I don’t enjoy motherhood

[ThatTealViewer]

My DD is 15 months, I think she’s wonderful and I love her very much.

However, I hear/read women (and occasionally men) saying that being a parent is amazing, how good they feel, how they never dreamt life could be so fulfilling/this is all they’ve ever wanted - and I simply cannot relate.

I love DD, and I think I’m a pretty good parent, but I find most of parenting fairly dull and monotonous. I do not enjoy it, it does not fulfil me and I do not find it amazing. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in well over a year, I’m pudgy, irritable and exhausted.

I have a loving DH who pulls his weight, no financial worries and a decent support network. So, it’s not about that. And I’m not depressed or anxious. My life was just extremely enjoyable before and now there are lots of considerably less enjoyable things that need to happen, and I’m not finding them as glorious as lots of other women seem to be.

Is there anyone who can relate? If so, do you also feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way? Like you’re malfunctioning in some way?

Age 5 to 11 is delightful. This is when we get to enjoy them

then the eldest becomes a teen and that’s the hardest stage of all!

Honestly at around 8 it gets SO much easier.

This is it.

It's unrelenting, so don't feel bad about it. I find motherhood to be such a personal experience as well, that it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, your process can be unique to you 💐.

I’m really going through it right now too and I also feel terribly guilty. I find myself wanting to be anywhere else when they want me to just play with them. I start to dissociate when my three year old gears up for a tantrum. I hate the drudgery and monotony. And I feel horrible because my seven year old feels it, I think. Actually I think they both too. Im just exhausted.

I didn't enjoy the toddler years at all. From age 4/5 it started to get nicer. And personally I have found the teenage years great, my DS is 16 and it's been no trouble at all.

I don't think it is supposed be 100% enjoyable?

Its a role/job/duty. As with many things that are challenging, there can be real rewards and enjoyable times.

But who loves getting up at 6am yet again, making slushy weetabix yet again, changing nappies yet again? No one!

Who loves yet another school run with two comatose teens? No one!

However when said teen draws you a lovely mothers day card and says thank you and love you, it is all worth it!

When your toddler is really cute as a sheep in the nativity, it is all worth it.

@WhydoIcaresomuch no way I’m doubling up with another one in the hope they play together. Those first 2 yrs were hell on earth! Thanks OP for creating this thread

Yes, totally normal! Please don't worry/feel guilty. You'll end up only remembering how you felt guilty etc and not actually end up remembering any fun times you did manage to have! (From my experience, anyway!).

I'm sure you're a FAB mother so don't fear - enjoy the little moments of "nice" that you do get and just allow the other emotions of being fed up to ride their course. I highly doubt they will last... my DS became way more fun at around the 4/5 age mark because we could just do more stuff with much more ease!

Stupidly we now have a newborn but NEVERMIND 🤣 big hugs xx

Nothing could have prepared me for the teenage years with my girls.
It's next level hard work.
I'm waiting for them to come back from their dad's with dread in my belly

This!

Thanks for posting OP, you've made me feel more normal for struggling too.

People romanticise the baby/toddler years so much, to an abnormal degree quite frankly that makes us feel guilty when we don't.

I adore my two boys (2 under 2) and love them with all my heart. But my goodness it is relentless. I long for a day spent in bed having a lie in, followed by a hot bath, lunch out, pampering.... ah.

Instead here I am today going to soft play!

I hear you!

Emotionally, it's the most fulfilling, wonderful, amazing thing I've ever done.

Day-to-day? Bloody awful. Relentless grind. 90% of the things I do, I do every day. But I think of it as each day is one more building block in their future mental health. And I look forward to a full night's sleep, a full meal, and a full minute of no-one needing anything ... in about 18 years' time!

Late primary years were the easiest for us. And the early years weren't too bad as I enjoyed being with them, playing with them, despite the hard graft. But the teenage years have been awful so far with my 13 and 15yr olds. So much sacrifice, for little reward, at least that what it feels like.

I enjoy the kisses and the pride when they do something new but it’s a horrendous workload. I’ve bit slept properly in 11 years with mine. The illnesses, the lack of sleep, the wiping bums, relentless food making and clearing up, dealing with their emotions. I don’t enjoy myself on a day to day basis. I’ve got two with a big age gap inbetween and I didn’t stop doing ‘mum jobs’ until 10:15pm last night and then I was up twice in the night with my three year old who has covid

Find small children hard work and boring if I’m honest. So much nicer now they’re 35 and 26. They’re the greatest x

I will say though that some of us enjoy the ‘drudge’ that others don’t, and there’ll be bits I don’t enjoy that others do.

I LOVE the school run. I love making their meals and ensuring everyone eats well 85/90% of the time. When they’re older and sick, you get the perfect excuse to watch endless films and really make a fuss of them (young sick kids are NOT fun, and it’s even worse when you get ill; this ends!). I love watching them play sports - even in winter. Football is the highlight of my life (and I’m not actually a football fan) and I go to every game. Reading them stories is the best. As they get older you can travel much more easily and taking them away is great whereas holidays with young kids was like purgatory for me.

We’ve not quite entered teen years yet but I hear a lot of positives about these from friends and colleagues. Plus, as they get older you can push ahead with your career and you feel more you again.

I feel the same most of the time and then my three year old will do something lovely like wake me up by getting into my bed, snuggling and whispering 'I love you mummy.' 🥺

Just, thank you for this thread. You've made me feel sane / not a dreadful mum.

From,

Mother of a nearly three year old who is going through it all.