Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To see marriage as an admin task!!

77 replies

Edenspirits73 · 01/07/2024 06:08

DP and I have been together for 25 years today - never really been that bothered about getting married but as we have got older, have seen the legal protection it offers as probably important. We have just been busy raising our kids etc.

Thinking now of popping down the registry office one Friday and just doing it- I do honestly see it as an admin task - I know it’s wildly unromantic but after 25 years, that’s how it is 😂 I can’t be bothered with the expense or organisation of a wedding!!

Anyone else done it this way and it’s been
ok? Weirdly I have a couple of sets of friends in the same position and we have talked about all doing it together and being each others witnesses!

Aibu? I don’t want to offend anyone!

OP posts:
Weetabbix · 01/07/2024 08:03

Why would it offend anyone?

Peonies12 · 01/07/2024 08:04

It is a legal process at the end of the day - more people should think of it like that! Do what works for you.

Savoydone · 01/07/2024 08:04

I got married this year after 30 years together. Registry office, my children and two members of my family. It was surprisingly emotional. We got a bit dressed up and I had a very small bouquet. Half an hour done and then a quick change and off on a holiday that was already booked. I loved it.

LlynTegid · 01/07/2024 08:05

I admire people who have quiet weddings in a way. Go for it.

UprootedSunflower · 01/07/2024 08:08

We took two friends for witnesses and had a meal after, nicely spent day. 20+ years on no regrets

AfterYesterday · 01/07/2024 08:08

I wanted to be married but not have a wedding - paid $200 to get married in Vegas while on a USA road trip, best decision ever!

Hohofortherobbers · 01/07/2024 08:09

RedHelenB · 01/07/2024 08:02

Don't get married and just make sure wills, pensions etc are set up so you both are the recipients of each other.

And if your assets are greater than the iht threshold you'll just have to give a slice to HMRC.
No IHT to pay between spouses.

IncompleteSenten · 01/07/2024 08:10

Yes, the act of entering into the contract of marriage is basically just admin.

CurlewKate · 01/07/2024 08:10

Absolutely. Go for it.

Fairyflaps · 01/07/2024 08:15

This is what we did and it was fine. It was perfect for us.
I had worried that some family members might be upset, but that wasn't the case.

Ragwort · 01/07/2024 08:18

Totally sensible - whether you have been together two years or twenty plus. My parents had a very quiet wedding (two witnesses only) ... they just popped out together at lunch time - their boss did say 'have the afternoon off' ..
they were married over 60 years.
I did the same - did have a small lunch for five of us but no other guests .. married 35 years now! I have no wish/expectation that my DC have a big wedding, in fact I would be much happier if they eloped and told me afterwards.
Weddings are such a ridiculous waste of money and energy ... and I've calculated that well over half of all the weddings I've attended have ended in divorce.

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 01/07/2024 08:24

Aibu? I don’t want to offend anyone!

Who would you be offending? Unless you're being snide or snearing about weddings.
Your wedding, your choices.

Most people probably think you're married anyway.

happystrummer · 01/07/2024 08:24

Savoydone · 01/07/2024 08:04

I got married this year after 30 years together. Registry office, my children and two members of my family. It was surprisingly emotional. We got a bit dressed up and I had a very small bouquet. Half an hour done and then a quick change and off on a holiday that was already booked. I loved it.

Yes we just did the exact same last month after 28 years Just us, our son and the family witnesses ...dressed up a bit, home made cake/bouquet/pinholes, home for cake and champers, then off to the pub. Short "honeymoon" a couple of days later. We both loved our day, no fuss, minimal organising, was meant to be "admin" registry wedding but also suprisingly very emotional.

Whatifitallgoesright · 01/07/2024 08:25

Hohofortherobbers · 01/07/2024 08:09

And if your assets are greater than the iht threshold you'll just have to give a slice to HMRC.
No IHT to pay between spouses.

Show quote history

I'm in this process now. Get married, it will save a lot of stress because as much as we don't like to think about it, anyone can die suddenly.

Another2Cats · 01/07/2024 08:28

RedHelenB · 01/07/2024 08:02

Don't get married and just make sure wills, pensions etc are set up so you both are the recipients of each other.

From an inheritance tax point of view that really is not the best way of doing things. However, holding the property as tenants in common and properly written wills leaving the family home in trust to the children rather than the surviving partner would also work.

However, if there is no likelihood whatsoever of either partner having to pay IHT in the future then, yes, it doesn't really matter.

SocoBateVira · 01/07/2024 08:28

Completely fine. And perhaps more common than you might think, as people get older and realise they like the legal position of bereaved spouses more than they like the legal position of bereaved cohabitants. Marriage is a legal contract after all. And you don't have to tell anyone!

PeloMom · 01/07/2024 08:29

When we decided to get married I was happy with popping in the registry office followed by a nice lunch. My DH however wanted a wedding so we had the smallest one possible (his family is huge so…). I don’t get the point of expensive (or even inexpensive) weddings.

FangsForTheMemory · 01/07/2024 08:30

I knew someone who did this, more or less. Their parents were told beforehand and wanted to go along so it was parents, two friends as witnesses, £30 new frock for her, two 9ct rings and drinks in the pub after. About £150 altogether. Everyone was perfectly happy.

Jeezitneverends · 01/07/2024 08:32

We did it like this 27 years ago, parents and my sibling only….told no one till after the event….a couple of elderly relatives got the hump but they got over themselves when I produced their first great grandchild a few months later 😂

Igmum · 01/07/2024 08:32

Quite a few friends have done it like that. It's very sensible. Good luck Flowers

Dontcallmescarface · 01/07/2024 08:32

We did civil Partnership rather than marriage (I've been married twice before and have no intention of doing it a 3rd time), and other than DD, her DP, FiL and the taxman, nobody else knows. We did it on a Wednesday in our lunch break with 2 witnesses who we found in the building and went straight back to work. Neither of us wanted a ring so there is no outward sign of our 24years together being "legalized".

DinnaeFashYersel · 01/07/2024 08:33

If the only reason you want to do this is legal protection then it is admin task and treating that way sounds reasonable

Branleuse · 01/07/2024 08:36

We did it last year after nearly 20yrs together.
Registry office, dress from charity shop. A family member did us a party after. It was all arranged within a few weeks so it was fairly small. It was really perfect way to do it. It was still meaningful though, and actually felt more special that we had finally got round to it after so long, and our kids were so happy

duckduckgo13 · 01/07/2024 08:38

Sounds totally sensible. I think it's a bit strange anyway to have the full white dress and bridesmaids and "giving the bride away" scene when you've been together a very long time and have children...

Frlrlrubert · 01/07/2024 08:42

DH's aunt and partner just did this in their 60s. Their child is 30s. Didn't even tell anyone. Good on them.