Giving house to step-daughter?

[IsMadl]

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

They are ignorant - they’re ignorant to their own daughter’s feelings toward her step daughter, and arrogant to boot in thinking their opinion of her relationship should sway her into doing what they want.

I think you should use the rental income or sell the house to enjoy your life! Go on some lovely holidays and treat yourself. Your step daughter seems fine for money at the moment and she'll inherit from her father. Maybe you could mention in your Will that you'd like the house that you own to be split equally three ways between your niece, nephew and step daughter.

Personally I'd hang on to it as you never know what happens in the future, and you may need that home/money. I would leave it to the three of them, to be split equally.

Your parents sound awful to be honest, and I assume your DH isn’t much impressed with their attitude towards his DD. I would do what you’re suggesting in a heartbeat.
Don’t forget though that when you do sell your house you will have to pay CGT, and if you die within 7 years of gifting your SDD the proceeds, it could be subject to IHT.

It’s quite interesting how many people clearly sort-of agree with the parents with the suggestion that the house be split between the three.

Nobody would suggest that if the OP had adopted her SD. Yet her saying “To me my step-daughter is my own” clearly isn’t enough for some.

You can't take money or property with you when you die, spent it and gift it, enjoy it being put to good use.

I would keep it for my retirement. Things can ho wrong even with a good pension. But you can give it to her in your will.

What a lovely idea.

Would they want the actual house or the money from selling it? ( and get one of their choosing?)

Ignore your parents and their implied ‘shes not your, blood, daughter’ talk. Tell them that repeating this publicly will cause serious problems/rifts/hurt.

A few things have happened to me recently and the phrases 'you can't take it with you' is so so true but you never really understand that properly until it's too late.

I think as long as your long term future is solid and you will have enough for a good retirement then why not. It's a lovely thing to do, but ultimately if you don't need the income or capital then I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

Could you sell (if that's what you want to do) and give half to SD and half to N&N? That way you're still helping SD massively but also helping N&N

Could you give your SD the rent that you get from your house, after expenses, then either leave the house to her or split 3 ways? Either that or sell and gift part of the proceeds to your niece and nephew now? They won't know how much equity you have so you could give a larger amount to you SD.

I thought that too. Its a bit weird.
The neice / nephew will inherit from their own parents.

Another thought about the Ops parents if Op changes her Will are they likely to change theirs to keep their money "in the family".
Are they thinking if they split their money between their two kids, the two DGC will get all of it in time?

Op do what feels right to you and say nothing absolutely zilch, nothing.

But be mindful if you want a retirement your likely to have to self-fund it. The days of people retiring at 65 and living a happy life to 75 - 80 are over

Absolutely this!
You would be insane to do this at your stage of life.
Presumably you are under retirement age?
You have years ahead of you with rising CoL
You could be handing over half your assets and she divorces the DH or you divorce
Don't do it!

DSD has had 150K already, hardly struggling
This forum always says hand over the cash as that's what they would like to happen to them, very foolish idea.

This was what I was going to suggest.

I would do this as well - that way all three get some benefit.

This.

Unless you already have substantial savings, it would be madness to give away a source of income and asset. You never know what the future holds.

What if, god forbid, you or your husband become ill and unable to work or cost of living spirals again.

How close are you to your niece and nephew?

I think it would be a lovely thing to do and I have no time for "blood relative" nonsense unless you are landed gentry and it's been a family home for generations!

But your SD will inherit significantly from the home you live in. If you're deciding on the basis of need, how do niece and nephew compare? I doubt a niece or nephew would ever expect to inherit. Could you sell and give some to each though if you felt that way?

Ultimately, it's your money and giving it to your SD seems very fitting.

I would not do this. You never know what could happen to your situation. I would add her to the will so she gets 1/3 of the house split with your niece and nephew. But if you are not close with them, then I would leave the whole thing to your step dd. But def not when you are still living and never know what could happen.

up to you

but consider split it between SD and neice nephew

That is such a lovely thing to do but maybe just bear in mind that if she ever gets divorced then her DH could be entitled to up to half unless it’s ringfenced. You will have to get legal advice and I strongly advise you do. Any relationship can go wrong nowadays.

Maybe your parents are not happy to leave to SD if you received your deposit from them or they (or grandparents etc) contributed to your house? So they may be miffed because they want the money to stay with blood relatives?

A possible explanation?

Doesn't change anything re you wanted to give to SD, but may explain their reaction?

Niece and nephew have their own parents. They have no reason to expect anything from you.

Unless your parents helped you buy your house, what you do with it is nothing to do with them. Helping your stepdaughter would be lovely.

Unless the house is a stately home, and been in the family for generations, the the blood line reason is nonsense.

Could you put some money aside for niece and nephew?

I agree, some future proofing for you would be good.

My stepdad left me his house. It was the icing on the cake, of a man who was the best dad anyone could have asked for. I will be grateful for the rest of my life.

It is literally none of your parents’ business what you do with your stuff and you need to tell them so.