I don’t enjoy motherhood

[ThatTealViewer]

My DD is 15 months, I think she’s wonderful and I love her very much.

However, I hear/read women (and occasionally men) saying that being a parent is amazing, how good they feel, how they never dreamt life could be so fulfilling/this is all they’ve ever wanted - and I simply cannot relate.

I love DD, and I think I’m a pretty good parent, but I find most of parenting fairly dull and monotonous. I do not enjoy it, it does not fulfil me and I do not find it amazing. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in well over a year, I’m pudgy, irritable and exhausted.

I have a loving DH who pulls his weight, no financial worries and a decent support network. So, it’s not about that. And I’m not depressed or anxious. My life was just extremely enjoyable before and now there are lots of considerably less enjoyable things that need to happen, and I’m not finding them as glorious as lots of other women seem to be.

Is there anyone who can relate? If so, do you also feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way? Like you’re malfunctioning in some way?

I’ve hear people say ‘8 is great’. Hopefully that’s not a lie, but I cannot confirm or deny.

I've had IVF and am at peace now with not having children. What has honestly really helped is looking around me and seeing how utterly miserable all the vast majority of parents I know are - with their children primarily but also their partners. It looks tedious, relentless, and exhausting. Sure there are moments of joy but I get them too without all the hard work and my life feels peaceful. What I am constantly staggered by is how surprised everyone is at how miserable they are, as if every study doesn't clearly show how your happiness goes down when you have children. I knew this and still did fertility treatment! Mad.

Thank you to all of you parents for doing it! I appreciate it. After all, the human race does need kids.

I can completely relate to this, my DD is 14 months (15 months next week) and I also have a wonderful DH and fab supportive family.
I go through phases of absolutely loving life and thinking everything is perfect, to feeling so low and thinking about how good life was before. I think I mainly feel like this when DD is going through a fussy phase or housework is getting on top of me.
I personally really feel like I am still adjusting to it all and my hormones still have a massive part to play in my moods. Of course life was so easy before we had our babies but when I think about her not being here with us, life feels empty.
I feel like things will get easier for us as they get older and we are able to communicate with them! It won't be like this forever and you will enjoy life again.

🤣🤣 for years I heard after 4 but definitely at 5..I waited and waited for nothing 🤣. We are on a 3 week of a very looked forward vacation and all I do is pander to a 5 yr old or listen to the whining cause I’m not pandering 🤷🏻‍♀️. Everyday life isn’t that different

I think it depends on your so called "love-language" as well. Mine is making sure that DS has lovely clean bedding with nice-smelling fabric softener, his favourite snacks are in the cupboard, and taking him places (swimming, NTs, soft play on a random Tuesday). It is absolutely not racing Hot Wheels around the lounge floor for 3 hours or pretending to be a robber in the garden. I feel like when he was very small he'd obviously prefer the latter!

I hated it! 0-6 months was hell, 6 months -2 was a bit better, 2-4 was hard but fun and now he’s 5 and it’s hard for different reasons (just worry about him in school, is he growing etc) but he’s a hoot! It does get better I promise, and it’s ok to think the early days are shite, because they are! This time next year you’ll feel different again.
It was only when he was 4, I thought “I think I’ve got this motherhood thing”

Same here @HandsDown84 ! I hate all that, the playing. Urrrgggh. Luckily my husband loves it

I have a 15 month old who is very very loved and wanted, had her after recurrent miscarriage and am still grateful every day for her. But the day to day exhaustion and disappearance of ‘me’ is also the truth, there are many days when I count hours to bedtime because I’m so tired/sick. Most of my mum friends feel the same way as me - when we moan about the drudgery, many say they feel guilty and how good it is to know you aren’t the only one. Don’t listen to what they say on social media.

I don’t feel guilty/wrong at all for feeling this way, I love my DD and wouldn’t have it any other way but I struggle often.
Hugs x

I can confirm that 6 almost 7 is fairly hideous. Our DD still narrates the world around her from 7am-whatever time we can get her to sleep. Most of it is absolute gibberish, to the extent it aggravates my adult ear to listen or focus on it. We still try to do the odd adult fun thing: gallery, non-child based holiday or posh restaurant, only to watch it being totally ruined with whinging. The school holidays are the worst, I watch the countdown with my head in my hands. I struggle with the service side of parenting, I was genuinely happier not having to perform school runs, order and clean school uniform, wipe bottoms and crumbs or force Calpol down anyone’s throat. They should run through this stuff in more detail during sex education classes in my opinion.

I so enjoyed teaching my kids how to read. It's really paid off for me.

That is a very fun bit - you are quite right. Everyone must enjoy different bits.

@80smonster oh god the narration! It’s like a radio with no off button from opening the eyes in the morning till bedtime 🤣

I also enjoyed football practice with my DS, while having zero interest in football on its own. I am very interested in HIM, though. That has also paid off. He's 20 now, and very sporty. I have learnt all about Spurs so I can have a convo with him.

Both my DC also good travellers after 4, so I was lucky there. Fair bit of luck goes into these things.

Mines 6 and although still relentless when I look back to a couple of years ago I realise how much better it really is. For me personally it's gone from really hating parenting but it's gradually got better every year so that gives me a lot of hope. I absolutely love the bones of my child but God it's hard work 😭😂

The days are long but the years are short.

DD is the best person in the world but 0-2 OMFG.

The days are long but the years are short.

Sums it up completely. If anybody told me I would miss those early years, I would have said "Are you mad?" I do miss the 4 to 12 years a lot though, now they are grown.

Geezo the baby years can be relentless and yes mind numbingly boring. It gets better, I promise.

That's so true. DD has just left primary and it's very much where did the time go.

Yes. 'All joy, no fun' is another phrase that resonated for me.

The school years are the best. Also love teenagers - funny and interesting.

you will look back at the toddler days and see cute pics but at the time it’s very repetitive

Like a hideous radio station that can’t be switched off. Do they all talk this much I wonder? Obviously I won’t be having a second to test drive this question. 😂I see other kids sitting in total silence with their parents and feel a huge sense of envy. Like how did you get them to do that dude - tell me your secret.

There will come a time when you would give anything to receive one word of communication from your surly silent teenager😂

will. not would. sorry, grammar all over the place.

Depends on the kid, the parent, and various other circs ime.

I cannot imagine life without my kids, love them so hard it hurts, and think having them is the best thing I ever did. I also hate the “service” side of it and the drudgery with every fibre of my being. I hate the boredom and the monotony and the fact it never ever stops. Mine are 14 and 16. I love love love spending time with them. Life is full of contradictions.