to feel this way towards my own child?!

[flaope]

Ds is 21 months. I spend one day a week with him and work four days. I am a single parent but he does see his dad most weeks. I do have the chance for a break etc. But the issue is that I am so bored.

I find it all soooo boring! And it makes me feel terrible because I know when I do sit and play he loves it but more than 20 minutes and I feel like I’m slowing losing my brain cells. I get so bored. The majority of the day is picking up mess or wiping shit off my hands or struggling into a car seat or whatever. Then I’m often attacked when trying to dress him or he’s angry about something out of the blue. I know it’s all usual toddler stuff but I find it so horrendously boring that I genuinely count down the hours :( it makes me so sad as I feel like a terrible mum. I wonder if I am doing something wrong?! I do have structure to our days together. Fresh air, park, play area, walk, soft play, meet other mums… I do things with him but it’s just so. So. So. Boring. And I don’t think other mums feel this way! Am I getting this wrong and damaging him? I don’t want him to sense how bored and fed up I am.

Eh you get out what you put in with young children. They aren’t magically going to have an amazing and engaging personality if you don’t do anything with them to build that.
If you and OP are so triggered by suggestions of some things to build into the day to make it more enjoyable then cool for you.

Literally nothing you enjoy? Don’t get me wrong the toddler years were hard and I would never go through it again- twice was enough. But there were always moments in the drudgery that I’d smile or hold dear.

Do you have a friend with a baby of the similar age you can spend an hour with whilst you have your child. That makes it more bearable

I hated those years. They were boring and complete drudgery. I’d try to find something you like doing on your day off. E.g. go clothes shopping and he can sit in his buggy.
Or take him swimming - this has the added bonus of tiring him out so he will nap longer.

You’re strangely aggressive.

You know that saying that 'they're only babies for a short time'? It's an evolutionary thing - because half of us would go batshit crazy if it lasted any longer.

It gets so much better when you can plonk them on top of the tumble dryer to wibble on about their day, opinions about what the cat is thinking, get involved in the tricky business of getting every last bit of cake mix out of the bowl with their fingers and tell you about how when they saw Daddy last, he farted so loud that it made everybody jump.

You're nearly there - and once you have this wonderful little person seeing and beginning to understand the world and talk about it for the first time, it's a lovely day, instead of the most boring day of screaming, shitting, tidying and generally wishing that for once, they could put a sock on without hurling themselves on the floor and wailing because it's the wrong sock of the pair going on first.

And you're strangely patronising instead of being supportive.

What happens at weekends?

What do you enjoy doing?
do something you enjoy & take toddler with you

I love walking so toddlers were on my back & walked all over (do the boring bit with them on your back then let them down somewhere interesting)
I love visiting historic sites & museums so we did lots of that too
Read lots of books & poetry with them

(disclaimer is that I LOVE toddlers)

It's the other way around with our age gap
I love my mini me at nearly 4

The 13 year old is a different species

Mine became much better company and easier after he was 2 and I started to actually enjoy our day at home together.

Perfectly normal I think. I’m not at this stage yet (5 month old) and yep it’s boring at times. My mum felt the same as she warned me that raising kids can be boring at times. It’s just constant and not very stimulating but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum.

Yes, it's utterly dull. It will get better soon - I found a big change at 2.5, and then again at 3.5. By then I actually enjoyed my day with him and really miss it now he's at school (but there are a million holidays so you still get it if you stay part time).

I used to just do what I wanted to do. Obviously there are limits - a screeching toddler in a museum is no fun, to me, because you can't focus. But time it for nap time and you might get an hour. I mostly went into a big town at that age - plenty of things for them to look at, get a nice lunch in a cafe, run errands, keep them in the pushchair so you can move at adult speed, go for a potter around a municipal garden or park if there is one. A bus ride is always fun (for them). Then home for a nap, transfer to cot if they fall asleep in the car, you get a bit of a break, and then a little local walk before dinner.

It's monotonous and I honestly don't know how SAHMs do it, but you are getting to the better bit.

Mine is 2 next month and up until about 4/5 months ago I felt the same. The big change has been my DC happens to be an early talker. Now he can talk in full sentences and chat away, plus his independent and imaginative play have taken off, the two days a week I’m off work with him are really pleasant.

