I feel really upset again this week. On my two days off he’s been here again and I’m back to work tomorrow and annoyingly just like all the other weeks he’s in the office tomorrow and rest of the week! It seems like he does this on purpose; on my days off he’s home and when I’m in work he goes to office too.
Just for context he does nothing and I mean nothing - I look after our 2 children, I cook, clean, do the laundry etc. The thing is people will say I shouldn’t let him affect me and carry on despite him being here but I feel guilty when he’s working and doesn’t eat all day (I suspect he’s got Asperger’s) he would go entire day without eating. As I’m home I feel bad so I make breakfast and lunch for him. whereas if he was not here I can’t really do anything about him eating or not eating as not my problem but it is I feel if I’m home and he’s not eating.
We don’t have a study so he work on kitchen table and does all his meetings and calls there. I hear his voice booming throughout the house. I try to get out in the morning but truthfully I’m burnt out hence I went part time due to my mental health but I hate being home with him. It feels really awkward as I do t feel I can chill out. I imagined dropping the kids off then chilling out watching Netflix on the sofa and spending afternoons doing my chores. I’m really starting to despise him. I tried talking to him but I feel he doesn’t understand and it just leads to arguments (from me as he frustrates me).
I feel my kids are being affected too as I’m still stressed out. The few times he’s had to go to work have been fantastic! I felt so relaxed and gone to work happier and had a lovely weekend as a result of feeling lighter and happier. Today I just feel drained and fed up and I am snapping at my kids. I’m so exhausted I cannot even think about work tomorrow. I don’t feel I’ve had time off I’m so fed up.