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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it okay to leave a baby in the car?

78 replies

Anonymousmummmy · 29/06/2024 23:06

My son recently started a new nursery, and about 2/3 weeks ago I noticed at pick up time that there was a baby left alone in a car (I would estimate around 3-5 months old), with the windows all the way down… ie I could have climbed though a window and taken that baby in probably under 30 seconds.

The nursery has a garden at the back, and then at the end of the garden there’s a gate which leads to the small car park with no cameras and completely open to the public - which you enter/exit via a small ‘through’ road with a few houses on the opposite side, but mainly just garages and parking behind each building so the odd person/car but not crazy busy. Anyway, you have to leave your car, go through the garden gate (where you already can no longer see your car anymore), walk through the garden, up the side of the building through a kind of alleyway, and then enter the nursery. This nursery does a full handover with a notebook which takes around 5-10 minutes each time. So this baby is left around 10 mins alone inc time to walk there/back from the car, out of sight.

Now the first time I saw it, I was absolutely shocked and actually looked in the windows of the car to make sure there was an adult or someone else in the car with the baby, which there wasn’t. I actually hovered around and kept an eye on the baby until mum had returned with her 2 other older children just to make sure no one took baby or nothing bad happened. I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about it but decided just to leave it; that the mum was probably having a bad day and made a bad decision. Since that first time, I have seen her do exactly the same thing probably 6-8 times. FYI baby is left in their car seat in the front passenger side.

I really really don’t know what to do! I definitely do not want to speak to the mum about it; I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I have considered telling the nursery but the mum will know it’s me as we’re really the only ones who use that car park at the same time for pick up each day (but does this take priority over us potentially being awkward from now on if she does suspect me?). On the first day I saw this happen, I was genuinely considering calling the police but I wouldn’t do that now as think it’s a little dramatic and harsh? I don’t know - AIBU? Is this actually an okay thing to do? She seems so blasé about it - I even saw her sitting on the steps at the front of the nursery the other day with her 2 other children doing something with their bags for quite some time - all whilst her little baby was left completely alone in the car. Please help, I genuinely fear for this child😣 Only one bad person needs to walk past at the wrong thing and lord knows what could happen.

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 29/06/2024 23:09

It doesn't sound great. I would give the NSPCC a call and see what they say.

Lighttodark · 29/06/2024 23:11

I would report to nursery

MissingKitty · 29/06/2024 23:12

Report to nursery

TotHappy · 29/06/2024 23:15

I would do it - albeit not with the windows all the way down, but if they were asleep, yeah - why would someone steal a baby?

MissingKitty · 29/06/2024 23:19

TotHappy · 29/06/2024 23:15

I would do it - albeit not with the windows all the way down, but if they were asleep, yeah - why would someone steal a baby?

Yeah because that’s literally never happened before right? 🙄

TempestTost · 29/06/2024 23:20

It's not at all unusual to see this kind of thing in other countries. People often leave babies in prams in many places.

The fact is our feelings of fear about kidnapping tend to be overblown. The baby is a lot more likely to be in an accident and harmed or killed on the drive over, with the mum in the car, than kidnapped while she pops in to get the other kids.

If the her taking the baby for a car ride doesn't scandalize you, leaving it in the car while getting the other kids probably shouldn't either.

Coconutdreamer · 29/06/2024 23:21

Like pp have said, report to nursery and/or see what the NSPCC say. I think it’s neglectful but plenty will tell you to butt out and she is probably desperate for the baby to stay asleep.

Years ago I posted a similar concern on here and was called all kinds of things for being nosy and ridiculous and it was ‘fine’ to leave a small baby in a car with the windows down on a street for extended periods. Back in the real world, I don’t know anyone who would do this.

Evans4061 · 29/06/2024 23:23

Please please report this as this sounds genuinely concerning. Imagine if something happens in the future and you’d been aware of the 6-8 different occasions prior. Everyone has a duty to safeguard and you can make an anonymous call to social services to share your concerns or let the designated safeguarding lead at nursery know and they can refer. Speaking to the mother directly might result in an unpleasant confrontation whereby she becomes defensive about the situation. It’s not just the risk of the baby being taken- any infant unsupervised is at greater risk ie choking on vomit/over heating/SIDS
The mother also might be in need of some support if she’s struggling. She may find it ‘easier’ to leave her baby in the car whilst she ‘nips’ in to collect other children but the set up you’ve described re car park/gates/paths doesn’t sound ok to me.
You’ll be doing the best thing by telling someone.
Good luck OP

Lighttodark · 29/06/2024 23:23

Risk of anything going wrong is very small, but there are risks nonetheless - these are not worth taking for me

Anonymousmummmy · 29/06/2024 23:33

Just to clarify because a few people have mentioned - I’ve never seen the baby asleep in the car. She’s always wide awake either crying or playing with toys.

