Giving house to step-daughter?

[IsMadl]

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

I hate the way entitled and privileged is thrown around.
I will say with 100% certainty SD is not entitled, she is bloody hard working, hasn't asked for this and is quite happy to keep saving and stay in their 3 bed rental for the foreseeable. She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden, it isn't a massive list. While I agree they are well earning (Around 150k joint), I can see first hand that doesn't stretch the way it does up here in London. Her age isn't relevant, nor your business but they are having children now as she has a health condition which can impact fertility and don't want to risk it, I've encouraged this considering my own past.
Privileged is subjective, I don't think she is, you may think she is, it doesn't matter. She isn't greedy, lazy etc.
We had it so much easier than they do, buying was easier etc. This is for her and my grandbaby and I do think they deserve it.

No i bought the house with my first husband who passed, the deposit we saved together.

She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden

My goodness, OP, that's a tall order in London. No one gets that when young unless they're hugely wealthy and privileged. Don't be swayed by comparing London with where you live and think she's in a bad situation.

I was under the impression that for around 1 - 1.2mil they would be able to get that, no?

That's a massive list for London , and it's not just 'a garden' .... You specified a nice big garden, and a trampoline (although this last bit came from you).

In any case, it's nobody's business but yours what you give to whom. The same as it's not your business what anybody else chooses to think and how they treat you as a result. That's the upshot of it.

I would sell the house and give a portion to N&N say 10k each (am assuming younger here) maybe put it in a pension pot for them so it is earning hard for them and will give them ease when they are older or just ISAs and for housing later 10k will grow nicely. Then give the rest to SD &H

She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden, it isn't a massive list

In my area that’s £2 million plus.

Nobody starts on that at 27 on London unless they have serious inherited money. Which she doesn’t and you don’t.

I think you sound lovely OP and do think your DSD should be the recipient of your house. You don't sound materialistic so hopefully if your parents leave you out of their will, which I think will happen, it won't bother you too much. I have a SN who came into our lives when he was 6, he is considered by all the family as ours, we love him as much as the blood nieces and nephews. Your parents have missed out alot by not trying to engage with your SD, she sounds lovely. She is your family, you have helped raise her, been her mum. Good luck

What you could do is put the house in trust to grandbaby, and get your SD to pay all bills and a small rent.
This way you still have some income.
Your parents only need to know she us renting off you. And god forbid but should SD ever divorce only the baby gets the house.

I’m don’t have a stepdaughter but I have experienced tragic loss (my own dd) and imagine she has been through an awful time losing her mum at such a young age.

Honestly, ignore all of the people including your parents who have questioned this. If your parents or siblings (if they find out), complain I would ask why they are being so grabby, explain it is your money and you treat SD as you would your own biological child. It is your money to do as you wish with. These reactions would actually spur me on to act asap and watch the enjoyment this money would give SD and her young family. You are very generous.

I think your desire to help is lovely. I also am fairly confident that the type of place you describe will be well over a million down here. I count myself incredibly lucky to be late 30s and just managed to get a mortgage on a two-bed flat in a shitty grim area of London, that cost the same as your house you're considering selling... London is very very different.

It's not that she's entitled - I too, really really want a place with a garden, and ideally a street that's not full of drug addicts and drunks

If you can help her get to it, that's wonderful. But there are also lessons in patience and acceptance - if she can get on the property ladder at all (which she can with her deposit) they can upsize... it's not standard for a 27 year old to immediately go into their ideal home-owning scenario.

Depends which zone they want to live. If they don’t mind zone 4+ they could do it for 1.2. But 200k won’t make much dent in that will it?

I don’t think it is a good idea tbh Op.
I know that you mean well, but recent experience has shown me that life can throw a few curve balls when it comes to issues to do with money/ wills etc
My cousin is a wills and probate lawyer and her advice is to always think of the worst possible scenario and have these things in mind when dealing with financial issues.
As others have pointed out ,your dss’ marriage may not last or even your own.
There is also ill health , conflict etc.
If you want to leave her something in your will , that is fine, but I wouldn’t advise you to sell your property to give her a deposit for a house

Also OP they're earning 150K joint? That's a very low salary from him working in finance... Is hers much lower? Say, 50K to his 100K. Or 30K to 120K. Which would be more normal.
Investment banking grads start on 100K and other front/middle office roles 80K, heck even software developers for firms like UBS start on 80K.

