to feel this way towards my own child?!

[flaope]

Ds is 21 months. I spend one day a week with him and work four days. I am a single parent but he does see his dad most weeks. I do have the chance for a break etc. But the issue is that I am so bored.

I find it all soooo boring! And it makes me feel terrible because I know when I do sit and play he loves it but more than 20 minutes and I feel like I’m slowing losing my brain cells. I get so bored. The majority of the day is picking up mess or wiping shit off my hands or struggling into a car seat or whatever. Then I’m often attacked when trying to dress him or he’s angry about something out of the blue. I know it’s all usual toddler stuff but I find it so horrendously boring that I genuinely count down the hours :( it makes me so sad as I feel like a terrible mum. I wonder if I am doing something wrong?! I do have structure to our days together. Fresh air, park, play area, walk, soft play, meet other mums… I do things with him but it’s just so. So. So. Boring. And I don’t think other mums feel this way! Am I getting this wrong and damaging him? I don’t want him to sense how bored and fed up I am.

I think it’s normal to feel like this, as they get older you can do more interesting things / actually chat to them. He would not know you are bored at his age. The days are repetitive.

You are not damaging him. From what you’ve posted you do plenty with him. Is he in childcare the 4 days you work? He will do loads of things there too.

@Bournetilly yes nursery four days. I dread the day off with him. It’s so full on but basically full of stress and relentless behaviour. I don’t find it fun at all :(

I think it is what you make it. Maybe try some new things with him, arrange some playdates?

Toddlers are boring. I hated running around after a toddler, playing with toys, soft play, etc. I prefer older children.

Yes I get very bored as well, and my DD is 4. I'm so fed up of playgrounds and soft play. Everything else just seems a million miles away or is just too much effort.

I think it is normal to feel like this especially early on and improves a lot with age.

I got through the early days by having a podcast playing on one earphone whilst playing or on walks etc. I could still engage with LO but was able to listen to something enjoyable at the same time.

Yeah its boring! Go to a soft play place - then he can pootle around!!

Have you considered nursery 5 days per week? It might the best thing seeing as you don’t enjoy spending the day together and then feel guilty about having these feelings. Motherhood can be hard, the toddler years are hard work!

I think it’s what you make it, too.

Yup, really boring, you look at pictures of them in a few years and wonder why you weren’t cuddling them constantly because they were sooooo cute. But yeah truly mind numbing.

This. DD 13 is fascinating so it does eventually fade.

Your bored cause it’s boring.

Bored to tears until they turn 3, then I find they become good enough company to be interesting.

I would suggest staying at home with him isn’t great fun, arrange a trip out or something he hasn’t done.- butterflies! Castles, churches, flower garden, park with ducks. Went from A to B on a bus- son had best day ever.

Work out which bit is most boring a mix it up. He won’t be this young for ever!

Ime young dc can be coerced to enjoy adult pass times... Ds was loving a trip to a cafe from a very early age. It became our special time on his days off nursery. Eggs on toast at our supermarket cafe didn't break the bank and taught him a lot!!

What do you actually do with your day together?
My oldest is slightly past yours now but even at just under 2 they could play fairly independently for periods of time throughout the day.
For a day with them it would be something like
wake up, leisurely breakfast, some free play while I get ready, dress toddler, let her pick
then walk to local park for a play date or a cafe just us two followed by park. Home for lunch and nap. I would chill during nap time.
Wake from nap, maybe a trip in the pram to the shop, home for some free play plus something structured - baking, playdo etc then maybe a show before dinner, dinner, bath bed.
When it’s written out it seems monotonous but I don’t actually find it boring.

You don’t need to do loads with him on your days off if it’s stressful. He will be doing so much at nursery anyway. What about putting him in nursery during the morning or afternoon only on the 5th day? If he still has a nap time it so he has his nap at home.

I found this with mine. They were amusing to watch at times, but not really to interact with. They're teens now and tbh, I get frustrated at how limited dd's conversation is, in spite of all my efforts. She's not interested in.... anything. And there's only so many times I can enthuse over our pets with her.

I have such guilt but I went back to work when youngest was 7 months and oldest was 2 and a half . I went full time .

I love my children but I don’t want to be at home. 6 months on and I still feel so guilty . Like I’m not fit to be a mother because I drop my children at nursery 5 days a week but I just don’t want to be at home. I was so down. I love my children but I find I count down the hours until bed time after I pick them
up at 4 and then on the weekend by Sunday afternoon I’m ready to get back to work. I feel so guilty and I worry i will look back and regret this when they are older. I love them so much but want to be at work and have some time .

Thats a tricky age, they needs lots of input and exercise but they can't communicate much back.

It sounds as if you're doing lots with him already on your day off. I find being out for a big chunk of the day somewhere I also like, really helps.

I'm a SAHM with a 3.5 year old, with no friends or family nearby and mine only attends pre school for 1.5 days (and only since this year!). Doing things I like as well as parks etc has kept me sane! I do quite far afield too to mix it up.

I had a 20 year busy career before this so it's been quite a culture shock.

I'd recommend watching Erica Komisar on YouTube. You'll find a lot of really helpful and insightful advice watching her interviews. Especially recommend her interview in Lila Rose's channel.

Once he starts chatting away to you, it will get better :)

I started to enjoy playing with my DDs by realising how much they enjoy you engaging with them and you do get a sense of satisfaction from it. If I played with my DDs for say half an hour I'd then reward myself with a nice cuppa & biscuit/TV programme etc, something nice for myself. I started to look forward to playing dolls etc because I could see how much they loved it too

Agree if you find it boring and can do 5 days nursery then do. I'm a single parent and as a toddler my daughter went through a stage of being up 11-4am. I had every other weekend off and a day off in the week and worked every other weekend she was with her dad. That day off in the week was for me to sleep and recoup and sort the house out. I hated messy play at home and they did loads at nursery 😂 I never regretted putting her in nursery full time. Now she is nearly 9 we are the best of friends and she is amazing company, very funny, clever and able to do a lot independently. I have health issues and she is fine with me sleeping for an hour whilst she watches a film and very understanding. It is a million times easier now! We have our own in jokes and routines and life is good. Babies and toddlers are hard work, especially as a lone parent you have no one to share your grief with! Don't feel guilty begrudging aspects your life. Work saved me as a lone parent I admire those who stay at home full time as I'm definitely not cut out for that!