To think having to walk away from my baby crying is the hardest thing I’ve had to do

[justmymonday]

Bloody hate nursery drop off

I only did it from age 3 onwards as I didn't work.

At least you're earning money to give your little one a good life.

You must have had an easy life thus far.

This is so uncalled for.

OP- it is heartbreaking to leave your baby crying but he/she will be ok. How old are they and how long have they been going? Do they go full time? Big hugs.

It's hard for you but, as an ex nursery worker, I can almost guarantee your little one will stop crying almost as soon as he/she can't see you any more ❤️. Ring the nursery a bit later to see how they're doing - they won't mind updating you and it'll put your mind at rest.

It’s so hard OP, I have been there. This will eventually subside and I bet your little on has a ball playing with others once you have gone and they are settled.

Hope so. My life has been easy in some ways: I’ve been fortunate enough to be born into a developed country, had education, food, material needs met. I have suffered loss and bereavement. This is hard because I feel I’m doing it to her. I’m choosing to leave her when she’s unhappy. Of course it is more nuanced than that. It’s really upset me this morning. Thanks for the kind words.

Oh and sorry - she’s not quite 1 and this is only her second week. So of course we’re still adapting.

It is heartbreaking OP - for me child 1 was happy as larry going into nursery from very young so it was a complete shock when child 2 was less keen. Tbh she's still not massively keen now and she's 9, I think it's just personality. But there are many times I have bawled my eyes out in the car on the way to work and it felt so much worse when they were tiny and didn't have the words for their feelings.
Breathe and it's OK to find it hard.

It will get easier

For every day of tears at drop off she's finding her feet at nursery, learning independence and making friends.

I totally get how hard it is I did it when mine was young too - but he still has friends from nursery 2 years after he left. After a few months he was happy when he saw the staff, and after around 6 months he was so excited to go through the door I didn't even get a wave (which broke my heart in a whole different way)

It is so had to not be the one to calm the tears, but it's nessesary, and whilst neither option is 'better' your child will gain a little network of trusted adults who can soothe and calm the tears at every fall until you pick her up again. Those initial tears are all part of her growing bonds with the adults who will hopefully care for her until nursery ends and in time it will all start to feel really positive :)

It's heart breaking and hopefully they'll settle in soon..

I remember this so well. My child is now a mother herself. I was so upset. The centre director said - go around the corner and wait a couple of minutes. Don’t let her see you and have a look at her. I did - and she was happily playing with a toy!! No sign of tears. Literally 2 minutes! She was ok and then so was I.

I really struggled with this, I went back to work when baby was 10 months and it took 6 months to be able to drop off consistently without tears. I still feel sick when I picture them in those early days at drop off horrific.

It will get better, and if like me you had no choice to go back to work and no family to leave them with you're doing the best by them by continuing to earn and give your little one that security and stability.

sending love it will get better

I remember this clearly with my twin DDs and they are now early 20s. I went back to work part time when they were 9 months old and I was really looking forward to it, thought having some adult company and another focus would be good for all of us. Cried all the way up to London on the train, arrived in the office a complete mess. It does get better OP.

Its horrible. I wanted to give up work and live on benefits but I knew I couldn't do that because I was a single mum.
Now at 62 I wish I had done that until he went to school.
It still makes me feel sick even at my age that I had to do this while he was so young.

It’s a fair point though. Life has thrown way bigger challenges at me and other posters by the sound of it. Baby crying at nursery isn’t great but it’s just one of those things

Mine went from four and five months pt.
I was glad of the break tbh. No one else ever took them.
Twenty years on the benefits have been undeniable and never a single regret.

I hate this feeling. If mine went in upset I'd call a bit later to check they'd settled. Otherwise I would have picked them up, but they were always playing happily.

Do people actually want me to list things that would, by MN standards, be ‘harder’ than handing over a crying baby?

One of the upsetting things was the window was open and I could hear her crying as I walked away.

I completely understand, it's soooo hard. My DS cried for 3 months straight when he first started (he was 13mo back then) but he was fine a few minutes later. He still does it now, although every other day-ish I'd say, and he's 2.5yo. And then I get pics of him giggling with his friends... Some kids are like that, as long as they are fine otherwise it's normal (obviously you always have to trust your gut...). But it is still bloody difficult to leave them there crying. I guess this feeling doesn't go away...

It’s so hard. Do give them a call and hopefully they can put your mind at ease. As parents we are hard wired to respond to our children so it is extremely difficult when you walk away from them crying 😢. It does get easier after a few weeks.

I also used to work in a nursery OP and I can guarantee that your child would have settled very soon after you left.

If your little one wasn't settling, you'd definitely hear about it 😊 it's harder on you that it is on them. Give yourself permission to let go of the guilt and carry on about your day.

@Floralsofa @TruthorDie it's not a competition of who's had the harder things in life. Why do you feel it so necessary to dismiss the totally valid feelings of a mother finding it heartbreaking to listen to her young baby crying? Just because you may have gone through something you deem to be 'harder' that's totally irrelevant to this post. There's always going to be someone who's had a more difficult life than you, that doesn't mean you can't complain or be upset about anything. If you can't empathise or provide any kind comments just move on.

@justmymonday I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with nursery drop offs, and sorry you feel you have to justify why on this post. It will get easier in time and as others say it's likely the crying is very temporary and your baby's probably now having a great time playing.

Of course you're upset, it's your natural instinct not to leave your baby so ignore the rude posters.

I think it's maybe easier for babies if they go into childcare at under 6 months. They will then know all the carers by the time the " clingy" stage appears at 8 months to a year. Seems odd to me that the current maternity leave ends when kids are generally at their clinginess.

I've been there. It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It still troubles me now - despite having a perfectly happy well adjusted university student who had a great school life etc.

So I completely understand and sympathise OP. It does get better, but if you're not the same as many posters on here who don't seem remotely concerned by walking away from a crying baby, it's always going to be tough.

Shoot me for not having had a life of unending misery but I haven't. It was very hard.