To find I’m still left with nothing each month despite it looking good written down.

[Itgetsharder]

I’m newly separated…about 9months on my own now. I have my dc 50:50. I’m proud of what I have achieve on my own and the separation process isn’t even really started yet legally do I know there’s a long road ahead. I am hating that I’m left with little to nothing at the end of the month and sometimes dipping into savings (when I used to save 500-1k per month)
my figures are as follows:
My basic salary (with no overtime!) Is 2600
Child benefit (in Ireland) -280

So that’s a minimum of 2860 or thereabouts

My only solid must pay outgoings per month are
Rent 1400
Storage 80 (I’m working on getting rid of this!)
Life insurance 84
Internet and phone 52
Netflix 15
Bins 23
Electricity 120

I have a car but I own outright it and tax and insurance are paid annually. (Used savings)

So that’s a Total of 1874
So that’s a Leftover 986 which seems like a lot but that’s to cover food, petrol and everything else (clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc)

Rationally I know I’m doing ok, I get that, I’m just worried that I’ll never be able to save again and buy my own place. I’m trying to relax about it but I’m finding I’m stressing.

I have changed roles in work which will allow me to wfh a few days a week which will reduce my petrol consumption.

Im aware I’m lucky in lots of ways, I suppose I’m just venting. I just find I’m flirting between being strong about it in the now and worrying about how it will all play out. Anyone else?

@Coconutter24 yes hopefully one way or another I will get half of the house worth as such. We haven’t truly broached that yet. But obviously we will have to.

I would start the ball rolling on it tbh and bring it up. I doubt your ex will, he’s comfortably living mortgage free

Is DH only financial contribution the €54 pw ? Did I miss something, he's still living in the family home no mortgage to pay and you are forking out full amount for rent. He's not stupid,surely he knows that, morally at least, he needs to pay towards their home, until you have your share of sale.

You must live in an expensive area! You could get a similar house in my area of England for less than £900pcm (nice suburban/village area). Lucky NI for not having to pay council tax! Hopefully you can get yours and ex's house sold soon so you can find somewhere else. I'd get the ball started today because your ex won't start the proceedings as he's living a cushy lifestyle at the moment.

@Billybobbbi mostly yes, he pays some of the dc’s clubs too. If I pay for anything crazy expensive I ask him for half, which he will pay. I pay the dc’s health and dental insurance through work so there’s no need to ask him for half of that. But if I didn’t have that to claim through I certainly would.

I’m in the rep of Ireland where housing is in shortage and prices are generally higher unfortunately. 1400 is good. I know someone paying 1500 for a two bed apartment. It’s pretty average to be fair. And we are nowhere near Dublin! It’s ridiculous really.

I get it, OP.
I live in 2-bed in southern England at a similar rate due to rental prices.
Is there any chance your ex will take over the insurance payment as it's for you both?
Definitely look at food and miscellaneous costs to see if you can make any savings there.

@DamnUserName21 i could ask…I just feel like it would be another thing for me to sort though. It made sense to keep it and he would pay childcare to be honest. I just feel as I’m the one that left the marriage that I’m trying to be as reasonable/fair as possible, probably being unfair to myself to be fair.

I suggest you tackle this head on by writing down EVERTHING you are buying/spending for a week.

I suspect its many many little things that you're not really needing.

If you want to change and start saving you need to make some changes - but first identify where you are spending unnecessarily.

@BMW6 yeah I probably have some unnecessary spending to be fair. I can take a look at that most definitely.

My situation as a single (62) woman, with moderate life affecting Parkinson’s, can’t work, bit more money via help, and some private monies. £1,000, no rent or housing costs, don’t drive.
Always save, save the change too.
My food bill is high, roughly 250 month, cat and I.
Budget carefully , consider myself well off, bills too high , tho careful with energy.
if kids can’t afford activities then can’t have them.
Accept that are far better off than lots as I do

@Nsky62

i don’t consider myself poor in any way. I couldn’t take my dcs activities away, I just couldn’t. My dd isn’t hugely academic, her music lesson and sports are her life. I want her to have those! My ds literally only plays football at the local club for 5 per week. That’s not a lot to ask. I’m not making excuses, these things are important to me. It’s just disheartening when I’m not a crazy spender as such. I bought new trainers for myself last month and that was a great treat with a discount at €54. That’ll be it now for a while.

So that’s a Total of 1874
So that’s a Leftover 986 which seems like a lot but that’s to cover food, petrol and everything else (clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc)

take the priorities first (monthly)
Food £350 - £400 (guessing, I don't know the CoL in Ireland)
Petrol £150 (not sure how much mileage, so it could be more or less)

Worst case scenario it leaves you approx £450 a month

clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc can swallow up huge amounts, because it's a bit of a blank chequebook.

Clothing, upcycling websites, charity shops for good condition kids clothing (school uniforms through any school uniform exchange schemes going on?)

