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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it okay to leave a baby in the car?

78 replies

Anonymousmummmy · 29/06/2024 23:06

My son recently started a new nursery, and about 2/3 weeks ago I noticed at pick up time that there was a baby left alone in a car (I would estimate around 3-5 months old), with the windows all the way down… ie I could have climbed though a window and taken that baby in probably under 30 seconds.

The nursery has a garden at the back, and then at the end of the garden there’s a gate which leads to the small car park with no cameras and completely open to the public - which you enter/exit via a small ‘through’ road with a few houses on the opposite side, but mainly just garages and parking behind each building so the odd person/car but not crazy busy. Anyway, you have to leave your car, go through the garden gate (where you already can no longer see your car anymore), walk through the garden, up the side of the building through a kind of alleyway, and then enter the nursery. This nursery does a full handover with a notebook which takes around 5-10 minutes each time. So this baby is left around 10 mins alone inc time to walk there/back from the car, out of sight.

Now the first time I saw it, I was absolutely shocked and actually looked in the windows of the car to make sure there was an adult or someone else in the car with the baby, which there wasn’t. I actually hovered around and kept an eye on the baby until mum had returned with her 2 other older children just to make sure no one took baby or nothing bad happened. I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about it but decided just to leave it; that the mum was probably having a bad day and made a bad decision. Since that first time, I have seen her do exactly the same thing probably 6-8 times. FYI baby is left in their car seat in the front passenger side.

I really really don’t know what to do! I definitely do not want to speak to the mum about it; I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I have considered telling the nursery but the mum will know it’s me as we’re really the only ones who use that car park at the same time for pick up each day (but does this take priority over us potentially being awkward from now on if she does suspect me?). On the first day I saw this happen, I was genuinely considering calling the police but I wouldn’t do that now as think it’s a little dramatic and harsh? I don’t know - AIBU? Is this actually an okay thing to do? She seems so blasé about it - I even saw her sitting on the steps at the front of the nursery the other day with her 2 other children doing something with their bags for quite some time - all whilst her little baby was left completely alone in the car. Please help, I genuinely fear for this child😣 Only one bad person needs to walk past at the wrong thing and lord knows what could happen.

OP posts:
radishpatch · 30/06/2024 01:28

I used to leave DD 2 in the car while I picked up DD1 all the time. The difference being I could see her/the car the whole time, and she was in a locked car usually asleep. Never crying. If she was awake or she was crying I would carry her while collecting DD1. Or if it was hot weather.

I wouldn't leave her with the windows down while I was out of sight. The mind boggles how someone feels comfortable to do that. The only place I could thinks I would do that is on a relatives farm where we are the only people there - I might leave her in the car if she was asleep for a few mins to drop something off at the main house.

Coldsocold25 · 30/06/2024 01:34

It is never OK to leave your baby in the car unattended!
It might be inconvenient to get it out and take it with you but I couldn't live with myself if something happened whilst I wasn't there.

Fudgetheparrot · 30/06/2024 03:20

AmelieTaylor · 30/06/2024 00:33

@MissingKitty

when did it happen in the uk?

@Anonymousmummmy I couldn't do it myself, but given what you've said about the place I'd think there is far more risk involved in taking the baby with her.

There was a baby taken out of its pram in a shopping centre fairly recently. Of course it’s not common but to act like babies are never stolen is mad

PoopingAllTheWay · 30/06/2024 03:25

TotHappy · 29/06/2024 23:15

I would do it - albeit not with the windows all the way down, but if they were asleep, yeah - why would someone steal a baby?

Are you being serious? Why would someone steal a baby? Do you need actual reasons for this question?

Nottherealslimshady · 30/06/2024 03:34

People steal babies. But more often babies vomit or put something in their mouth, a toy, a bottle lid/crisp packet from their siblings snacks you didn't know was in reach and chokes. Babies aren't safe to be left alone.

Pretty sure it's illegal to leave children unattended in a car.

Monty27 · 30/06/2024 03:36

If you speak to the nursery they might take it on board to make access for child collections at the gate in order that mums don't have to lug babies in and out of the car
It's not unusual to have younger siblings in a car outside. Perhaps they could facilitate it.
The poor woman is probably stressed to the hilt. Obviously. Not an excuse I know but have a heart. None of us are perfect.

PoopingAllTheWay · 30/06/2024 03:53

Did you also say that the car seat is in the front?

tolerable · 30/06/2024 04:52

no

ageratum1 · 30/06/2024 05:16

I think it is ok. It seems like there is only you and the other woman ever in the car park at this time.
A quick google shows that babies in cars are really only abducted if a car is stolen without the thief realising there is a child inside ( car theft and child abduction are 2 very different levels and types of crime)I f the baby is sitting in the front seat, they are going to see it .
statistically the baby is probably at less risk strapped in the car , than from moving traffic in the carpark.

