called her back and said to dd something like "please don't stare, concentrate on what you're doing" instead ofleaving her there to have a good old stare at naked woman..

They were there for a fair while.

Would I have been unreasonable to call out to the mother that I was naked and perhaps she might want to stop her children staring at me?

What is the etiquette with stare-y children and nakedness in these situations?

OP posts:

SueBaroo · 10/04/2008 15:01

I'm happy with my issues. But I don't go to swimming pools, so my dilemmas are rare.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 10/04/2008 15:01

x-posts sorry to hear that NJM.. hope you are feeling better soon

OP posts:

contentiouscat · 10/04/2008 15:01

I seem to remember that the girls who were happy wandering around in the buff in the showers at school were also the sporty netball/hockey loving ones...and therefore not my kind of people.

I assume the nude mums at the pool are the same ones just all grown up

notjustmom · 10/04/2008 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

contentiouscat · 10/04/2008 15:09

tbh in single sex changing room I wouldnt be surprised to see someone showering in the nude...of course they would have not cause to complain if my sons looked at them though (they are at that difficult age where they are only just too young to go in the boys on their own)

if the showers are mixed sex then I would think nudity inappropriate.

susiecutiebananas · 10/04/2008 15:14

My goodness, I'm really really surprised at the response of some people on this thread. The really unpleasant, really quite rude reactions such as 'get a grip' among others... WHOLLY unnecessary.

THe OP is asking a fairly benign question, about what she ought to have done in this situation. nothing more. Then when she felt she was being 'flamed' someone has a go about that.

What is wrong with people here sometimes? Is it that you are feeling particularly unkind today? or aggressive for some reason? THis is one of the things that disappoints me about MN, regularly. Why feel the need to be so unpleasant. I simply don't understand. JUst don't answer on the thread if you feel like that Fine, to give a constructive opinion, and one which may hugely differ from others on the thread, including the OP, but really, why the need to just be plain nasty?

Anyway ... I think I'm right i thinking that the OP just simply wanted to know if it would have been a good idea to tell the mum of the Dc staring, that it was fine by her, but just make sure she knew they were staring at a naked woman...

AM I right in thinking OP, that you didn't have an issue with them staring, NOR that you were naked, but, were concerned the mum would not have realised you were naked, and therefore might come after you for 'exposing' yourself at her young children? At least, I think thats what you were saying!

I would have just said really nicely, coo-ee, just wanted to let you know, I have no issues with it, but you ought to know i've showering naked and your little ones are watching, not sure if you'd be ok with it" Or words to that affect.

stillstanding · 10/04/2008 15:20

It also really depends on how old the children were. After a certain age I think it would be rude of them to stare and the other mother should have called them away. Wouldn't get worked up about it though (and Mascara I don't think you did incidentally ...)

At our swimming pool there are shower cubicles with shower curtains in the mixed changing room. There is one little boy who always comes over when I am showering and waves the curtain. I understand that kids play with the curtains but it does leave me totally exposed and I do feel rather annoyed that the mother doesn't call him off ...

S1ur · 10/04/2008 15:22

Susie I think this has actually been covered.
Yes I think DSM came across a tad aggressive, she apologised, she didn't meqan to. OP wasn't amazingly clear but I and most others got it and responded, usually along the lines of nah no need for public announcement. Squonk said flamed and then retracted.

So why is this thread now indicative of the disappointing nature of MN sometimes? See now I think thats a bit unnecessary actually. People aren't really being plain nasty. They are either poking fun or disagreeing. Usually both.

susiecutiebananas · 10/04/2008 15:40

I'm glad it was already covered. I hadn't read on. At that point, it was indicative, of what happens on many threads. People do say things like that, without apologising. There the get a grip comments was concurred by someone else too. I have read many times, someone being plain nasty.

Of course, there is no problem with having a different opinion, and also, poking fun, so long as the person being made fun of, realises that is what is happening.

we will have to agree to disagree, as I also think it is unnecessary, to have picked me up in on my post, which I felt justified, considering what I had read.

If it has all been covered, apologies made etc, then, no need to carry it on surely. I obviously hadn't read the whole thread. you could have simply pointed that out to me.

DirtySexyMummy · 10/04/2008 15:50

Oh for goodness sake.. if you can't be nice and sweet and 'ooh poor you, yes of course you are right then don't answer the thread?

If you can't handle opposing responses, don't post on a public forum asking if you are being unreasonable!

I think the OP is ridiculous. And I am allowed to say it! I am not 'outraged' - i just thnink this is so funny!

MOH - this isn't actually directed at you, BTW!

Bumdiddley · 10/04/2008 15:57

YABU If this happened to me, as the mother, I would have said "That's nice dear"...