Birthdays - set a budget and stick to it, at least during this current phase until you have clarity on your divorce settlement.

haircuts - limit to basic haircuts for DC and you, in the short term. Local colleges have good offers for student apprentices doing hairdressing and beauty courses.

Days out - these can be eyewateringly expensive if they are theme parks. Can you use Tesco Clubcard vouchers etc and limit to 1 over the summer holidays, as it can swallow up your entire monthly budget if you aren't careful.

Edited to add, as a child I never had any days out, and I never missed them. Kids get accustomed to having entertainment laid on and it can limit opportunities for the normal periods of boredom that increase imagination and creativity. Can you give them any garden space to "own" and do some growing over the summer, which is better than any theme park imo. Dbro and I did a pumpkin growing competition one year (I won of course 😆)

@daisychain01 thank you. ☺️
take the priorities first (monthly)
Food £350 - £400 (guessing, I don't know the CoL in Ireland)
Petrol £150 (not sure how much mileage, so it could be more or less) - I guess these are probably about right. Petrol probably a bit more to be honest. I suppose my struggle with food is that I have the dc alternate weekends so it’s not a “set” amount per week. I eat my dinner in work the weekdays I don’t have them as it is cheaper (subsidised canteen) and then I have to buy quite a bit when I do have them. I’m still trying to get used to that set up.

Worst case scenario it leaves you approx £450 a month

clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etccan swallow up huge amounts, because it's a bit of a blank chequebook. - yes these are quite expensive over here. I get my hair cut literally once a year at 50ish for a wash cut and blowdry! It’s nuts!

Clothing, upcycling websites, charity shops for good condition kids clothing (school uniforms through any school uniform exchange schemes going on?) - the school did this exact thing for the first time this year but during the school hours and I couldn’t get in. I did manage to nip in on the last day of school though and grab Trousers and jumper for ds,which is great! Although he wears my dd’s old jumpers and PE Uniform so I only buy a few new pieces- even at that uniform for their school is non crested and very basic and can be bought cheaply enough.

Birthdays - set a budget and stick to it, at least during this current phase until you have clarity on your divorce settlement.- this is probably where I struggle as I dont buy my dc toys throughout the year at all so I like to get them a good bit for birthdays.

haircuts- I do cut my dds hair myself lately yes, just a trim and it keeps it healthy as she likes it long. My DS needs his cut, it grows fast but to be fair his dad has taken him to do that a lot. So when I say haircuts it’s really a minimal cost realistically. 😬

Days out - these can be eyewateringly expensive if they are theme parks. Can you use Tesco Clubcard vouchers etc and limit to 1 over the summer holidays, as it can swallow up your entire monthly budget if you aren't careful. - I don’t shop at Tesco very often (definitely not a full shop) I can’t afford that. I shop at Lidl or Aldi.

Edited to add, as a child I never had any days out, and I never missed them. Kids get accustomed to having entertainment laid on and it can limit opportunities for the normal periods of boredom that increase imagination and creativity. Can you give them any garden space to "own" and do some growing over the summer, which is better than any theme park imo. Dbro and I did a pumpkin growing competition one year (I won of course 😆)- my kids would literally fall over if I told them to grow pumpkins 😂😂 but to be honest they are easily entertained in that all I need to do is arrange play dates or visit cousins and they will play out all day.

The problem appears to be that you're paying 1400 euro pm rent while your exH is living in a mortgage free house. If your housing costs were more even, it would be a lot easier for you. Will this be evened up at all if/when you divorce? Is the property a marital asset? If you had your half of the equity, would you be able to use this as a deposit to buy a home to live in for you and DC?

Also, your salary sounds quite low? From what I've heard wages in Ireland are higher than the UK and here NMW is about £1700 pm, which is probably over 2000 Euro, and you're not earning a huge amount above that unless your overtime is reliable. Is there any chance of a pay rise, promotion or change to a higher paid job?

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but does your stbx earn more than you? If so, you need to lose the guilt about leaving him and start the process of divorcing him. I would tell him that you are going to stop paying the life insurance as you can’t afford it. If he died while you are still married you would inherit the house anyway!

@Bjorkdidit i earn approx €42k, this will increase each year yes. There is definitely scope for promotion, but I need a bit more experience for that. So another year or so.

@Toastcrumbsinsofa yed he does earn more about 25k more

@Bjorkdidit sorry I never answered your first question, yes I’m hoping things will be evened out on divorce. The. I should have enough to buy my own place. 🤞

Surely your daughter’s activities are not mega expensive.
Get divorced and cheaper housing

@Nsky62 no they are not crazy
1 has an annual membership of 120. Another is 10 per session and the other is termly which is around 60-80 depending on the term.

I also forgot I had kindle unlimited 😬 so I have cancelled that so that’s €11 more for saving per month! 🙌

Is your ex paying for half of your child's activities? Also, he is living rent free in half of your house?

Your life cover is very expensive!

@Apileofballyhoo essentially he is yes…I never really saw it that way I suppose