Ex rang me tonight

[Deebee90]

Just that really and it’s shook me up, we split over 5 years ago as he said he wasn’t 100% about me. Wasn’t expecting it especially as we’d looked at houses and talked children.

anyway I was watching the game and got a WhatsApp call. Missed it and when I looked it was him In the profile picture. Well it was him , a lady and a child so I’m guessing his family.

no idea why he’s kept my number as I deleted his when we split but it’s made me feel shit like this should have been my life. I’m right to ignore and block aren’t i.

Yes, you're doing the right thing.

What should have been your life? Being married and with child to a man calling his ex? Count your lucky stars that isn't you.

No kids or ties, he doesn’t need to talk to you. And you don’t need to have unwanted reminders of things if you don’t want to.

But……..you said it’s made you feel shit as that life should have been yours, so it’s worth thinking about that. Not him, obviously, as @EatTheGnome says, he’s calling his ex instead of being with his family, but how can you improve things in your life, how can you feel less shit and more confident so if you could replay this evening and not feel shit, what would that mean? Would you be dating/different job etc?

Don’t feel bad, many of us have been there and it’s not a great feeling. You did the right thing before when you deleted his number, your instincts then were sound, so blocking him now seems appropriate.
Doesn’t sound like he has your interests in mind if he called you (especially if his profile features him and his family!)
You put a barrier up before to protect yourself, so you know you’re capable of figuring out how to do this. You know you’re worth better than being someone’s sop when they rejected you before, so hold onto that thought.

Yeah it’s made me feel shit as I thought I’d be married with kids by now but sadly since splitting with him I’ve found I most likely can’t have them thanks to chemo. Just made me reminisce for a time when I wanted the world. I don’t plan on getting in touch. Was just surprised he has my number after 5 years.

So, whatever you have undergone regarding chemo must have been tough. You have come through all of that and deserve to give yourself a lot of credit. I’m sorry to hear that you probably can’t conceive but I think there are groups here on Mumsnet and elsewhere to talk through that if that’s something you feel you’d like to do.

This guy just called you out of the blue, and the picture with the things you thought you’d have must have been a shock.

I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but a family consisting of partner/child is something you can maybe still have one day if you want. It certainly doesn’t happen for everyone but it’s not impossible.

Thank you .

yeah I’ve gone through absolute shit, I’m in some of the groups already and I’m on the list for therapy thankfully,

yeah it was a shock . I’m happy he found someone and had a child just hurt as he broke my heart.

thank you. I’m optimistic for the future. I’d be happy to find my person.

He may have called you by accident/ could be his wife. Don't think what could have been, because it's 'magical thinking' and not real. I'm sorry about all you have been through and hope you meet someone lovely, who perhaps has kids for you to take a motherly role. The other poster was right- you don't want to be with someone who calls their ex x

Same happened to me. An ex.

Search under not that girl and you may find some answers.

All I can say is stay away and block him.
Never ends well and you'll get hurt again.

Exactly!

Assuming he wasn’t a complete idiot…do you think he might have dialed you by accident? I am guilty of never deleting any phone numbers from my phone and can well imagine fat finger dialling the wrong person like that and being mortified.

An ex from decades ago got in touch with me about 12 years ago - we'd split after 3 years (I dumped him as I knew he was merely biding his time), when I was 25 and he 26 and within 2 months he'd met, married and impregnated someone else. This was 1984!

We chatted (he was still with wife, they have 2 grown up kids) via emails and friended on facebook. After a few months I was ghosted. Eventually, he blocked me entirely.

Still no idea what it was all about but oh my goodness - the emotions it brought back, stirred up and fucked up in my brain! After nearly 30 years!

Block and ignore. No good will come of it.

He’s rang me again tonight. Obviously haven’t picked up as I do not plan to speak to him. Will be blocking him now.

You are better off. it will mess with your head otherwise

@Deebee90 - sorry to hear about the chemo etc,

If he has rang you again tonight then it wasn't a mistake! Take some comfort in the fact that he obviously isn't that into his wife etc otherwise he wouldn't be calling you ....

Absolutely block. It’s been 5 years, he shouldn’t be attempting to reopen that dialogue after all this time just because something may have prompted him to want attention. Not healthy at all.

Personally I'd be curious. I wouldn't answer but I'd send a message, maybe saying "who is this?" 😂

It's a sign to start dating. Not him obviously, hate to say it but maybe the wife found your number and rang it as she's suspicious or something or his kid by mistake or aswell it could have been him, who knows, but the thing to take away from this is, maybe life is saying it's time to move forward and start looking for happiness

We're you very close with his family or had friends of his you were close to? Maybe he is calling to tell you some sad new he feels you would want to know.
I would answer but keep your guard up until you know what's what

I’m too nosy, I’d message him to ask why he was calling. Probably not the best advice but I would.

I think I'd want to know what he has to say.

Could it be that he's heard you have been unwell and having chemo and he wants to talk to you?

i had a boyfriend - not a hugely serious one granted but we were together when he ghosted me. I discovered later he’d been transferred to Wales as part of his function in the RAF. His friend contacted me to say he’d met and married a lady there. Years later he was going to be treated at a military hospital near my house and got in touch with me out of the blue. Apparently I was the best shag he’d ever had. Oh the romance! I may have given him the impression that I would meet him at his hotel ( but I blocked and deleted instead ). The cheek of these blokes coming back.

Me too but don't take my advice op :)

Why would it give comfort that he's being a jerk ?OP is right to block his number.