To ask you to have a word with me

[Slowhorses1]

DD 8yo wants to cut off all her hair. I KNOW this isn't something I should get steamed up about. I had short hair as a kid, it grows back etc etc.
BUT for some reason I care. If Im being honest I really don't want her to do it. She wants to have hair like Bill in Mallory Towers, but DD hair is fine and straight. She keeps saying she wants 'boys' hair.
Ive booked her into my hairdressers on saturday, and Ive tried to look at inspiration photos but I cant find anything that doesnt make me shudder a bit.

I dont know what my problem is. Please have a word with me, and also tell me what to say to the hairdresser!

I think it’s more important to explain to her that the pictures and people in magazines are people with their own type of hair and their own facial features so she should expect it to not look exactly the same. I’d be worried about the expectation vs reality. There may be disappointment. Then let her do what she wants, she may like it or it may be a valuable lesson in learning about self image and what you see in the media.

If she does a radical short cut now and hates it, she's only 8, it'll grow back.

If you stop her now she'll do it when she's older which could cause a lot more upset (if she doesn't like it, I mean).

Just let her. Of the images you've picked out, I think they're all nice.

Am I missing something, because I really, really don't see the problem with a short haircut?

I don't remember anyone worrying about this when I was little, and I was born in the 70s. Lots of girls had short hair - at least one-third of my school year had short hair when I started secondary school, and the sky did not fall in. Have we gone backwards or what?

I was thinking the same thing. I think we have gone backwards and feel like this trend is not reversing any time soon. I wonder when girls will again be expected to wear dresses all the time unless they are trying to make a statement.

But you're massively reinforcing gender stereotypes if you make her think that only girls who want to be boys can have short hair.

If you're worried about 'the trans issue' then the thing to do is just let her know that girls can still be girls with short hair.

As someone with fine, straight hair it looks so much better short. Let her do what she wants, although I would get the hairdresser to explain to her how the cut she wants can - or can't - be adapted to her hair type/face shape so she isn't disappointed.

Does this have anything to do with the Bill character being played by a non binary actor in the stage production of Malory Towers a few years ago?

My comment is based on my preference, I don’t like short hair, I also don’t like blonde hair, I also don’t like anchovies. It’s not about going backwards it about everyone having their own preference on what they like and dislike. So yes I would try sway my daughter but if she was adamant then I’d take her for it done

My comment was not because we are going backwards, it’s my personal preference. I don’t like short hair I don’t see how that’s going backwards?

I think it's really important that we don't over-focus on what our children look like.

Your daughter wants short hair.

It might be for practical reasons - easier to play sport, easier to wash/comb. It sounds like it might be to look like someone she's seen on TV.

Why do you think the most important thing about your daughter is how she looks?

Do you have some strange idea that her hair is her 'beauty' or 'glory'?

It's altogether possible that she will try it, not like it and change it. Or she might not.

I dont want to control her choices about things like this, I think it will backfire. BUT I was thinking maybe i can say something to the hairdresser and he can convinces her a very short bob would be the best option.

So you want to get someone else to try and control her choices about this, so that you won't have to feel bad about doing it? I don't see what the problem is tbh. My dd (now 18) had an extremely short hair cut at age 10. I absolutely did talk to her about it to be sure it was really what she wanted. She loved it and hasn't had long hair since.

Why is the expectation these days that all girls should have long hair? It's just nonsense. Let them be themselves, be individuals, not a look-alike of every other girl in the class or elsewhere.
Growing up in the 50s long hair wasn't the norm at all. A few girls had long hair but he majority of us had shorter hair, not even collar length.
Let's get away from all this stereotyping. It's teaching girls that they should conform to a certain ideal imposed by - well, by whom? Society? Parents? Family? Peer group?
Think for themselves and encourage them to do so.

@kickerconspiracy no it isn’t. She has only ever seen the TV show.

