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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it okay to leave a baby in the car?

78 replies

Anonymousmummmy · 29/06/2024 23:06

My son recently started a new nursery, and about 2/3 weeks ago I noticed at pick up time that there was a baby left alone in a car (I would estimate around 3-5 months old), with the windows all the way down… ie I could have climbed though a window and taken that baby in probably under 30 seconds.

The nursery has a garden at the back, and then at the end of the garden there’s a gate which leads to the small car park with no cameras and completely open to the public - which you enter/exit via a small ‘through’ road with a few houses on the opposite side, but mainly just garages and parking behind each building so the odd person/car but not crazy busy. Anyway, you have to leave your car, go through the garden gate (where you already can no longer see your car anymore), walk through the garden, up the side of the building through a kind of alleyway, and then enter the nursery. This nursery does a full handover with a notebook which takes around 5-10 minutes each time. So this baby is left around 10 mins alone inc time to walk there/back from the car, out of sight.

Now the first time I saw it, I was absolutely shocked and actually looked in the windows of the car to make sure there was an adult or someone else in the car with the baby, which there wasn’t. I actually hovered around and kept an eye on the baby until mum had returned with her 2 other older children just to make sure no one took baby or nothing bad happened. I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about it but decided just to leave it; that the mum was probably having a bad day and made a bad decision. Since that first time, I have seen her do exactly the same thing probably 6-8 times. FYI baby is left in their car seat in the front passenger side.

I really really don’t know what to do! I definitely do not want to speak to the mum about it; I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I have considered telling the nursery but the mum will know it’s me as we’re really the only ones who use that car park at the same time for pick up each day (but does this take priority over us potentially being awkward from now on if she does suspect me?). On the first day I saw this happen, I was genuinely considering calling the police but I wouldn’t do that now as think it’s a little dramatic and harsh? I don’t know - AIBU? Is this actually an okay thing to do? She seems so blasé about it - I even saw her sitting on the steps at the front of the nursery the other day with her 2 other children doing something with their bags for quite some time - all whilst her little baby was left completely alone in the car. Please help, I genuinely fear for this child😣 Only one bad person needs to walk past at the wrong thing and lord knows what could happen.

OP posts:
KnittedCardi · 30/06/2024 13:00

Not so long ago babies were left outside alone in front of shops and cafes. It's still the norm in Northern Europe. Rationally it's no more risky now than it was 30 years ago. So why are we so risk averse now? It's no more dangerous now than then, perhaps even less so. Its not illegal to leave a baby or child in a car or in a pram unattended, unless they are in danger. It's a very open assessment. Looking up recent cases you would be prosecuted in the US, given a caution in the UK, and it would be entirely normal in the Nordics.

AquaFurball · 30/06/2024 13:08

Nottherealslimshady · 30/06/2024 03:34

People steal babies. But more often babies vomit or put something in their mouth, a toy, a bottle lid/crisp packet from their siblings snacks you didn't know was in reach and chokes. Babies aren't safe to be left alone.

Pretty sure it's illegal to leave children unattended in a car.

It's not illegal as such but babies, toddlers and young children should never be left alone and parents can be prosecuted for leaving children unattended where they could be at risk.

Lighttodark · 30/06/2024 15:25

Anonymousmummmy · 30/06/2024 06:47

@Needanewname42 I’m not in a position to help her unfortunately; I have my own 1 year old to collect, and have to rush back to work after pick up as my working day doesn’t end for another 30 mins. She could use a baby wrap, baby carrier, carry the car seat in, or use a pram - if she can’t just carry baby in. Also, there are no shoes to change etc - nursery gets your child ready to leave so all you have to do is the handover. Ps I would estimate her children are around 3 and 4 - not little children that need carrying or anything like my LO.

The solution isn’t you helping, those are silly suggestions as this is a regular arrangement. 3 kids is tough but most parents will arrive early, put baby in a pushchair so they can handle other siblings more easily. Yes it’s more work but that’s parenting.

you just need to report to nursery or 101. Yes you might feel awkward but you’d feel way worse if something happened that was preventable had you intervened.

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