Who was being (more) U? Me or dh?

[NoSir]

I am now in a bit of a grump after annoying start to the day. Here is what happened.

Dh dropped the dcs and me halfway to school this morning on his way to work. When we left the house, dd (6yo with mild SEN) left her bag in the hall. I didn't pick it up. I got both dds in the car and dh was last to leave the house. He also didn't pick up the bag.

Got to where dh dropped us off and noticed dd didn't have her schoolbag.

Dh said he would go and get it but then said he couldn't and could I do it? Yes, fine. My work isn't far from school and I could walk home, get the stuff and bring it back in my car.

Walked dds to school. On the way they said they were freezing, so I said I would pick up their jumpers at the same time as the bag.

Got to school gate and started writing gate slips to explain to teachers. While I was standing there dh ran up behind me, dropped the school bag beside me and half shouted "I've got to go, I've got to go!" and ran off before I could turn round. His tone was rude and embarrassing right in front of head teacher, other parents etc He had gone home and got the bag while we were walking to school. He had tried to call me but I hadn't heard it.

Then realised I still had said I would get the kids' jumpers, so still had to walk home, get their jumpers, drive back and then go to work. I also had to tear up the gate slip about dd bag and then write a new one about the jumper instead (in hindsight maybe this was unnecessary)

Called dh on the way home to say wtf was that? I didn't swear though but did say "that was so rude and embarrassing". Non aggressive tone - possibly a bit whiny He was annoyed at me for "telling him off". He has GAD and he sees criticism where there isn't any at the best of times, so when I actually am being a bit critical he stresses the fuck out.

I have italicised the bits where I know I was being U.

Aibu to think wtf and how embarrassing to be spoken to like that in the playground? It was his tone more than anything like totally exasperated. Aibu to also think me phoning him to "tell him off" / say it was rude is less U than doing it in the playground about a foot in front of the Headteacher? Aibu to also think that his anxiety doesn't mean he can just shout "don't tell me off" (which he did) every time I have to tell him something negative? I am so supportive and encouraging 99% of the time.

Ugh grumpy now and I am usually not, so that's annoyed me even more. Humph

Sounds like a non event really. No idea what gate slips are. I wouldn't bother with those. Just drop the jumpers into the office on your way to work

Oh this is all such a non-issue. I used to be a TA and saw stressed parents all the time. Guess what? Getting small children to school on time is stressful.

But what's GAD? Sounds like an excuse for shitty behaviour.

doing it in the playground about a foot in front of the Headteacher

OP, he didn’t tell you off or reprimand you or anything else. He dumped a bag at your feet and legged it, shouting “I’ve got to go” because he was late and harassed.

I think you were both having a stressful morning, trying to get the dc to school and getting to work on time. I think your dh was trying to be helpful. I don't think either of you were particularly unreasonable, just both a bit stressed. To be fair, he wouldn't have realised they wanted their jumpers, and he did try to ring you. It was just unfortunate you didn't heat your phone, or you could have asked him to get the jumpers too. They probably won't even end up wearing the jumpers once they're in school!

He wasn't a mind reader so didn't know about the jumpers, and at least he went home and got the bag as he tried to save you the walk home and back again.
Maybe after he said he had to rush to work you could of told him to have a good day......

It sounds like a non issue, someone saying I've got to go I've got to go doesn't warrant anything that happened after it

You have totally over reacted to him saying he has to go. He was presumably stressed at the situation not at you. I don't see why you rang him to raise that with him and I think you're being a bit hypocritical about his reaction when you over reacted too.

He ran off before I could even turn round though so i couldn't've said anything to him at all. I get he was trying to get to work (as was I).

I couldn't have told him to get the jumpers too as I didn't know he'd changed his mind about going back.

But, I will accept I'm being over sensitive. His tone was so rude though.

GAD is generalised anxiety disorder to whoever asked that

U=(m)U

I can't see he's done anything wrong. Dropping the bag and saying "I've got to go" is perfectly fine and normal. It certainly didn't warrant you phoning to complain about him being rude.

It was his tone - I wouldn't ever talk to him like that.

But I will accept I've overreacted. Might send him a nice message to say sorry 😔

Thanks for talking me down 💐

I think it's good he got the bag. So what if he legged while saying 'ive got to go'. I don't think the teacher would have found that rude. He was just flustered and in a hurry.
I get a bit like that sometimes, I have pretty severe anxiety. But he wasn't being rude or embarrassing I don't think. He was trying to be helpful.

You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I wasn't phoning to complain - it was more wondering what happened as last thing I knew I was meant to be going home to get the bag. But yes, I did tell him it was rude and embarrassing as I did find it quite rude and embarrassing 🤷‍♀️.

But I do accept I was being too sensitive

I think YABU. He was helping out by going back for the bag, quickly dropped it off but had to get to work, but now you're grumpy with him?! How ridiculous. As for the jumpers I would have told the kids they'll be fine in the classroom and make sure they run around at break to keep warm, they may not forget them another time!

You actually sound like peas in a pod in your reaction to perceived slights.

They have air con on all day, so it's colder indoors than outside most of the time! But I realise that's not the point

Yes, possibly I've become more like that than I realised 😬

But you did talk to him like that and you did react like him - all of the in front of the headteacher etc is anxiety on your part

This is one of the reasons why I never liked a 'shared' school drop off, or even half way! Mine are older now but we tried to make it the responsibility of just one parent each morning, whilst the other left to go to work.

You clearly phoned him to drag it out into some type of argument. What do you mean you rang to find out what was going on? You knew what went on, he said he didn’t have time, clearly changed his mind and went back for the bag because he felt bad or something, rang you to tell you the change of plan and you didn’t answer.

Such an overreaction. He’s done nothing wrong, not staying to chat when he was late wasn’t rude, nor was saying he had to go in front of the head. Like what??

When we left the house, dd (6yo with mild SEN) left her bag in the hall. I didn't pick it up.

I have italicised the bits where I know I was being U.

I don’t understand why you think you were unreasonable for not picking up the bag, unless you saw it & deliberately ignored it?

Surely it’s obvious what happened… He thought he was being helpful after you both forgot the bag.

Both DH and I get stressy trying to get the kids out of the door for school. We’ve both been a bit shorter with the other one than we should be but children being excessively slow, forgetting things, trying to make lunches, etc. all lead to stress. We give each other slack about this.

He tried to be helpful but was stressed. Give him some slack. Calling him up was never going to end well.

Complete non event, and tbh I’d have not bothered with the jumpers - surely they’ll be inside most of the day and had coats on? Why are you so concerned about what the headteacher thinks, you’re not a child you don’t need to defer to them.