To see marriage as an admin task!!

[Edenspirits73]

DP and I have been together for 25 years today - never really been that bothered about getting married but as we have got older, have seen the legal protection it offers as probably important. We have just been busy raising our kids etc.

Thinking now of popping down the registry office one Friday and just doing it- I do honestly see it as an admin task - I know it’s wildly unromantic but after 25 years, that’s how it is 😂 I can’t be bothered with the expense or organisation of a wedding!!

Anyone else done it this way and it’s been
ok? Weirdly I have a couple of sets of friends in the same position and we have talked about all doing it together and being each others witnesses!

Aibu? I don’t want to offend anyone!

Marriage is primarily a legal contract that governs your finances.

People make it about a lot more but if you strip away the fluff thats all it really means.

On that basis YANBU. Sounds quite nice really- go with some friends, each get married, glass of champagne, home!

(If you don’t plan on telling anyone make sure the solicitor who does your will also has a copy of your marriage certificate.)

Which is completely ridiculous! You don’t need to have matching favours and flowers to declare your love for each other 😄. It’s become an insane business 😬

You need to look into the full bias towards marriage that society gives. You can't (easily) legally contract the same benefits.

One of our motivations was that neither of us were getting any younger, and without being married we were not next of kin for medical decision-making.

There is a huge raft of legal documentation required to get even close to giving the same benefits to an unmarried long-term relationship as would be gained through the simplicity of a marriage certificate.

However we have realised that there is a catch with DP work pension and I will benefit much more if we are married (personally I feel it's old fashioned and discriminatory but there you go).
Nonsense, it's not discriminatory. You can get married or not, it's up to you. It's not 'discriminatory' for the pension company to say "the terms of our legal contract (the pension) relies on the terms of another legal contract (marriage)".

I'd much rather have that system: a binary of married or not-married, and everybody knows where they stand. The idea that a LTR can drift - at some indeterminate point, and against your wishes - into a legal status is appalling.

We did it. No fuss, no rings, no fancy clothes, no lunch, no nothing. Like a trip to Tesco. Were back home within an hour. Like any other day other than the admin. Easy as pie

My parents got married on a weekday morning in the local registry office. They had only been together a few years, but they also didn't want the hassle and expense of anything bigger. It was just them + their parents. No dressing up either, just jeans and t-shirts.They're still together nearly 40 years later.

We had a traditional wedding (well all done in a hotel ) and think we were about £4500 all in about 7 years ago.

Another benefit of getting older is knowing whose opinion counts and who to please. Though I'm not sure why anyone would be offended.

I really like the mutual witnessing thing. That would be really special.

You don't need to tell the family! And if you do tell them in another 19 years! 🤣

Everyone should have the wedding that suits them! Who cares what anyone else thinks? It’s about you as a couple, not anyone else. Before I joined my employer, there was a couple that worked there who got married in their lunch hour! And another couple who did it very low-key after I’d told him she wouldn’t get a pension if he died - they basically married for financial reasons.

I think it would be a lovely idea to do it with your friends and have a joint celebration.

Completely agree. I’ve never wanted to get married, even as a kid when you’re supposedly meant to dream about princess dresses and all that crap. My love for my partner is shown through the things we do in our lives together, I don’t need to drop an obscene amount of money on a glorified school disco to show it. Visa reasons mean marriage is necessary though so we did exactly as you said and nobody knows except the witnesses. I really don’t like the institution of marriage and its history and what that represents. I’d like to see it abolished in favour of civil partnerships for everyone.

We did this, registry office with a few key people and then we went to prezzo. Cost about £600 all in and we ended up with more money in gifts than we spent (we didn’t ask for anything people just gave!)
I have zero regrets, it was a lovely day and I had no desire for a big wedding as I hate being the centre of attention.

I'm just saying if you spend £20,000 it doesn't make you a bridezilla.

Sounds like you're doing it more to tick a box rather than an actual desire/need for it.

Why bother if you're not particularly fussed?

I think you need to give notice etc first so won't be a quick pop into the office. Ot will take about 6 months ish to get there I think.

But YANBU at all.

As OP said, for the legal protections it brings

It's 29 days notice. You can have it all done within a month of your first appointment with the registrar. Although it can be significantly longer if one of you is not a UK citizen.

There are huge legal benefits. Not just financial.

Yes that’s fine, have a lovely day. If we had witnesses we would do the same (18 years here).

But you do have to give a certain number of days notice, I think it may be 28?

You're setting up box ticking and actual need/desire as two separate things here. They're really, really not. Being able to tick the spouse/civil partner box can make a significant different to a person's legal or financial position.

OP and her DP are far from the first people to realise, as time passes, that this is the more practical option for them.

Thanks for all the comments.

It’s definitely a box ticking exercise for us to give us some legal protection. My DP is 13 years older than me.

But I am ok with it being for admin purposes!!

We felt the same as you so did it in Vegas and combined it with a holiday to somewhere we wanted to go.

Totally agree it's not discrimination (and with your other points)

We've discussed this over the years. I've never felt the need to get married, we've been happy for 29years, 3 children, mortgage etc. But some recent bereavements have been on my mind.
I think you may have just spurred me on to get booked.
Go for it, enjoy your day, your way x

We had a secret registry office wedding and don't regret it at all. Parents were very annoyed initially but I think they understand why we did it. I viewed it as a legal contract rather than a romantic occasion - no different to signing the house purchase and I didn't invite 200 people to watch that! You do need 2 witnesses so joining up with friends will help.