To ask you to have a word with me

[Slowhorses1]

DD 8yo wants to cut off all her hair. I KNOW this isn't something I should get steamed up about. I had short hair as a kid, it grows back etc etc.
BUT for some reason I care. If Im being honest I really don't want her to do it. She wants to have hair like Bill in Mallory Towers, but DD hair is fine and straight. She keeps saying she wants 'boys' hair.
Ive booked her into my hairdressers on saturday, and Ive tried to look at inspiration photos but I cant find anything that doesnt make me shudder a bit.

I dont know what my problem is. Please have a word with me, and also tell me what to say to the hairdresser!

It’s a sign she is growing up and making choices. It’s ok. I was the same and once cut I agreed it did look nice ! It’s all about facilitating choices (reasonably!). She wants to look a certain way as we all do, something she is comfortable with.

I didn't know who Bill in Mallory Towers was, so I was thinking it was maybe like a buzzcut or something and I would understand your hesitance.

Having just looked Bill up, YABU

The actress that plays bill on the tv adaption looks amazing with her short hair! It will show off her lovely face. Im so happy you are letting her have the autonomy to make this decision you hear so many parents not wanting their kids to cut their hair and its a shame.

Think of the positives- it will be neat, tidy, less maintenance, less drying time, whats not to like?

Dont let her feel your uneasyness or she could get self conscious about it

I have to admit if my daughter wanted that haircut I would also be doing everything to talk her out of it. Will she agree to slightly longer like a long bob?

Sorry I think it looks awful and especially with fine straight hair even more so. Why does she want this style so much. I have an 8yo and tbh I really don't think that if they are going to look a bit silly you have to go along with it.

@Coconutter24 Ive tried to convince to have a short bob. She has a longer bob at the moment.

@Roundroundthegarden I also think it looks awful! I dont know why she wants it so much. Ive tried telling her she has different hair and it wont look good like that but she really wants it.

I dont want to control her choices about things like this, I think it will backfire. BUT I was thinking maybe i can say something to the hairdresser and he can convinces her a very short bob would be the best option.

I've always let my dd have full say over her hair, over the years she's had long hair, undercut, shorter on one side, bob, every colour you can imagine, buzz cut.... she has grown up (well 16 now so almost) knowing that she has full autonomy over her body, she has been through so many phases she knows what she feels comfortable with, and what style she feels best in.

Just go with it, it's only hair, the message you send her is far more important than hair, which will grow back anyway.

Please let her. Ask the hairdresser to have a word with her about how best to adapt that style fir her hair.

I wanted long hair (shoulder length) as a girl but my DM had it cut. I've never understood why she wouldn't let me.

Maybe I need to question her more about why she wants it like that? I just dont want to make her feel self-conscious.

Op I have thin and fine straight hair too, I had long beautiful hair and decided I wanted to go short. Think I was around 8/9 and fought my dm hard to do it. So she let me and I went for a very short bob kind of hairstyle, similar to what your dd wanted.
It did not suit me and I was in tears for weeks, I looked like a boy and short hair is Really hard to set and style too!
I remember crying so much not wanting to go to school. I'm 42 now and have never had short hair again! Think I was traumatised lol.

@Roundroundthegarden This is what Im trying to tell her! I actually think it would be really hard to look after, and would instantly get annoying as soon as it started to grow out.

I wonder if there is a way that I could get the hairdresser to suggest another style.

I found these images, the first two are most similar to her hair and also the style she said she wanted.

But Id rather she did something like the third image.

Let her have it cut it how she wants!
My parents were very controlling about my hair and I wish they’d let me get the unflattering hair cuts that I wanted to suit me out the way when I was your dds age rather than in my 20s

Have a word with the hairdresser. Would your DD be allowed to use products in her hair or want to spend ages styling it? Those ‘beach head’ styles are actually really difficult to achieve with fine hair unless you use a lot of product and spend ages with the blow dryer.

Surely it suits some people and not others, depending on their face shape?

Some young girls can look lovely with a gamine pixie cut.

They don't all have to be clones!

And it will grow out in three months or so.

I'd just be careful op about the on-line influences that your DD is accessing ATM as she is insisting on "boys hair". Maybe explore a bit with her why she wants to look like a boy and what's wrong with looking like a girl for example? Eight is not too young to be influenced by trans rhetoric.

DD wanted hers boy short but with fine hair and a double crown it was never going to work without a ridiculous amount of styling every day that I knew she wouldn’t do.

We've compromised on boy short one side, bob the other side. It avoids the double crown issue as there’s still enough weight at the back, and looks absolutely fabulous. How about something like that?

Sort of like this

Can we get her another book series with a different spunky heroine maybe? Harry Potter? (Clutching at straws)

@Recuperation7 this is probably at the root of my worry tbh. But she doesnt have any online access. She only watches tv and we monitor her use strictly.

It is great that you DD wants to do something different. It seems like this a rare in younger girls these days.

I would however be careful in going too short all at once, as you do not want her hating it. My suggestion would be to agree that she gets a shorter cut that leaves some length and waits a few weeks. If she still wants the shorter style after that she can return and have the length cut off. As others have mentioned, hair grows back.

I agree with all this. Also, she'll likely look gorgeous. Kids' faces are beautiful with short hair. I am trying to persuade my daughter (4) to have Dora the Explorer hair. I'd love her to crop it too. You can wear any style when you're little. I had mine cut like Jennifer Aniston when she went short, I was 16. I hated it so much but actually, looking back it looked fantastic! Let her own it, love it, hate it, whatever. It's good for her.

When I was a kid I always had short hair. I wanted a really neat bob but that never worked as my hair was fine and I didn't want to style it.
An Irish nan salon gave me a Gary Barlow flattop, against my consent once when I was 13. Not my finest moment!

My dd had hers cut shorter donated over 13 inches to wigs for kids, and within 12 months she had it cut shorter and shorter till its exactly like what your dd says she wants, it was so hard watching her hair going, almost like she was self sabotaging, but my dd absolutely rocks her new look now, and it's been amazing watching her own personality and self esteem growing and developing.

Just go with it, it's only hair, the message you send her is far more important than hair, which will grow back anyway.
This. My DS wanted a haircut I really dont like, but he got it, its his hair not mine. Bodily autonomy is such an important thing to learn. A friend of DDs had all her hair shaved off except a short fringe. I think her parents did the right thing letting her get the cut she wanted. She's happy and confident, I wouldn't say it exactly suited her but she carried it off.

ive been thinking so much about this. I think if the trans issue didn’t loom so large generally I probably wouldn’t be giving it a second thought. It sounds totally daft but it’s hard not to read into any subtext given the current climate around gender etc.

This is the perfect opportunity for discussion and positive reinforcement though.

She can be a girl and have short hair, or you could send the message that girls don't have short hair.

One of my younger dds (9) lives in joggers and tshirts from the boys section. We have talked about how boys and girls sections of clothing is stupid and you just like what you like, and she's totally fine with it, same with clubs, she's the only girl on her football team, and rugby team, same discussions were had around sport at their ages and its totally fine to enjoy whatever clubs she wants.

She's totally comfortable with being a girl, despite people asking if shes a boy (and she has very, very long hair) we do have a close trans family member so she is fully aware of the topics around trans folk as well.

Honestly, how you handle this will give her some of the tools she needs for the rest of her life. Let her have the haircut, give her phrases to say to anyone who is negative, if she hates it then it will grow out and she's learned a lesson, if she loves it then she's learned about how she feels comfortable and what she feels suits her.