To think it is insane I have no financial security?

[Mnoccju]

I earn 4,100 after tax and including child benefit.

Monthly costs:

my mortgage on a two bed is 1,100. Nursery is 1,700. Travel costs 300. utilities, 400. Food 250. Car finance 200. Tax and insurance 80.

I can’t afford new clothes or shoes, the cinema, a night out, a meal etc etc. I can just about afford to treat dd from time to time with a small toy.

what is the fucking point? My job is horrendously stressful and I have absolutely nothing to show for what I am doing. Are there other countries where life isn’t like this?

@Sunnydiary its 140 council tax, 150 gas and electric, 50 water, 30 broadband, 30 phone.

Does your ex have DC at alll?

Are you using the tax free childcare to pay your nursery fees?

Stating the obvious but you’re doing tax free child care right? It’s only 20% but makes a big difference!

Anyway, I can empathise. I have two in nursery seems almost pointless working.

I also wanted to ask whether you’re using tax free childcare to pay for nursery.

It is shit, it is particularly difficult if you’re single and working full time without partner/family to do some childcare. The glimmer of hope is that it won’t be this expensive forever.

£250 on food!! Food just for you?
Do you eat take-aways, shop for everything at Waitrose? Buy organic at inflated prices? Do you buy masses of cleaning products?
Maybe look at that and see if you can do better. Surely a 10month old doesn’t eat too much.
Can you cook? Can you cook from scratch?

Seems like a massive amount to me but I’m an Aldi fan so maybe out of touch.

£8 a day is very easy to reach for 2, especially with a child who eats a lot of fruit.

You are doing really well to be able to make ends meet - you need to recognise that being able to manage on your own at all is a huge achievement!!

Your dd will be happy with very few toys and clothes from charity shops and trips to the library and the park - she will have no clue about the value of things for many many years.

the interest only mortgage is a great idea to see you through until the free hours kick in. I’m not sure when that’ll be but I’m sure others know.

The nursery fees are just absolutely crippling aren’t they

Can you get a lodger op? It may help until you stop paying for childcare.

Agree food is very high

Also gas and electric - is that the DD they've asked for? I now pay on billing as the minimum they want for DD is more than three times my usage! You might find you have a lot of credit there. They really try it on.

It’s so tough these days financially with no partner and especially with kids - as soon as I read your first post it was clear you were paying for all those things by yourself.

Agree a lodger could be really helpful, no tax to pay up to £7.5K per year on the income.

This doesn't exist anymore. It's now tax free childcare where you get a 20% help rather than at the top end at 40%.

I don't think that's high at all
I spend £240pm for myself and that's at Aldi
Think it'll be a cheap week then realise I need toilet rolls, butter, mince, cheese....
I used to be able to spend £40 a week and £60 if it was Sainsburys, now it's still £60 but that's at Aldi

Have you asked for a pay rise?

@ChirpyBee yes it's still available - just a different scheme now.

www.theguardian.com/money/2024/apr/06/salary-sacrifice-how-british-workers-can-take-home-more-by-getting-paid-less

My company has just started it and it's saving some people 40% of their childcare fees.

Assuming you're using tax free childcare to get 20% off, your childcare amounts to over £2000 before the discount. Are you paying £100 a day for 20 days a month (ie full-time?) at nursery?

Can you take the pressure off yourself until you don’t have nursery fees? Go into an interest only mortgage but then overpay once your daughter starts school? Reduce pension contributions for a couple of years and then build back up?

It looks like it’s about getting through the nursery years is the priority. It’s tough when you’re juggling everything but can you look for jobs which can offer more flexibility?

£250 isn't extravagant.

As to your question re other countries. Erm, yes, most countries in Europe childcare is free or priced at an affordable level.
one of my friends actually had to leave the UK for Germany when she found out she was pregnant, as she never could have afforded the childcare, whereas she now pays a few hundred euros.
A lot of northern and Eastern Europe have parental leave for a number of years at full pay so no need for nursery unless you want to.

Our government policy is very openly anti-procreation and anti-women/mums/parents but obviously nobody would say it out loud.

Graph of the most expensive countries in Europe for childcare added for the benefit of the discussion, source here: https://www.euronews.com/next/2023/03/06/childcare-puzzle-which-countries-in-europe-have-the-highest-and-lowest-childcare-costs

Basically absolutely any other country is cheaper than us.

Could you get a live in nanny? Depending where you live it may be significantly cheeper

I feel your pain. I get 1865 after tax. Widowed single parent of 2 kids. Nothing left at all. Can I ask what job you do? I'd love to earn 4k after tax

Just hang on in there. Everyone with children has been through this at some point or other. It’s the reality of having kids. I am sure in your salary that you are fairly used to living quite a different lifestyle nd may still be adjusting.
I didn’t have any money as a single parent with my first child. I, like you had bought a house for us and he was only 1 when we moved in (I had stayed at my mums prior to this until the house and through) so similar circumstances.
I didn’t go out, I didn’t spend excessively on anything as I didn’t have any money, I was absolutely knackered because he didn’t sleep. It was hard work.
but what we did do was enjoy the simple things in life. You don’t need much. Enjoy your Dd growing up, it doesn’t last long for the hardest work to be over. You wanted her so enjoy it and stop worrying about it too much, life is fluid, always changing. Stay strong, focussed and just enjoy it for the moment.

Is it 30 for broadband and 30 for phone? Could they come down a bit?

@ooooohnoooooo how are people getting 40% off childcare fees? This is a workaround we all need to know for sure!!

The tax free childcare scheme is a 20% top up but totally independent of the employer. As far as I know, salary sacrifice for childcare vouchers was stopped around 5/6 years ago. The article doesn’t mention that salary sacrifice is back but if it is I need to know more as our fees are crippling.