OP posts:
Pixilicious1 · 29/06/2024 23:33

Absolutely not OK. Call 111 with the number plate. The police will speak to the parent.

hot2trotter · 29/06/2024 23:41

I would report to nursery, regardless of consequences.
I had a smidgen of understanding when I thought the baby might have been asleep (not wanting to disturb her by lifting her out or something) but somehow the fact that she's awake makes it worse. Report.

Ariel45 · 29/06/2024 23:43

Pixilicious1 · 29/06/2024 23:33

Absolutely not OK. Call 111 with the number plate. The police will speak to the parent.

Please don't call 111. It's 101. Who I also wouldn't recommend calling as a first point of call. I would mention it to the nursery, who will likely then speak to the parents. This will give them a chance to think about their actions. If they keep doing it then yes, make an official report after first seeking advice from NSPCC.

BetsyBobbin · 29/06/2024 23:46

Not even 101, I'd call 999 straight away.

Once is bad enough, repeatedly is just neglect

Jobsharenightmare · 30/06/2024 00:10

It's not against the law to not stop your baby being kidnapped OP. It's only against the law to leave baby if the baby is at risk of suffering or injury. So for example a happy baby playing with toys whilst mum picks up toddler is absolutely fine if baby is protecting from overheating. Leaving a happy or sleeping or crying baby to go shopping for 10 mins isn't OK.

TotHappy · 30/06/2024 00:14

Jobsharenightmare · 30/06/2024 00:10

It's not against the law to not stop your baby being kidnapped OP. It's only against the law to leave baby if the baby is at risk of suffering or injury. So for example a happy baby playing with toys whilst mum picks up toddler is absolutely fine if baby is protecting from overheating. Leaving a happy or sleeping or crying baby to go shopping for 10 mins isn't OK.

What - why? What difference if picking up toddler or nipping into a shop? What laws are you referencing?

BetsyBobbin · 30/06/2024 00:17

Jobsharenightmare · 30/06/2024 00:10

It's not against the law to not stop your baby being kidnapped OP. It's only against the law to leave baby if the baby is at risk of suffering or injury. So for example a happy baby playing with toys whilst mum picks up toddler is absolutely fine if baby is protecting from overheating. Leaving a happy or sleeping or crying baby to go shopping for 10 mins isn't OK.

Did you ask Chat GPT to write that?

Wordsmithery · 30/06/2024 00:18

Report to nursery immediately.
The chances of something sinister happening are remote but the consequences would be devastating. Then there's the possibility of the baby vomiting etc. or being otherwise distressed.
I very much question this mum's judgement if she is happy to leave her child out of earshot, out of sight and unsupervised for maybe ten
minutes - repeatedly. It makes me wonder if she has a similarly cavalier attitude at home.

Helptyhelp · 30/06/2024 00:23

Definitely report it. It’s not just kidnapping to worry about, what if a car smashes into the car the baby is in? What if the baby vomits and chokes? It is a very poor choice and shows neglect, goodness knows what else could be happening. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

Biffbaff · 30/06/2024 00:27

I would tell the nursery so they can put out a memo, she might assume it refers to another parent as she's not very self aware is she.

AmelieTaylor · 30/06/2024 00:33

MissingKitty · 29/06/2024 23:19

Yeah because that’s literally never happened before right? 🙄

@MissingKitty

when did it happen in the uk?

@Anonymousmummmy I couldn't do it myself, but given what you've said about the place I'd think there is far more risk involved in taking the baby with her.

MissingKitty · 30/06/2024 00:40

AmelieTaylor · 30/06/2024 00:33

@MissingKitty

when did it happen in the uk?

@Anonymousmummmy I couldn't do it myself, but given what you've said about the place I'd think there is far more risk involved in taking the baby with her.

Google kidnap in the UK for yourself if interested.

AyrshireTryer · 30/06/2024 00:42

I'd ask the mother how I could help.

Jellybeanz456 · 30/06/2024 01:12

Report to nursery!! Report to there safeguard lead which is probably the manager altho everyone including your self is responsible to safeguard. Why do you care if she knows its you? she's not your friend and your not in the wrong!!

DiscoBeat · 30/06/2024 01:17

AyrshireTryer · 30/06/2024 00:42

I'd ask the mother how I could help.

That would be my thought.

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