DH demanding my full attention all the time

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DH has this developed a thing where he always demands I give him my full attention and it’s driving me nuts.

This mainly happens when he’s doing jobs around the house. He’s got a very practical approach and he’s good at DIY. We have a doer upper and he’s doing a lot of the work which is obviously great. However he insists on explaining every little bit of detail to me and often I’m not really interested or I don’t understand what he’s saying as my mind doesn’t work the same way. We also have 2 DC, one of whom is a newborn, and I just often don’t have time.

Example; I’m in the bedroom trying to grab nappies etc quickly to get back to screaming newborn and toddler. DH starts telling me in detail about the job he’s doing in the ensuite. I’m trying to get everything together and pick up some clothes for the wash basket at the same time but he keeps pausing his explanation until I’ve stopped what I’m doing to give my full attention. If I don’t he implies I’m ungrateful/stupid/not appreciative. I am, it’s just I’m trying to do something else!

AIBU about this? By his own admission there are plenty of times I’ve told him something and he has forgotten because he wasn’t listening or he deemed the information not important (his words!). I don’t see why this is any different.

That’s brilliant! I might have to show DH your post. He always needs to talk through everything he’s doing even when he’s talked me through what he’s planning, then when he’s almost doing it, actually when it’s being done and afterwards….. in my case though I know he’s doing it through insecurity and lack of confidence in his abilities, rather than anything else, so I pay attention the first time and just remind him of his own decisions on the others.

He sounds like that insufferable character from Ever Decreasing Circles (Martin, I think).

I agree with some of the pp and I would get in the habit of giving detailed information about everything the baby/kids have done and your thoughts and opinions on them in excruciating detail.

He sounds so patronising and dominant.

Does he watch Andrew Tate by chance?

Tell him that you are fully invested in serving the urgent and non-stop needs of his two children.

It's very telling that he hasn't put the DIY vanity project on hold when there's a newborn and a toddler in the house.

It's almost as if he concocted a project to distract you, center himself in the home instead of the newborn and toddler and his wife who is recovering from childbirth, and make himself feel important, the immature twat.

Tell him you would like him to sit down with you later when/ if the babies are sleeping, and that you will expect his full attention to what you have to say. Make sure he understands that you are not his mammy, you are his wife, and that he's a big boy now.

Hilarious.

His overall situation is that he's jealous of the attention his wife is giving to his children, one a newborn and one a toddler.

Hand him the crying baby and say here you are I can give you my attention now!

Thi statement worries me.You get in trouble?What kind of trouble?He sounds controlling.

This ain't a marriage that will work out.

Mine did this (note the past tense!)
My response would always be 'I'm not your Debbie McGee, I've got stuff to do too'.

I LOVE the phrase “Oh! I was actually using my brain for my own stuff right now”.
It's the assumption you're there, body and brain, as a resource for them at all times.

Honestly I think I'd just walk away & tell him to tell me about it over lunch/dinner.

He sounds ridiculous.

Don’t think that’s the solution I was suggesting? I was asking to check the reasons for his feeling so and ask him to address it that way and not have her be his emotional support all the time

He sounds nasty.
Verbally abusing you because you are too busy to listen to him drone on endlessly.
Not normal

My thoughts exactly.

It’s quite an emotional and mental investment to work on a house and he wants your support and input and involvement. Look at it that way?

Why does he get angry? That is quite worrying.

Just pointedly start narrating every detail of how you are changing a nappy or doing the laundry or changing a nappy, then pitch a fit if he doesn't seem enthralled.

Is he autistic? I only ask because it sounds like he’s very interested in talking in detail about an interest of his - despite you not being in a position to listen.

This! My hubby is hugely into mechanics and often has a project on the go, I pay attention sometimes and pretend an interest. Mainly he phones his brother and they chat for hours over the project. Win win!

The horrible people on Mumsnet getting what they deserve

I think if you're talking to someone you should give them your full attention, absolutely. If I'm talking to DP and his attention drifts, I'm like... I can just stop trying to make conversation and go off and read my book, then? And he'll apologise.

Having said that both of us are prepared to say "can't talk to you/think about that right now, in the middle of something" or even "sorry I'm really not interested" and neither of us take offence at that.

You need a very brief way to say, not right now or just a minute if you're in the middle of something. I agree that it's good to give people full attention when talking but the other person should also be making some effort to pick the right time.

Takes a huge amount of male entitlement to think you can just start talking and everyone in earshot will immediately drop what they are doing and start listening in awe.

FiL used to do it, would even have the audacity to say 'oh, I see you are in the middle of something' before ploughing on regardless. Drove me right up the wall.

I would say "I am interested but busy, tell me later".