I am struggling big time

[Itsastrugglingmum]

Sorry for posting here. It’s late & I guess I thought this would have the most traffic.

I went back to work full time 3 months ago. I have DC6 & DC3 and have worked part time/self employed since having them until this job now.

honestly I’m sinking into a depression and I just don’t know what to so.

it’s impossible to juggle it all. For the last month it’s been back to back illnesses between the two. I’m currently sat is DC6s room as they’ve woken genuinely about 15 times already this evening with a cough and earache. They only went back to school today after being off most of last week with a sickness bug. Before that DC3 was on/off nursery with a temperate and ear infection for the best part of 10 days.

I haven’t had a full night sleep in months as DC3 gets in our bed even when they’re not ill.

they’re on different schedules no matter what we try, one is a night owl and we struggle to get them to sleep before 9-10pm and the other wakes us up before 6am every morning.

that’s before we even think about school holidays, no holiday clubs that don’t cost thousands for the summer run 9-5 everyday. Most are only odd weeks and finish at 4pm.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel desperate. DH helps but the kids still want me. The house is trashed constantly. Piles of clean washing I just don’t know when I’ll ever have time to put away.

we have no family that can help, my mum died a few years ago and I have no contact with my dad. DHs parents have the kids occasionally for a weekend but aren’t local or in good enough health to do more than that.

I just want to quit 😭 I love the job but I just don’t know what to do - I worry for my future prospects too

thanks for reading if you got this far I guess I just wanted a handhold and to see if anyone else has been through similar

Your H (no D is there) is the issue there is no team.

Regarding the 3 year old coming in bed. Put a mattress on your bedroom and tell them they are welcome to sleep there.

Maximise your sleep whatever way you can.

Don't leave your job, your husband is a shit and cannot be relied upon.
Stop doing his washing, take yours and the kids once a week for a service wash at the laundrette, it comes back clean and folded ready to put away. We did it when the washing machine broke and I loved it!
Up the cleaners hours....would they be happy to include basic tidying? Find out!
Controversial but put your foot down with the kids sleep, maybe not whilst they are ill, definitely when they are better! They are old enough to be sleeping reliably through the night....
Online shop for groceries, don't buy any snacks/drinks he likes, he can go to the shop and get his own.
I find most 'school admin' can be quickly read through and filed in the 'don't care' folder, no-one died from not buying a raffle ticket, only look at the important stuff.
I have been working full time since my kids were 5/6 months old. We had zero family support and I also possess a fairly useless husband (loads of them around apparently). Unfortunately we couldn't afford a cleaner etc and the one thing that saved my sanity was routine...kitchen/bathroom cleaned daily before work, quick hoover downstairs, beds on a Sunday etc. The house never devolved into chaos and I could just about keep on top of everything, although if you have money to throw at it, all the better!
Hopefully the above will keep you going until you can convince your husband to step up.

I feel your pain.

one question: what does the mum guilt stop you doing? Boundaries? Help you pay for?

If you have one who keeps getting up, put them in a little bed by yours
if you have a night owl, let them stay up with hubby and go to bed at 9

Try to focus on the present, not what your career might look like in the future. Working full time is making you ill.

Your husband is not doing enough. If he were doing 50% domestic work, he would probably be begging you to go back to part time work and arranging finances fairly to support that. If you are doing all the domestic work as well as working FT, would it be so much more difficult to cope if you dumped this arsehole and went it alone? At least you'd get a bit of time off when it's his days with the kids. I'd consider leaving as it doesn't sound like a good/supportive partnership.

@curious79 mum guilt due to them being in childcare so much. Never having a ‘school holiday’ as they’re just put in childcare. Afterschool club so they don’t get home til 6 everyday.

just by way of an update. DC3 is ill again and this is their 4th ‘working’ day of it so she’s been off nearly a week. Essentially as soon as DC6 was well enough to go back DC3 off.

this is 4-5 weeks now of at least one of them being off for the majority of the time.

I’ve got a crazy busy week at work for 3 projects and I just don’t know how I’m going to deliver. At the point it seems impossible.

DH has been pulling his weight when it comes to the kids to be fair to him but neither of us are giving 100% to our job (even close). He’s self employed though so not going to get fired. I’m so worried I could be

the thing is I worry about career progression etc but that won’t even happen as I’m not able to perform to the best of my ability or close at the moment with the children.