To see marriage as an admin task!!

[Edenspirits73]

DP and I have been together for 25 years today - never really been that bothered about getting married but as we have got older, have seen the legal protection it offers as probably important. We have just been busy raising our kids etc.

Thinking now of popping down the registry office one Friday and just doing it- I do honestly see it as an admin task - I know it’s wildly unromantic but after 25 years, that’s how it is 😂 I can’t be bothered with the expense or organisation of a wedding!!

Anyone else done it this way and it’s been
ok? Weirdly I have a couple of sets of friends in the same position and we have talked about all doing it together and being each others witnesses!

Aibu? I don’t want to offend anyone!

Why would anyone be offended?! 😄 Great idea. Far more sensible than the ludicrous bridezilla weddings that cost upwards of £20k these days. Enjoy! 😄

I know it’s meant to be that public declaration thing but i am not even bothered about that!!

Sounds ideal.

My Dad and his partner of over 35 years did this a couple of years ago.
I'm the only one who knows.
It was great for them, it sorted out inheritance and tax issues. Done in 15 mins and they went home and had a cup of tea afterwards.

He only told me afterwards so I'd know for estate management purposes.

Registry office and a massive bbq party with all your friends to celebrate 🥳 nothing expensive but a nice gathering for you all to celebrate with a few drinks 🍸

Getting married is basically an admin task. The size of your wedding is entirely up to you. It's not really a public declaration of love but a contract that binds your tax and assets and needs a separate legal process to undo. It's a very cost effective way of protecting yourself financially to a larger degree than if you don't marry if you're the lower earner and assuming your husband isn't going to hide their assets on a split. Although not necessarily a great idea if your partner incurs debts during your marriage or you want to ring fence your own assets.

Just make it whatever you want it to be. I know two people who did this quite recently (they need to be married so they can live together when they move abroad for work next year), and they literally went in on a Tuesday to do it.

My aunt had a morning registry office wedding followed by a small family meal with a small wedding cake. It was perfect, and all home in time for tea!

Wow this is exactly me!
I have been with my partner for about 19 years, we have a toddler and own a house.
I have always been anti the idea of a wedding- no offence to anyone who loves it but I can't bare the idea of paying a lot of money to be the centre of attention, dress up and have lots of people around me- all things I hate! To me it was just a bit of paper so I didn't see the point. For balance I should point out my partner would quite like to be married but isn't really bothered about a wedding.
However we have realised that there is a catch with DP work pension and I will benefit much more if we are married (personally I feel it's old fashioned and discriminatory but there you go).
So seriously contemplating doing what you suggest just for that reason.
My other concern is offending family- neither set of our parents will ever have another child get married and both mums would love a traditional wedding (although the dads would rather be excused!). My gran may never speak to me again if I don't invite her and have some sort of ceremony however she is 97 so I may just wait another year or 2!

Who do you think you might offend? Just get on with doing it whatever way you want.

@WishfulThunking

Most weddings are minimum £20,000 Bridezilla or not.

If you nip down the registry office in an outfit you already own with a couple of witnesses, how exactly will you spend thousands? It's £56 in our area.

Clearly you won't.

We did it! It was either that, or have to pay for 2 rooms as we were unmarried, to attend a trade show in a country where unmarried people can’t share a room (and at £500+ a night, bugger that).

We’d been together for nearly 25 years too.

I think the initial appointment was £70 for both of us, then £70 for the actual ceremony, and our adult kids were our witnesses.

We wore jeans and t-shirts (although I did treat myself to a new Ramones T, I’m not an utter savage lol).

It was wonderfully surreal, and DS (film student at the time so a free photographer) took a brilliant pic of the Registrar bent double laughing with us!

Mum had a face like a cat’s arse when she popped in, but that’d be her default setting if we’d spent tens of thousands anyway.

Sod’s Law, the trade show was cancelled!

Obviously there is more legal protection being married, but it has changed our relationship for the better (and it was already pretty bloody perfect) in a more subtle, intangible way that we can’t put our fingers on.

I say to anyone who has been together for an eternity, just go for it!

Only if you let it be.

I'm with the OP on this. After being together 20 years we decided just to have a quiet midweek registry ceremony with a couple of very close friends as witnesses. We did have a bit of a do several months later with family.

OP we also went into planning our registry wedding thinking it was a bit of a life admin thing, but in the end as it got to a couple of days before hand and it kind of became something special. All the more special because we were sharing it only with a very, very few people that we were genuinely close to. I think it's quite romantic going into marriage with 20 or 25 years already together.

Yes but my point was those two don't go hand in hand.

I used to be a registrar and it's quite common to do it for the reasons you say. I think it's a great idea!

YANBU. Please do it for all the financial reasons.

You could also go for a civil partnership, very similar legal protections.

I have a couple of sets of friends in the same position and we have talked about all doing it together and being each others witnesses!

I love that idea!! What a memory to share

Happy 25th anniversary today!

I actually agree with you. And this is coming from someone who spent thousands on their wedding. While I don’t regret it, it was only one day and I sometimes wonder what the point was of spending all that money. We could have just popped down to the registry office and we’d still have the exact same marriage we have now but more money. Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to spend loads of money on a wedding if it’s not your thing.

It is just admin. The only reason I got married is to make it easier when one of us dies. Most of our friends don’t even know that we are married as we didn’t make an announcement or change anything in our lives.

I worked out that it was cheaper to get married than to write two wills 😁 so we married on a Tuesday morning, parents as witnesses, and then had lunch out. Our disabled son stayed in school as he wouldn't have understood. Job done!

I think it's very cool to get married privately and very romantic - dh and I did it 25 years ago - adding 200 people to the occasion would not have made it more romantic.

Don't get married and just make sure wills, pensions etc are set up so you both are the recipients of each other.