So it might be right around the corner!

You sound like a lovely mum anyway, kids can be boring and you’re doing loads of great stuff with yours

Lone parent here and I found the toddler years bloody awful too. You are not alone.

I found walks in the fresh air and going swimming good in the afternoon, it exhausted her and it meant a long quiet evening

This boring bit doesn't last long OP.

Pretend you’re an actress playing a good mum and just play with him. Also choose to do things you like doing so music videos as well as ‘hey Duggee’. Get some fresh air and treats for you as well as him. It is tedious sometimes.

I used to feel the same as you with my one day off a week with my eldest. Then I had a second, now my days off with the two of them aren’t boring at all, I just don’t have time to be bored.

But yanbu, parenting young children can be amazing but it can also be repetitive and boring. I get out of the house as much as possible and we usually go out for a walk and lunch on my non working day as it’s something I like to do anyway so I don’t feel like I’m just doing kid things.

Get to a playgroup then he will hopefully go off and play you'll get coffee and cake and chat with grown ups and then only the afternoon to 'kill' take him swimming again something else with structure that uses up time then if you are out most of the day he will hopefully chill abit when you get back. He's used to being at nursery 4 full days they will be kept pretty busy there

You need to do things that you actually enjoy with him, and not do activities just because you think he'll like them. If you like being out at the park, playing duplo and reading then that's the activities. If you hate playgroup, play doh, painting etc then just don't do those things with him. DH and I have some of our own activities we do with DS because we do the things we like.

Kids are more fun when they're older and chatting, but loved that age when they get new skills every day, so it's tricky to know what it is you don't like. If you really can't enjoy it then put him in nursery for the extra day, so then you only have weekends.

Yeah I found the toddler years a hard slog too. I took them out at least once a day, preferably in the morning to some sort of activity. I went to 3 different playgroups, a toddler gym class and swimming. If there was nothing on I'd do soft play or the play park. It's still boring but at least you get to talk to other mums in the same boat.

I found if I'd been out in the morning the afternoon tended to go better as they were a bit more tired.

My youngest is now 4 and things are so much better. I'm still not a fan of pretend play but we can do arty stuff without it creating a messy disaster, play simple board games and do baking. Also they will sit still long enough to cuddle up and watch a movie. Better days are ahead honestly!

It is only boring if you make it so. Put a bit more.imagination and effort into whatever activities you do with him and things will get better. There is nothing more satisfying than helping a new human being explore the world around them and seeing their excitement. It is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and a privilege for you to have this.

It will be boring if you regard it as doing kids' stuff rather than an exciting challenge. It is a delight to share a child's joy in new discoveries and to know you have been the one to help him achieve that.

You are not losing your brain cells ... you are just not using them productively in the challenge of helping your child engage with the world. Read up on the brain development of babies and children and you will understand better what a miracle it all is ... how many millions of brain connections you are encouraging each day. You are literally changing the shape if his brain day by day.

If you can approach it all in a positive way you will see what a rewarding job it can be. Ask a teacher what gives them satisfaction and they will say it iscwatchng a pupil's "light bulb moment" and knowing they have been the one to make this happen.

do you have any mum friends you can do these activities with, like feeding the ducks, walking to the park etc, or gives the little a ones a play mate and you some adult conversation!

Weirdly I found it better with 2 - one toddler wasn't enough to keep us busy. Baby and a toddler generated enough busy work so I didn't have time to get too bored.

I don't enjoy playing either, I would force myself to do it once a day for half an hour but that's it. The rest of the time we had to be either out at a group/with mum friends so I could have a cup of tea and an adult chat. Or doing a child-friendly activity I found vaguely acceptable like modelling clay, drawing or baking. That way I could make or draw something interesting as well 🤣

I refuse to martyr myself entirely for my children, I love them but I'm the adult and at that age they are along for the ride to some extent.

I found mum friends who were similar so we just all went places, taking our kids along. Sometimes it was parks and picnics, sometimes it was exhibitions.

I'd go on my own too. Just wherever I wanted to go.
At home, an audiobook or podcast on in the background kept me sane.