To think having to walk away from my baby crying is the hardest thing I’ve had to do

[justmymonday]

Bloody hate nursery drop off

It will get easier OP. My oldest has some anxiety issues that we're dealing with and he still occasionally gets upset in the mornings (he's 10) and I still hate leaving him upset but it has to be done. They're 99% of the time absolutely fine once mum is out the picture and have usually forgotten they were even upset if you ask them about it at pick up time!

It's true. Some of us have had experiences in hospital with tiny children and babies we would rather have not had. My youngest was born very premature and I cried every day having to say goodbye to him to go home and look after three older DC, then back the next day to go through it all again...for five weeks.

I don’t need my own thread thanks. It’s not my fault the hyperbolic and hysterical language has made me roll my eyes a bit (and other people by the sound of it!). Plus it’s the question / title of the thread. I have children and yes they go to childcare so l do know the crying isn’t great

OP wasn’t looking for a competition. I’m sure she has had some other challenges in life.

Have some compassion or start your own threads if you want a showering of sympathy to overshadow someone else’s challenges.

I don't understand why you would need to write this. Did you go off giggling if you heard your baby crying for you? whether or not you think it's hard or not, I'm sure we can all sympathise that it's hard to leave your baby

I was a nanny once, in another life.

Baby (actually about a year old) would howl until the car couldn’t be heard and then be fine. His world was coming to an end. Mum told me that once she did drive away, stop and come back on foot to peer through the window at two kids eating breakfast, chats and laughter.

Kids do howl at Mum. If they can make you feel bad, they can. Mum just has to get on with it. I have been known to console myself in more recent years by thinking that if it’s happening to me, it probably happened to my own Mum.

Agree with @gentlemum ,just ignore the race to the bottom a!
My daughter always cried when I left her but stopped after a couple of minutes and then she would cry when I collected her !

I've just gone through it OP, ignore the other posters. It's easy to forget once you've got through it and are out the other side. My 1st barely batted an eyelid when I left her at nursery. The second gave me a look of pure despair and betrayal when I left her, whilst sobbing her little eyes out. I found it so hard to leave her. She's 8 weeks into it now and can honestly say there's no more guilt, she's settled, no more tears. It will happen for you providing yours is a good nursery, hang in there.

I think with your first it’s tough you’ve no experience of leaving them or other kids and it is emotional, we are all different and I wouldn’t judge anyone for being upset leaving their child crying.
I am a paeds nurse so I’ve seen the worst of the worst, taken parents to theatre and brought the parents back up to the ward and when they are giving their child a cuddle and trying to not cry it gave me a lump in my throat, I’ve cried with parents before too, I’m a person and a mum and I’ve been upset leaving my kids (I’ve got 4) but by no3 and 4 I knew they were fine 3 minutes later usually if they were very upset I’d get a call to let me know they were settled and the nursery nurses were lovely so I was confident they would be fine and cared for.

It takes little babies a bit longer to settle than older children, but she'll get there. The staff will have done this many times before and will be experts in distraction techniques! She'll be absolutely fine and so will you. One day she'll be going into nursery with barely a backward glance - that'll be hard for you too but at least you'll know she enjoys being there 🙂

I still hate leaving my youngest. He has never cried on drop off! He saw his bigger brother go in and I’m convinced he was pleased it was finally his turn. He quite enjoys it but I just love being around him and he’s quite content with me. My eldest just felt ready to go, even from a much younger age. Like he needed it. But I think I am acutely aware my youngest is my last and I want to savour it!

I’ve gone through some really awful things in my life but leaving an upset child at nursery day after day was still one of the worst things I’ve had to do.
OP, trust your instincts. Some children don’t settle. I switched to a childminder and it was much better.

It's the worst OP, the guilt is in immense but know that a few moments later they'll be settled again having fun 🤍

Whatever you have to do is not more important than your child, which is your most important job right now.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. You feel guilty for good reason.

Oh OP, I so vividly remember driving to work sobbing myself after leaving a crying baby. It is awful, but it is temporary, I promise. This morning I dropped off one who ran into school and one who ran into nursery and was so busy chatting to his keyworker that he didn't actually say goodbye to me!

It's so bloody hard, no matter what age. But when they're that small and can't convey how they're feeling it somehow feels worse.

Persevere with a heavy heart OP, it will get easier.

She'll soon learn that nursery is the place she goes to have lots of fun all day long, and she will quickly learn that mummy always comes back.

Have you tried leaving a piece of your clothing with her for the day? (I used to 'forget' my scarf and the nursery staff would encourage 3yo DS to look after it until I came back). Bear in mind this could backfire though... depends on whether your little one is more out-of-sight-out-of-mind or not

Is she settled in nursery through out the day? That's what you should focus on aslong as she's settled after drop off that's the main thing. Lots of babies young children cry at drop off but are absolutely fine as soon as parent is out off sight.

Huh? If she was at uni she was an adult and could have decided for herself if she wanted to come home, surely? And she could have got public transport to get home.

Parental guilt is just all consuming and it doesn't matter what you do or say or think it will be there. Big hugs 🫂

Mine boy went for the first time today for the whole day (he did 8 settling in sessions in June), and is going 4 days a week. He was 9 months over the weekend.
In our case he hasn't cried a tear yet, he doesn't even look back.
But my worry is that he goes so easily because I'm not close enough to him and we don't have a good bond because I had (have) PND. I wished he wouldn't wake up every time he slept for his first three months until I accepted I needed medication, and now I have horrific guilt about that.

Yes its very sad, you have my empathy. How long has little one been going? Mine cried when I left during our settling in weeks and at drop off for the first month or so (2 days a week so around 8 drop offs). I was walking to work bawling. After a month she warmed up to it and after 6 weeks or so she was leaning out my arms to reach for the lady at the door! She has so much fun there. I wish I could go back in time and tell my maternity leave self because it gave me so much anxiety. I hope yours will be the same and settle in soon ❤

*Just read your update- aw bless you, this is very normal for the second week! Its a big adjustment for both of you. I'm sure she will be not giving you a second glance soon and then you'll be feeling a bit upset about that instead 😅

My advice is make drop off as quick as possible. It only makes it worse the longer you linger. It should be a "here's baby, here's bag" and just walk away.

It's hard. It gets better in time. One day he will happily trundle off to get stuck in with the staff and his little buddies.

One of the hardest, most traumatic things I've ever been through, but it gets better! (I haven't had the easiest life either before that poster pipes up).

If she's almost 1, she's probably hitting a peak of separation anxiety. I'm sending my baby a bit earlier this time in the hope of an easier transition.

@justmymonday I really sympathise with this. I went back when my DS had just turned 12 months. He took a couple of months to settle and it was agonising. He is a bit better now, but some days he really does just want to be at home.

You're not alone.

I had to leave my 12yo DD at school crying today. She is autistic and struggles in the mornings.