I had a 6 year old point at me in a shower and say "You've got hairs. HUNDREDS of them"

S1ur · 10/04/2008 15:59

See susie I wouldn't ever tell someone to just read the thread I think its a bit rude and dismissive. So I tried to outline what had happened. Clearly upseting you a bit in the meantime, sorry.

Also, yeah I didn't have to pick you up on the doom of mn thing, it's just I keep reading it and it begins to bug a bit. But yep, course mn can be nasty sometimes, I have just seen better examples than this thread to point it out on. But meh.

This thread has had it all, laughs, hysteria, crossness, oh and actual responses, it was probably right to chuck in a bit of this thread shows what is wrong with mn

Hope me answering you doesn't mean I've pissed oyu off more.

susiecutiebananas · 10/04/2008 16:04

I didn't say, don't answer the thread if you are not in agreement, or saying ooh poor you etc... I said if all you can do is be unnecessarily nasty, and not constructive then don't. As that helps no one.

I am not suggesting that you should not say you think something is outrageous.It the way it was all said. Your posts, in particular came across as being really unnecessarily aggressive, considering the topic was really not hugely important. It was someone wondering what she' should have done. Thats all.

susiecutiebananas · 10/04/2008 16:05

Slur my last post was aimed at DSM, not you, I hope you realise. I appreciate you're response, thank you

krang · 10/04/2008 16:08

Bloody hell, I didn't know it was considered 'brazen' to get naked in a changing room.

I must be the Scarlet Woman of Cricklewood.

awaits angry 18th century reverend with flaming torches to denounce me as a witch

susiecutiebananas · 10/04/2008 16:15

oh, also, I agree, it is written around the place a fair bit more recently. I know i'm particularly sensitive at the moment, not overly, but I know more than usual.
Having conflict and generally unhappy shit times in RL makes it all the more important to be able to come on somewhere like this, and not then see more conflict etc....

I hate conflict, and usually try really hard to avoid it. Sometimes, If i see someone being got at and I think it unfair, I fell compelled to say something.

I am truly shocked at some things I've read on MN. I mean by that, some of the ways people respond to others, and the things that get said. It's like if you can't see the person, then it ok to be utterly disrespectful, and not ehave in a way you would to someone face to face. Something I find difficult to accept.

SquonkTheBeerGuru · 10/04/2008 16:18

hey, slur... throw in a bit of cod-bashing and this thread truly will have it all !

Rachmumoftwo · 10/04/2008 16:19

It's good to be naked! It is one thing to strut around poolside in the nude, and I wouldn't feel comfortable if people were doing that, but in the shower, in a cubicle?!
I would have wanted to have something witty to say to the mum to make her aware that her children were being a bit nosy without causing offence. Unfortunately I struggle to come up with such things.
Personally, my children are expected to sit on the bench next to me while I change, not wander off annoying people/slipping over etc.

S1ur · 10/04/2008 16:36

Sorry rl interuption.

Agree susie, there are sometimes shite things said on here, I suppose I was just being 'board' defensive iyswim

I'm generally impressed by people pulling others up on nastiness. I see that a lot too, and its good. it is always a fine line between nastiness and disagreeing vociferiously. ANd that line is different case by case.

Anyway, I'm sorry your rl times aren't fab and brill. Feel better

Oh and that Cod shes a one isn't she, tsk

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 10/04/2008 16:40

blimey.

It's not even a full moon.

OP posts:

CrushWithEyeliner · 10/04/2008 16:48

"coo-ee, just wanted to let you know, I have no issues with it, but you ought to know i've showering naked and your little ones are watching, not sure if you'd be ok with it"

I'm sorry but if you said this to me at the gym I would think you were clinically insane

bergentulip · 10/04/2008 17:00

Me too

But also, if my child came home saying 'so and so's mummy was naked today', I would assume that she was getting dressed.. not jump to massive conclusions. It would not worry me! Likewise 'so and so's daddy had no clothes on...'

I would probably think it slightly amusing, and just odd, to be honest. I would hardly assume they were perverts(!) I'd most likely reply with 'that's nice dear'- unless I had cause to assume otherwise.
And then raise an eyebrow to myself and make mental note that these people live a.. umm.... bohemian lifestyle.

In a shower, if I knew my child was staring at some poor woman trying to have a shower, I'd escort them away quietly, but it would not bother me.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2008 17:09

Which MNers child parted the buttocks of a naked lady in a gym to get a close look??

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 10/04/2008 17:20

No way, soupy?!? Is that for real, I must have missed that thread! LMAO at the thought.

OP posts:

HairyToe · 10/04/2008 17:20

lol soupdragon I remember reading that too . It wasn't me - just had me shivering with embarrassment at the thought of being either party

So who was it... ?

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