Thanks for all your advice. @KreedKafer i have spoken to her this afternoon about how of course she can get her hair cut short but how she needs to be aware that peoples hair is different and her hair won’t look like how the actress from Mallory Towers hair looks. I told her lots of women and girls have short hair and that we will speak to the hairdresser about what might work best for her hair. I told her she might have to be adaptable and be prepared to change what she has in her head depending on his advice.

Let her do it @Slowhorses1

My mom cut my hair (I didn't want it cut!) when I was 7, as my hair was thick, long, and curly, and I kept getting nits! 😬 I had had them for about a year.

I was gutted, but it grew back rather quickly. When it grew back I refused to have it cut again. My mom promised she would only cut it shoulder length and she cut it much shorter.

Although... my nits went and never came back again, even when it got longer again.

If your DD wants it short, just let her get on with it...

If you are worried OP, now would be the time to show that girls can have any haircut they like.

She's only 8. You decide fgs. Being held ransom by a child is just silly, no wonder we're a nation of brats.

@Jutemat Rubbish!

Children are people, and have the right to make some decisions about their life - that's how they learn to make good decisions, from small decisions when they are young to big decisions as they get older.

Do not use the word 'brats', it is entirely insulting to children - why on earth would you use such a word to the people in our society that need people to care for them and show them how to behave positively?

@Jutemat thats a really weird take on this.

I was a tomboy at 8 and wanted hair like a boy’s because it felt more ‘me’. I also played football, climbed trees, hung out with boys and never wore dresses. I loved Bill from Mallory Towers and George from the Famous Five. I was never confused about my gender or sexuality, I just instinctively rejected gender stereotypes because they felt restrictive. Then puberty kicked in around age 11. By the time I was 13 I had waist length hair, loved makeup, fancied boys, only hung out with girls. I’ve no idea why, but my mum never tried to intervene either way, she just let me be myself.

TLDR: let her get whatever haircut she wants, even if it doesn’t suit her. You’ll do way more for her confidence and self esteem than if you try to steer her even subtley.

My DD also wanted short hair at about the same age "to look like a boy". I said no to this.

Fast forward to about age 13 when she starts enjoying femininity again and wears dresses willingly and every weekend seemed to have different colour nail polish.

At about 15 she told me 'thank you for not letting me cut my hair off'!

So ... I'm not sure your DD will be convinced by this argument but it's one to bear in mind.

Thanks @ItsReallyOnlyMe She doesn’t actually say she wants to look like a boy, just that she wants ‘boys’ hair. I told her there’s not such thing as boys hair or girls hair, she said she knew and she just meant it to explain short hair.

I'm still annoyed by the adults around me not letting me have my hair the way I wanted it when I was a child. Take her to the hairdressers. If she hates it, she will grow it back. At the age of 8 she's old enough to understand consequences. Your duty is to listen and guide her - by taking her to a good hairdresser, you would be doing everything possible to give her what she wants in a responsible way.

Please don't make her compromise with a bob, my mum did that when I wanted short/boys hair and I hated it, I spent half my life upside down or in a tree/bush den so it constantly looked a mess, it wasn't short enough but also wasn't long enough to tie up.

As an adult I did get my pixie cut and it actually suited me, unlike the ridiculous bob!

Also I did want to be a boy for a short while, not getting my boy haircut didn't make me any less of a tomboy, and I grew out of it (though I'm still a 'tomboy' even now, but perfectly happy as a female)

DD announced she wanted a really short cut when she was about 12yo. I suggested she tried a bob first, as it would take a long time to grow back if she hated it. I also said to her that she'd had very curly hair as a baby and it might grow back very curly, so she had to be aware of that if she was doing it.

She went for a longer style than I was expecting (nearly shoulder length) and since then has kept it about shoulder length (she's 20 now) so obviously is happy with that - even if she does dye it now!

@NewMe2024

Yes, back in the good old days, when being a bit of a 'Tom boy' was just that, and didn't involve all the trans stuff. My best friend was a real 'Tom boy' and never felt she needed to BE a boy to wear/do whatever she wanted.

she's, by FAR the girliest of us all, married (to a man) with kids.