You have to remember that even with your deposit, they still have to pay the mortgage. Borrowing to the max will cost a lot on those incomes and also, what if he loses his high paying job?

Also babies don't care much where they sleep, it'll be a few years yet before they're of school going age.

One also doesn't know what issues they may have, so many kids have SEN these days (I'm ND myself) what happens if one parent has to quit work?

The sums have to be done carefully.

Unless her husband comes up with another 300K in which case carry on.

Sorry he isn't in investment banking, he works in fund research for a small wealth management company, he makes around 100-110k I believe, SD Civil service fast stream and is on around 50/60 so combined 150-170k.

Why does she need to leave anything to her siblings kids? They have parents, fuck they even have grand parents

i don’t like the way that the GP think that you HAVE to leave your money to their other child rather than to your own marriage/family unit @IsMadl

OP I think people are reading it that you are selling your house and then giving all of the proceeds to your DSD?
From what I understand it would be the profit from the sale? Which means you would still have a pretty big lump sump which you could invest for your future.
However, it’s good to think contingencies. If you or your DH had to stop working that throws a grenade into finances.
Also is there a provision for you in your DH’s will about what happens if he goes first? If the home you share goes directly to his daughter what provisions have been made for you? While you have a wonderful relationship with her, you really need something secure and on paper.
As much as you want to help her, personally I would not sell a home that is providing a good income stream which will increase in value. Is there a way you could help out each month without touching the capital?
Whatever you decide, it’s your choice and nothing to do with your parents or siblings. I can understand your parents’ concerns, but at the end of the day, it’s your money.

OP if your SD's Mum died when she was 7 and you've been her Mum since she was 10 then you are her Mum and she's your DD. You don't have to be blood related to love a child. I have a foster son I've cared for since he was 5. He'll inherit from both me and DH along with my 3 DC from previous marriage. He may not be blood related but he feels like my own child. I expect you feel the same about DSD. If your DD has DC I expect you'd be their Nan. I think it makes perfect sense to gift the money to a SD that has enriched your life for many years.

Some odd replies here.

I think it's a wonderful thing to do- she is your daughter, and it is your house, if you want to sell it for her that is your right and your decision. Seek legal advice to ringfence if something goes wrong with your partner or hers, but I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Whether or not she's entitled (I don't think she is btw) or the property she wants in London will cost more than she thinks is neither here nor there with regards to your question.

@IsMadl
Hey OP, I found your posts really moving. It is clear to see how much you care for your step daughter. Being someone who lives in London with children (in a flat with no garden) I would say that money would be life changing for your family. Obviously I don't know where they live but I am in zone 2 in south east london and you could get a 4 bed for that money here near good schools.

You are clearly a considerate and risk averse person and have not taken this decision lightly. I would proceed in your shoes.

A comment on your parents, I think their opinion is very cruel. Blood relative nonsense. You could not have a child 'by blood'. Your daughter, which she is, you have raised her, IS your relative. The fact is that she has also lost her 'blood' mum so no doubt sees you as her mum. I find it really heartless of them to undermine and diminish this very beautiful and sincere relationship between you. How dare they?

You could not have biological children. Your daughter lost her biological mum. You being in eachother's lives is beautiful.

I would say do it. ❤️

In which case he should be able to hit 200K pretty easily. And your step daughter depending on her exact role can always move to the private sector to earn more if she wishes. Bear in mind tho that equity researchers can be especially vulnerable to redundancy - at times when the entire sector faces a downturn so it might be hard to find an equivalent role immediately

I think it's doable as long as all parties are clear and have planned for every possible scenario.

Also not sure why PP are talking about ringfencing. After a certain length of marriage it becomes harder to argue for separate assets. Especially as his big salary will be covering a lot of the mortgage

This has probably been suggested already, but I haven’t read all the thread! You could give the proceeds of your house to your sd, as you feel her need is greatest, atm and then £300,000 from the sale of your house with your dh, when the time comes, could be split between your niece and nephew, the rest going to your sd?

I would certainly make her the main beneficiary of my will in that scenario, but would keep the money for my own retirement as they have more than the means to buy a good sized house themselves.

OP doesn't have to give her niece and nephew anything! And actually, they don't even know anything about this. It's only OPs parents making a fuss . No idea why she even told them.

Personally I'd be more concerned about OP's own finances but also whether this gift will have the impact she thinks it will based on the desired house.