To find I’m still left with nothing each month despite it looking good written down.

[Itgetsharder]

I’m newly separated…about 9months on my own now. I have my dc 50:50. I’m proud of what I have achieve on my own and the separation process isn’t even really started yet legally do I know there’s a long road ahead. I am hating that I’m left with little to nothing at the end of the month and sometimes dipping into savings (when I used to save 500-1k per month)
my figures are as follows:
My basic salary (with no overtime!) Is 2600
Child benefit (in Ireland) -280

So that’s a minimum of 2860 or thereabouts

My only solid must pay outgoings per month are
Rent 1400
Storage 80 (I’m working on getting rid of this!)
Life insurance 84
Internet and phone 52
Netflix 15
Bins 23
Electricity 120

I have a car but I own outright it and tax and insurance are paid annually. (Used savings)

So that’s a Total of 1874
So that’s a Leftover 986 which seems like a lot but that’s to cover food, petrol and everything else (clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc)

Rationally I know I’m doing ok, I get that, I’m just worried that I’ll never be able to save again and buy my own place. I’m trying to relax about it but I’m finding I’m stressing.

I have changed roles in work which will allow me to wfh a few days a week which will reduce my petrol consumption.

Im aware I’m lucky in lots of ways, I suppose I’m just venting. I just find I’m flirting between being strong about it in the now and worrying about how it will all play out. Anyone else?

Are you entitled to any state help at all? Have you looked? Family income supplement? HAP? Have you applied for social housing?

@Apileofballyhoo no entitled to much at all really as the children are 50:50, I am in the middle of applying for HAP but I’m not too hopefull, but it would be amazing if I did get something. Although I do worry if it would effect any future mortgage applications (should I ever get to that stage) council housing would be hard because I’m rural and need to be close to the dc’s school. The fact that I found a house to rent in this area is actually a miracle!

When the separation becomes final (will it be a divorce?) what will the situation be regarding any previous assets? Did you own a house together which you would get a share of? Anything like a business? Also, if your ex is having the DC half the time, that doesn’t just mean feeding them and having space for them, it should mean a reasonable share of things like activities, childcare, school expenses etc.

I take it you don’t need to play Council tax? It’s not in your list.

start small and every hit saved from a change goes into savings -

1. swap phone to £15 a month and put £37 into a savings standing order
2. swap Netflix to basic plan and out £10 into the saver
3. get rid of storage brutally - £80 into the saver
4. reduce food bill by £10 a week - £40 into the saver

just examples ..

@Clarinet1 yes there’s a house that we own together that I’m hoping he will buy me out of. Yes he has them half of the time and feeds them and buys them what they need when he has them, he’s very good that way. School expenses are very minimal thank god. Childcare (afterschool care) is 54 per week which he pays (he has no mortgage)

Fair enough - that sounds as though things may get better in the foreseeable future.

@nightmaries no, no council tax in Ireland

my phone and internet are in one deal together so the 52 is quite good I think as it’s fibre Broadband and unlimited Everything on my phone. If I change one I’ll have to change the other I think.

the Netflix was basic but I have two tvs and my dc like to watch different things! BELIEVE me I would change it if I could but I like to keep the peace as much as possible when I have them.

the storage I am working on slowly yes! Need to sell and get rid of stuff and then I can store the rest in my shed! That’s a big one! And it will be amazing when it’s done!🙌

food bill I could be better with, I can try that yes!!

@Catmummyof2 i would feel highly cheeky asking him to do that, I’m the one that left. And I know theoretically I could but I feel it would just not go down well AT ALL.

Presumably if you used to save 500 to 1000 pounds a month you have substantial savings. Sounds like this is the rainy day you’ve been saving for so use it.

Putting it that way is easier i suppose yes 😅

yes, and I tell myself that on a near daily basis! I do have a good bit there, which is very comforting, I am aware though that I am renting and j will need to save and keep savings to buy eventually. But yes you are dead right!!

You do need to look into what help you can get from the DWP/The Government. It's the same for millions of other people sadly. Not a lot you can do except try to increase your income or reduce your outgoings. Obvious I know. But there's not much else you can do.

Earn more.

Spend less..

Apply for financial help...

@FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot unfortunately I’m not entitled to anything really as I earn too much and I have split 50:50 custody. If I had the dc more then i would be entitled to one or two payments.

Just be aware I don't think you can go on the council list if you own a property and you need to be on the list to get hap

But of course you're not going to be able to save 1000 a month when it's just you!

You are going to have to manage your expectations of what is doable and realistic.

A couple who both work and sharing a house and expenses will be able to save more than a single person in the same house with the same bills. Obviously?

Sounds like you are managing well and looking after yourself and your DCs. You should be proud rather than being disappointed.

Yes, he has them half of the time and feeds them and buys them what they need when he has them, he’s very good that way. this isn't him being very good, this is him fulfilling his obligation.
Hopefully it'll be sorted for you once the house is sold. Try if you can to use the equity to get back on the property ladder, and remember that this is a temporary hardship. As the children get older it'll be easier to work more hours and earn more.

@romdowa i was thinking that myself but I was told by them over the phone that as we are in the process of a separation it is ok, I will need a letter from a solicitor to back that up though. That is in process (just since yesterday) , I’m just waiting to hear back from a solicitor.

@THisbackwithavengeance @Longdueachange thank you both 🥹

There is one of these threads every day at the moment. OP says they earn well but feel poor, then go on to list the dozens of things they spend their money on, or (like in this case) that they 'only' have £1000 left after bills. Netflix, haircuts, car payments, days out, pet insurance, debts, eating out, subscriptions - yes they all cost money, so if you spend your money on those things you'll not have as much left. What people don't seem to consider is that modern life comes with loads more 'trappings' than it used to and they do of course cost money. Standards of living are generally far higher than they used to be, ergo more expensive. If people want to live the 1970s life style of no mobile, Internet, crappy old car, modest days out/ holidays/birthdays it would be much cheaper. Yes, I get that the norm is having much more these days, but surely it stands to reason that it is also much more expensive. A lot of people seem baffled that having lots of luxuries means spending most of your money on them.

Note, this is not about people in the breadline struggling to feed their families. It's about people who seem to expect to be able to afford many of life's extras' without considering that when there are so many available, it's not possible, even on a goodish wage, to have as many as you might want.

The concept of feeling hard up had really changed in the last couple of decades

Is he paying half the childcare? Get the house sold ASAP and buy something else as you can't get HAP the way you are. You will need your savings and equity from the house as a deposit for a new place and it's easy to let savings dwindle.

Look closely at the food shopping, it's very likely your buying all the same things you used to when you had more money and there are savings to be made.

Well done on finding somewhere to rent in this crisis!

@Knickerbockergrolia i know it seems like a lot leftover and it is…but most of that goes on food and petrol and kids clubs etc so it all necessitates. My only luxury is the Netflix really and even the mats not a luxury, that’s our only way of watching tv. Broadband in need to do that and wfh. I don’t smoke, drink or go to the gym ( I walk for exercise or do free workouts off of YouTube) it’s just life I know that. I hear what you are saying.

@Apileofballyhoo he pays the childcare €54 per week. We agreed to that at the beginning. It’s not a lot but he has no mortgage so it made sense and it’s not for much longer. Youngest is in 3rd class.

I think until the divorce is finalised and the house is sold you’ll just have to accept that this is your financial situation. Count your lucky stars that you CAN afford to move out and live on your own and support your children 50:50. Many women can’t afford to leave their partners.