Poolstream · 30/06/2024 05:16

40 years ago a friend’s ndn left their baby asleep in the car on their driveway. The car caught fire and they couldn’t get the baby out to save her.
Cars are probably more reliable now but when I had dc I never left them in a car as the thought of that baby would stop me.

3luckystars · 30/06/2024 05:21

I would stand beside the car until she came back. That is not on.

Needanewname42 · 30/06/2024 05:50

Let's stop and think the logistics of one parent collecting 2 children. Changing shoes etc while carrying a baby. She probably doesn't like leaving the baby but struggles to hold the baby and help the other two. The baby might also be on the move (crawling/bum shuffling) so needs an eye kept on them too.

Maybe you could offer to help.

Ifyouinsistthen · 30/06/2024 06:02

I personally wouldn’t but can understand why she might if she is wrangling 3 kids. I would report to the nursery and give them a chance to speak to her/come up with a better option that minimizes risk to the baby. I wouldn’t call the police as a first resort.

sashh · 30/06/2024 06:02

I'd approach mum and offer to stay with her baby / car while she fetches her other children.

You don't need to say anything that is judgemental, maybe say there was a wasp or something similar.

Doingmybest12 · 30/06/2024 06:12

It's not ok, I'd have spoken to her or spoken to the nursery after I saw this more than once. The chances of something happening are remote but there are risks. I'm not sure why you feel better calling the police than talking to the nursery staff initially.

Mumoftwo1316 · 30/06/2024 06:16

Definitely report to the nursery. The nursery should support the family, they can send a staff member out to do pickup and drop off in the car park.

Recently I had to drop off dd while baby ds still had chickenpox. Called nursery to warn them and they collected dd off me in the street so I could keep ds distanced. It's that simple, no need to leave the baby in the car.

I consider myself pretty relaxed and I do leave baby ds in the car on our drive for a minute while I take the shopping and bags into the front door. But he's in my eyeline and within earshot. Ten minutes in a publicly accessible carpark is not ok.

Particularly as she does this routinely. Someone can monitor her routine and plan a crime.

Starlightstarbright3 · 30/06/2024 06:19

Another report to nursery .

it is a safeguarding risk ..

safeguarding builds up a picture of things / there may be other concerns already ( or not ) but you won’t know .

Zanatdy · 30/06/2024 06:24

Report to the nursery. So what if she knows it’s you, better than something happening to the poor baby. It’s a ridiculous thing to do

Mumoftwo1316 · 30/06/2024 06:27

I'm also a bit bemused why you're frightened she'll know it's you? What are you afraid will happen?

Maybe I'm just a grumpy misanthrope but I don't have many nursery mum friends anyway. I wouldn't mind if one didn't like me. It's not like you want to do playdates with such a safety-blind family!

ElmTree22 · 30/06/2024 06:29

BetsyBobbin · 29/06/2024 23:46

Not even 101, I'd call 999 straight away.

Once is bad enough, repeatedly is just neglect

Hardly an emergency.

Anonymousmummmy · 30/06/2024 06:37

It’s because we see each other most days and I don’t want her to feel judged or upset that I’ve ‘reported’ her. That’s why I haven’t said anything to anyone to far. I also don’t want a horrible tension or awkwardness in our lives on a near daily basis as we cross paths a lot, but I think after reading all the comments it just needs to be done.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 30/06/2024 06:43

I used to leave dd2 in the car all the time while collecting dd1. Also left them while paying for petrol etc. I wouldn’t leave the windows down though unless it was really hot. Baby is perfectly safe in a locked car.

CurlewKate · 30/06/2024 06:43

@MissingKitty
"TotHappy
I would do it - albeit not with the windows all the way down, but if they were asleep, yeah - why would someone steal a baby?

Yeah because that’s literally never happened before right? 🙄"

Could you give details of cases where a baby has been stolen from a car while its mother is collecting children from school?

Anonymousmummmy · 30/06/2024 06:47

@Needanewname42 I’m not in a position to help her unfortunately; I have my own 1 year old to collect, and have to rush back to work after pick up as my working day doesn’t end for another 30 mins. She could use a baby wrap, baby carrier, carry the car seat in, or use a pram - if she can’t just carry baby in. Also, there are no shoes to change etc - nursery gets your child ready to leave so all you have to do is the handover. Ps I would estimate her children are around 3 and 4 - not little children that need carrying or anything like my LO.

OP posts:
Allie47 · 30/06/2024 06:50

CurlewKate · 30/06/2024 06:43

@MissingKitty
"TotHappy
I would do it - albeit not with the windows all the way down, but if they were asleep, yeah - why would someone steal a baby?

Yeah because that’s literally never happened before right? 🙄"

Could you give details of cases where a baby has been stolen from a car while its mother is collecting children from school?

There were a few cases in the 90s of babies being taken from hospitals which is why maternity wards tend to be locked now.

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