To think having to walk away from my baby crying is the hardest thing I’ve had to do

[justmymonday]

Bloody hate nursery drop off

Ah op, it's so hard. Ds was the same at drop off during the first 3 weeks but he did settle during the day and then cried again at pick up. It's worth saying that now 6 months later he shouts "yay" when we pull into the car park, runs to knock the door himself and is genuinely really excited to see the staff in the mornings and he's made little friendships. He's developed so much since starting and has really grown in confidence. The start is hard but honestly I'm glad I preservered (had no choice bills to pay lol) because he was loving it within a couple of weeks. He was 11mths when he started.

Maybe try to have a plan for after drop off for yourself, like putting on some good music and singing along, or going to get a nice coffee on your way to work or phone someone to distract yourself?

It's so hard! But very likely they settled once you left and will be having a great day with their friends and lots of learning. it will take time to adapt.

This is good advice. I drop off half an hour before I need to on my days (share drop offs with DH) and go and get a coffee. Kiddo is now 6 months into nursery and he is so smiley and giggly with the staff there and loves the toys.

My youngest used to cry when I dropped him. Full-on snot etc. When I collected him they told me he’d had a great time. He was only there for three hours!

That’s about you though, I doubt your DS’s life has been adversely affected because he went to nursery all those years ago.

I doubt any mother has not felt their heart ripped out of their body when leaving a crying little one at nursery.
Been there done that felt like shit.
But 99% guarantee that the little ones are fine after a few minutes wailing.
I am doing it now with my granddaughter and the feelings are exactly the same!!

YANBU at all OP. It goes against every instinct in your body. I haven't had to do it because I'm using family childcare but honestly I completely sympathise, my baby crying makes my body physically hurt.

OP YANBU it is really hard. Every other time she's cried you've held her until now. It goes against all your instincts and it feels physically and mentally wrong. But, working and earning money is necessary and will eventually make both of your lives better, and I bet you she's already forgotten her upset and is enjoying her day.

Thanks. She’s having a sleep now but did refuse breakfast she does seem to be struggling with settling.

Come on now, don’t be silly. The OP has said she’s suffered her share of loss and bereavement. She doesn’t have to list the tragedies in her life before we give her permission to have found this really difficult 🙄

OP, give the nursery a ring and see how she’s getting on. I bet she’ll be perfectly happy. We do childcare for our nephew a couple of days a week. While he was still having the odd bit of breastfeeding, we would take him down to his mum’s work on her break so they could have a cuddle and a quick feed. And he would always get upset that it was time to say goodbye and it would break her heart knowing she had to leave him. I used to send her a quick video of him babbling and giggling before we’d even got to the end of the road, just to put her mind at rest. She’ll be fine and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

It’s not nice. I remember one morning she had to be physically dragged off me! I was reassured by the fact that she was usually fine within 2 minutes if me leaving, and the nursery were good at providing updates. It was just a phase and she’s fine now.

My baby struggled to settle in at nursery for the first 3/4 weeks too OP, and she always cried at hand over. But after the first couple of weeks she stopped crying once I had left her and started engaging in play.

It does take them time to get used to it but she's 21 months now and loves going there :)

It's hard to leave them though so I know how you feel x

When I had this issue I felt the same. If you're able to manage it this might help as it did for me (realise of course all babies are different so might not work but it did with mine as he enjoyed nursery because of the toys and the company). I used to leave a little extra time for this, arrive early for drop off and sit baby on my lap, letting him see the toys etc, but wouldn't let him off my lap. After a while he got very bored seeing the others playing and would climb off and I'd go. First couple of times he'd whinge and I'd pick him up again but wouldn't let him down when he wanted to play. Eventually he worked out I'd stay but it was more boring, and then he'd be quite happy to trot off.

It gets no easier, mine was like velcro for a long time, had to be peeled off my legs many times but without doubt the worse was listening to her sob down the phone the day after we dropped her at uni. She's 40 odd now but with hindsight I should have gone back that day and brought her home

The second they can’t see you anymore they’ll be dancing around, full of joy and sparkles!

It’s hard but it does get better.
And it’s by no means, not even close, to the hardest thing you’ll ever have have to go through as a parent.

This is unkind, unnecessary and invalidating.
Just because worse things happen, doesn’t mean she can’t be upset. It IS hard, and she’s allowed to feel horrible about it.
It is so damaging to invalidate other people’s feelings.

I agree OP, it’s awful. But it does soon get better.

Oh do fucking do one. My child has been going to nursery since 14 months old and at 4.5 still really struggles at drop off despite us trying absolutely everything and yes it is incredibly hard. We do it, but it's hard and it's upsetting. Learn some God damn empathy or don't post.

It'll get better. Sit outside the open window where she can't see you and I'm sure you'll hear the crying stops within a moment. My child's nursery used to have a one way window for this very purpose

I needed this thread today. The guilt is excruciating. I really appreciate the responses from childcare workers stating how quickly children settle. I can't hear this reassurance too often! It's so hard to believe when I call and they say dc are happily playing if they seemed so upset only minutes before.

One of mine cried hysterically at drop off and never really settled properly. It still is one of the most upsetting things I have gone through. Maybe my life has been easier than most.

In that case make your own thread and you will get support there.
It's not like there's only one thread allowed every day and we have to decide who will be allowed to post

I hope it gets better with your child, unfortunately in my case with my DS at nursery, it didn’t get better for a very long time. I have photos where he’s clearly been crying beforehand. This was attached to a school where is elder brother was, they even got him in to try and settle him, it didn’t work. He was such a happy confident child, but just wanted to be with me. He was fine when left with GP when I worked and happy to go on play dates without me. A nursery worker told me that he would grow into a confident person, which he has, he’s 28 now. I used to cry my eyes out, it’s so heartbreaking 💔

Thanks, it’s such a big change as she spent all day every day with me, so of course it’s a huge shock to us both

I miss her too.