To think it is insane I have no financial security?

[Mnoccju]

I earn 4,100 after tax and including child benefit.

Monthly costs:

my mortgage on a two bed is 1,100. Nursery is 1,700. Travel costs 300. utilities, 400. Food 250. Car finance 200. Tax and insurance 80.

I can’t afford new clothes or shoes, the cinema, a night out, a meal etc etc. I can just about afford to treat dd from time to time with a small toy.

what is the fucking point? My job is horrendously stressful and I have absolutely nothing to show for what I am doing. Are there other countries where life isn’t like this?

It’s terrible that wages are bad and housing costs are too high. The quality of life is so rubbish

Absolutely this. I'm so sick of these men who absolve themselves of all responsibility for their own children.

My daughter has the same problem as a renter,absolutely no chance of saving for a deposit. We are considering downsizing to free up money for a deposit for her . But we have 2 other children and want to treat all kids fairly…it really is tricky!

The problem is that the dads only pay a minimal amount..it doesn’t make any difference to the standard of living.

@ooooohnoooooo Salary Sacrifice is NOT a childcare scheme and it's also not new.

You pay from your gross wages into your pension so it brings your taxable income threshold down. You need to be below 100k adjusted net/taxable income to be eligible for the Tax-free childcare scheme and also for the funded childcare hours.

Salary sacrifice has been around for years.

@Mnoccju are there any cheaper childcare options near you? Maybe a childminder instead of a nursery?

Probably people will flame me for suggesting such a thing but as you seem to dislike your job, and the childcare fees and travel costs (I'm guessing these are work related?) are horrendous, can you not stop working for awhile, take a career break and claim UC til your little one starts school, then reconsider?
As a single parent especially I'm pretty sure that would actually make you better off!
There is such a stigma about claiming benefits, but it's not like you're going to be sitting on your bum doing nothing for years on end.It would be a short term solution to a temporary problem.
IMO you would be a very worthy claimant.

Crikey, the race to the bottom posts on this thread are insane. We really do hate people that live well in this country don't we. OP says she has a tiny amount left for her DC and her to live on after payday and she's told to be grateful. Spends £60 a week on food and is told that's far too much. Yes some people have less but that doesn't make everyone's else's worries and concerns invalid.

Thanks for the replies. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself as it’s another weekend struggling and I’m looking like shit as no money for new clothes or a hairdresser! It takes its toll.

You are in the thick of it right now. Nursery costs are crippling!! But when your kid(s) are out of nursery it will be a huge financial relief. It’s not forever. Just hold on to that and get through the months.

My advice would be to get your hair done even if it lands you in your overdraft for a couple of months. A new haircut can make the world of difference to how you feel. That’s just my opinion though and I wouldn’t try to persuade you if you aren’t comfortable with that.

It’s really hard, op, and I can’t see any obvious savings from your post. But the extra £280 will make a big difference- if you can cover the basics then that £280 is fun money/emergency fund, which I think will make everything feel much easier.

Do check that you are getting the single person discount on your council tax.

I would give up on the idea of building substantial savings or paying extra mortgage until your dc is out of nursery. It’s really normal not to be able to save at this point in life so don’t let that be an extra stress.

It's really tough OP but it will get better. The CMS will help a bit and funded hours will come in at some point to help as well.

Does your local area have a free page where people give away their old stuff? I'm just thinking you might get some bits for your child there. People are just glad to get rid of stuff.

Hey we all get like that …you’re really not on your own.
check out Vinted…sell some bits and buy some bits. For you and little one. No need to pay full price for anything. You will be surprised at what you can find that is brand new and cheap cheap cheap.

Be kind to yourself OP.
Do something nice today, doesn't need to involve cash but getting some sunshine, doing something you enjoy (read in the park, nice walk, pampering at home with a mini facial, hairwash, little coffee in a nearby cafe with a friend etc).

You're doing an amazing job. It's really hard but by working and getting your little one off into nursery, you're setting yourself up for financial success when they're in school..
as well as helping your little one to also develop, learn from other children and socialise in a positive environment.

There have been a few suggestions on here about maybe reducing your mortgage payments or asking them to pause payments for a few months. Might give you a little breathing space while you wait for cms payments etc. I recall taking a payment break for 3 months once when ds was small, which definitely helped when I was struggling mentally and dealing with lots of debts related to his "father".

You have a mortgage though. So at the end you’ll own a house so you will have something to show for working. We rent and will never be able to afford a house we pay £1400 a month rent! That’s nothing to show for it at the end!

To answer your question, op, yes, there are other countries where life isn't like that. Read up on child care costs and subsidies in different EU countries.
A quick Google found me this from 2022.

Edit to say the photo is very blurry. Here's a link to the oecd pdf I got it from. Long story short, in many countries childcare for a single mum is a tiny fraction of income. https://www.oecd.org/els/soc/benefits-and-wages/Net%20childcare%20costs%20in%20EU%20countries%20in%202022.pdf

Oh op I remember that feeling so well. You are caught in between kindergarten, mortgage costs and everything going up all the time.

It will get easier eventually.

Agree childminder or live in au pair would probably be cheaper. You are doing well OP. You have a well paid job and a mortgage on your own place. Be proud of what you have achieved. Keep going.

This is WRONG.

That article refers to using salary sacrifice to reduce your tax liability on other items not including childcare, but also lowers your adjusted income to below certain thresholds for things like the free childcare hours and child benefit.

The tax free childcare is for every £80 you put in the gov put £20 in (which in reality is a 25% uplift, but most referred to as 20% as they pay 20% in every pound).

Just a caveat with salary sacrifice- get advice before you commit and thoroughly check your t&c’s

my job (nhs) it was effectively renegotiating your salary. So I would have had a new contract at salary-childcare vouchers.

the knock on effect was lower pension payments, sick leave, mat leave, death benefits, plus loss of negotiating power should I get a new job as I would be starting from the contracted salary, not my “real” salary.

it wasn’t worth it for me. So as I said I asked the bank for interest only- I set up an offset mortgage so any savings I did manage reduced the interest on the capital long term. So I paid the interest, had savings for emergencies, and those savings were the same as repaying the capital long term.

Life in au pair would be loads cheaper and probably solve a lot of your problems

I too have a stressful job but I only earn half your salary, therefore can't get a mortgage for more than £120k. You're doing really well! In 4 years it will all feel worth it

It's the nursery fees OP. I cannot get my head around how this country gets it so wrong. Childcare is heavily subsidised in so many European countries and it is outstanding in quality. They value child development etc. In this country, the higher ups do not give a shit and it doesn't improve even when they go to school. There is no thought, no care, just how can we do this as cheaply as possible?