WIBU to tell dog owner in park they should have better recall?

[Melawati]

Every morning I walk with my autistic teenage DD to the station, she gets on the train to school in one direction and I get on the train to work the opposite way.
Last bit of the walk cuts through a park, not really fully in it, past the car park, tennis courts and couple of gates out on to the very busy road.
This morning, we were just at the edge of the car park when a medium sized dog came racing over to us, jumped up at DD, jumped up at me, licked my hand. We had to stop walking, or could have kicked it, as it was bouncing round our legs.
Looked around and two people holding leads are chatting over by the tennis courts, so I called out ‘hey, you need to call this dog’. The owner did but dog did not respond, after a few tries they walked over but the dog was not having any of it still bouncing about/jumping up. Dog owner says ‘oh it’s a game now’. I said ‘you really need to have better recall’, and then again in a bit sharper/louder tone. I was getting a bit annoyed tbh as wanted to get to the station not at the last minute so DD could get on her train calmly.
Dog owner walked a bit to the side eventually and dog followed so we could walk on.
DD said I was being embarrassing but I feel it’s not unreasonable to expect a dog in a busy city park to have good recall and for people to keep more of an eye on an off lead dog near a busy road & car park.

This is why dogs should not be off the lead in parks.

I think we definitely need at least some parks where off leash dogs are not allowed.

Unpopular opinion but I’d go as far to say no dogs allowed at all in some parks. I saw that sign in quite a few parks in the States and those parks were so much nicer !

I’d love at least one local park without dogs ruining picnics, trampled flower beds, poo bags hanging up on trees and joggers being chased . A leash will only help solve some of these problems.

I’ve seen many a gormless dog owner letting their dog roam far on a long leash and bother other people.

We just need some dog free outdoor spaces. There’s several parks in my area, I’d be grateful if even just ONE of the smaller ones were dog free. I think that’s reasonable.

My daughter has an egg allergy and had a reaction thanks to a bouncy dog jumping at her and licking her face before the owner could stop it.

This might sound like a really unlikely/ unlucky thing to happen, but egg allergies are very common among children these days and most dog food contains egg so it is a real risk. I do think that some owners could be more responsible and have a greater awareness of how others can be impacted.

My dog has an inconsistent recall for me (fine with my DH) so he’s always on a long lead until he is able to recall consistently. He’s absolutely fine 90% of the time but if there’s another dog he sometimes isnt great.

the dog owner was massively unreasonable and tbh the complete lack of proper apology would have got my back up. I would have been mortified and falling over myself apologising.

Oh what a lovely person you are

The dog wasn't friendly. An animal running up to a stranger, getting in their space and then not going away isn't friendly, they're a poorly trained nuisance at best.

Don't punish the dog for something that's the owners fault. The dog was not attacking, so kicking it is completely unacceptable.

OP, YANBU, no recall, no off lead.

YANBU to comment but in my experience it won't change anything. So many shit dog owners about who think everyone should love their little fur baby and think their lack of training is cute.

I was walking with a friend and a dog came bounding up towards us, and jumped up on my friend with muddy paws. The walker said sorry, but my friend shouted at him that the dog should have been on its lead. He looked surprised she was so cross 🤷‍♀️

Nope, not unreasonable - I'm quite happy to shout to people to get their dogs under control if they're being a nuisance.

But I suspect if my mum had done similar when I was a teenager I would have been absolutely mortified 😂

I think we definitely need at least some parks where off leash dogs are not allowed.

We have some of these in Belfast, but a lot of dog owners don't pay heed . One park in particular, a few years ago, I went back to the entrance and checked and, sure enough, 'All dogs must be on a lead', yet it was a free for all. A dog raced up to my eldest DS (he was about 5 at the time) and started barking and jumping up at him. I placed my son between me and the pram I was pushing his brother in and kept walking. The dog was very persistent and kept trying to get at my son. I had the panting owner running up with the standard 'he's just being friendly' doesn't-actually-give-a-shit non apology. When I said her dog should be on a lead in this park, I got what looked like a genuinely quizzical look. Not surprising considering the place is always full of off lead dogs and people just assume it's ok. And that's why I then checked the sign, because I honestly started to wonder if I was wrong. My son was absolutely terrified of dogs after that, but improved when SIL got dogs (which are regularly let off the lead in the same park🙄) It might be a 'medium sized' dog to an adult, but to a small child it's the hound of the Baskervilles. Children are instinctively wary of dogs that approach them in what appears to be an aggressive manner (even if it isn't) for very good reason and that fear can stay with them.

