AIBU to have told my friend about my concerns over her husband

[Stacy2024]

I don’t want to post specific details online but imo he is touching their young kids inappropriately.

I have talked to others and their reactions range from “this is normal affection between a dad and his kids” to “report them to child services.”

I disagree with either extreme so what I did was just talk to my friend about my concerns. She did not react well and ended the friendship.

I thought she just needed time to process everything and that we could discuss it after some time passed. But it’s been two years now and she has not wanted to talk.

I want my friend back but even more so I want her kids to be safe. I don’t feel like it rises to the level of getting police and child services involved. But his behavior is very concerning to me.

Yes I’m new but it’s a real situation unfortunately.

Yes it happened two years ago and it still weighs on me. Yes I was genuinely concerned and that is why I talked to my friend. No I did not think it was clear enough to report to authorities.

TWO years ago?

Heck, OP, you should have reported anonymously to the school if you were seriously concerned about possible sexual abuse.

I wish my friend had done that- gone to the school rather than tell her relatives about what the little girl had said.

But she told her family, and it blew up really badly.

It seems as if families ''Close ranks'' when allegations are made.

It was unwise to have told your friend, and I'm not surprised she no longer wants to see you.{Closing ranks/not wanting to believe that of her husband}

It's probably too late now to properly report, as so much time has passed.

he isn’t then he needs to be aware of what’s appropriate.
@Slattern77

How in earth is this reasonable? Many families and cultures are more tactile than others. Yes children should be protected but we don't want to return to a time when fathers can't hold, touch their children. Society doesn't get to tell parents what is appropriate between child and parent the law does.

She says herself she saw nothing untoward but she was uncomfortable with the actions. No context, does she hug,rub, touch her potential children? We have no context at all.

@Stacy2024 you were not the good people of whom I spoke

I never mentioned your ‘friend’ questioned your intentions or proffered advice

Surely op even if you had reported anonymously at the time you realise a proper investigation could have been carried out?
You really should have let social services do their job and let them determine through the proper procedures whether he was a risk or not.
At least you would have peace of mind two years down the line regardless of outcome that you did the right thing

It would have been better to do that though, maybe not the police but social services. It would have saved your friendship aswell. When it comes to child protection no one should ever worry that they are wrong. That's not our call to make, if your wrong brilliant no harm done.

Thanks everyone for your input.