Legally, dogs need to be ‘under control’ in public places, so either on a lead or with great recall.

A dog's manners are usually an accurate reflection of the owners. You would be better off yelling at the dog which is 100% expecting hugs, high pitch voice sounds etc. They usually get a bit of a surprise if you yell at them in a 'non friendly' tone and back off. If they jump up raise your knee to block them. the owner is usually a lost cause but may get grumpy you yelled at their fur baby.

It's not unreasonable to expect an off lead dog to have good recall. I am curious as to why people with autistic children have to tell everyone their child is autistic, even if this doesn't relate to or add context to the situation in any way. I never talk about myself and immediately list my ailments, for example. My comment isn't intended to cause an argument, I'm genuinely curious why I always see 'looking for this toy for my autistic son', 'went for a walk with my autistic daughter', etc. Why do we need to know a child has autism, any more than you need to know I have high blood pressure?

Because autism is a social and communication "disorder". Children with autism often find it harder to advocate for themselves, may not show their fear in typical ways, may "overreact" because their rigidity of thought means dog= threat based on previous encounters, and are often emotionally younger than their years. They may find it hard to learn new behaviours and reason their way out of fear. They may find it harder to learn to read an approaching dog's body language.

In short they are more vulnerable than average and that vulnerability is not visible.

I've been moaned at by thick owners of nuisence "friendly" dogs because of my autistic child's reaction. He just wants to be left alone, not threatened and then made out to be the bad guy for his panic response to an unsolicited, unwelcome encounter.

the dog was not stupid , it was being a bouncy licky silly beast. However the owners are Idiots. My two are bouncy and actually hug the guy who delivers our water jugs (no potable water here) BUT as much as I call them off , he slaps his chest and they jump for hugs. When we go for walks they walk to heel on and off leash except for on a deserted beach when we say "RUN" and they do.At home prepare to be sat on to be gazed at with love hoping you have a snack, sat beside on the couch if a movie is going and expecting some of your popcorn. At home any guest is family usually and love them too, but can say "no go lie down.".and they do. Out in public, they ignore all people unless they approach. so again not stupid dog..stupid owner

Because autism often has a big impact on the way people see the world, and also on how they communicate with others.

My dog has terrible recall, so I never let him off lead in public. Full stop.

I get this all the time when in parks or even on the school run with an almost 5 and almost 3 year old. Dogs coming in for a sniff. Terrifies them both but it doesn't matter to the owners cos 'their dog is friendly' 🙄

I just find it super interesting. My son has dyspraxia, dyscalculia and is being assessed for autism, and I never feel the need to explain him to people to make his reactions more palatable for them. His diagnoses are his and not for everyone to be told to explain him better. In the same way that my mum doesn't cope well with stress, and I never feel the need to tell someone that if she shouts at them. She's just her, no explanation needed. I guess I just view my child and his health information differently to some other parents. He can choose if he wishes to explain why he struggles to catch a ball and why he trips a lot if he wishes to. Otherwise, whoever is watching can just look and go 'ah, he missed the ball'... and live without an explanation that they're not entitled to because it's his information and they don't know him well enough.

I never feel the need to explain him to people to make his reactions more palatable for them.

It's not about making things more "palatable", though - it's about explaining why someone might behave the way they do, and why they might not just be able to (using OP's post as an example) ignore the dog, or tell it "no".

I'm autistic myself and don't like this idea that autism is something to be ashamed of, or something that should be hidden until someone knows me "well enough".

If dog has no recall like this dog should be on a lead. Yanbu.

No recall, dog out of control in a public place and if you felt there was reasonable chance of you being injured, then the dog was dangerously out of control in a public place.

If someones dog does not have a good recall then the dog needs to be on a suitable lead for the location, and the owner needs to train a good recall. Training a recall does NOT involve the dog being off lead and bouncing on people, at any point! (The owner should use a long line, clipped to a securely fitted harness, so they can stop the dog at any point and go and fetch them before they can approach strangers).

You can tell them all you like, it won't make a difference.

As a teenager we had a dog that just didn't listen. He liked to copy what other people were doing, so if someone was running through the park he'd start running with them and they'd get mad about it. If they'd stop he'd stop straight away, but usually they just kept running and yelling.

They'd have a go at us, just nodded and smiled at them and paid no attention.

It was a pomeranian, wasn't doing anyone any harm. If you run through a dog park not expecting dogs, it's your own fault.

I'm a dog lover but yes she should have had better recall but please don't threaten to kick someone else's dog, especially with your daughter people are crazy and that woman could have attacked you for doing so. Sometimes just leave things alone