AIBU to have told my friend about my concerns over her husband

[Stacy2024]

I don’t want to post specific details online but imo he is touching their young kids inappropriately.

I have talked to others and their reactions range from “this is normal affection between a dad and his kids” to “report them to child services.”

I disagree with either extreme so what I did was just talk to my friend about my concerns. She did not react well and ended the friendship.

I thought she just needed time to process everything and that we could discuss it after some time passed. But it’s been two years now and she has not wanted to talk.

I want my friend back but even more so I want her kids to be safe. I don’t feel like it rises to the level of getting police and child services involved. But his behavior is very concerning to me.

Sorry op but your are creepy.

Well done for looking out for children potentially at risk but telling your friend achieved nothing. You need to report this. Contact NSPCC for advice.

I think if it were me I’d have just gone straight to SS and let them be the judge of whether it’s abusive or not. I don’t think speaking to the mum without a very clear wrongdoing was ever going to work. If you’re still concerned you can still report it.

Yeah, I rub my six-year-old’s back and feet all the time. When I’m lying in bed in the morning, she comes and sits on me and says, “Foot rub, please?” 😂

This guy sounds potentially suspect, but that doesn’t mean “no rubbing of children is ever appropriate.”

My bff told me she had seen a dubious pic on her dh's pc... She let it drop. It played on my mind but she refused to discuss it again. We aren't friends anymore - not connected or maybe it was (?). I reported her dh for abusing their new rescue ddog... Maybe another sign he wasn't a Very Nice Man...she never knew I made the call. I backed away from our friendship actually ghosting her at the end.

You've lost your friend for now but if you're worried about the kids, report it.

My DHs daughters were abused by their step dad and the family said they 'didnt want to think' anything was going on ie they thought it was but did nothing.

It's on you to report it.

YANBU op, I know exactly what you mean, my dad used to do the same to me when I was young, I’ve thought about it so much over the years, the rubbing was wrong but not enough to stand out unless you were looking for it.
I remember him drying me after a bath and having to dry me in all my nooks and crannies.
In my opinion you should have reported 2 years ago and yes some mothers are blind to the sexual abuse of their children.

Are you still trying to get your friend back? Are you contacting her in any way?

Watch it OP as you could be reported for harassment.

You're weirdly obsessed enough to still talk about it and post online about it but not willing to do something about it a few years ago.

That is a very serious and life ruining allegation and you better be bloody sure you're right.

No rubbing of young children is normal. None.

Are you delusional?
I rubbed mines since my first DS was a newborn with upset tummy.
I still do kiss, rub, hug, tickle and cuddle them unless they are old enough to get embarased in public. Obviously I stop, but once at home they will still ask for it or initiate it.

Should I stop my DH from having the same close relationship with them?

I am not choosing man over children,
I am setting them up with an example of fun, loving relationships that includes consentual body touch.

That is a very serious and life ruining allegation and you better be bloody sure you're right

Absolutely right

I am very surprised that you would speak to your friend about it.

I'm even more surprised that you'd expect her to have taken your news well / seriously

If you think he's touching his kids you report to social services

Instead you've left it for 2 years and done nothing apart from try to get your friend back

Surely this thread is a scam/troll?

If you cared about the kids you would have done something useful. You clearly don't. You've had every opportunity.

It was TWO years ago!!!!

Op didn't think it worthy of reporting.....

You’ve accused her partner, to her face, of something truly awful - it’s been 2 years, you’re not getting the friendship back.

You also note that in asking others opinions some say ‘this is normal behaviour’. I’m curious, do you have kids OP?

I'm reporting this thread

This. You have made this whole situation about you, not the children who you suspect are being harmed. The min you chose not to report it to proper authorities, if he IS guilty you are just as guilty. Your post isn't how to help the children. Your post is poor you missing your friend.

at last !

@Stacy2024 If he's doing that with you as a witness, what might he be doing when people aren't there?

''Rubbing'' sounds seriously off.

Heck, who on earth ''Rubs'' a child ? There is no need to ever ''Rub'' one, or touch one in an inappropriate way.

Please report.

Too often families keep this sort of thing ''Quiet'' to stop rocking the boat -
I know of someone years ago whose young relative {4 yrs} told her something that was really alarming, but when the adult told others in the family, they turned against her and said the child was lying - {very middle class family, outwardly respectable}

I would have reported it if I could have!

I am not sure I am right. Otherwise of course I would have reported it.

but I am sure that his behavior concerns me and is inappropriate by my standards and something just seems off in the way he touches them.

So you've potentially accused an innocent man by your own admission and think your friend will talk to you again?!

You did the right thing. You told their mother, it is in her hands now. You have peace of mind now. If the friend does not want to see you, it is up to her, she might have complicated feelings about it.

It is not the end of the world, she is a friend, not your child or parent. You can make other friends.

That is a very serious and life ruining allegation and you better be bloody sure you're right

WTAF?! If people waited to say something until they were “bloody sure they were right” - there’d be child abuse running absolutely rife! Most allegations are made on something suspicious said or done - then it’s up to the authorities to investigate. Or in this case, the mother to step forward and protect her children if she thought it was warranted (and wasn’t purposefully blind to it).

Even in serious abuse cases it’s bloody hard to prove - so if the father’s life is ruined, it would be because he’s guilty and deserves it. If he isn’t then he needs to be aware of what’s appropriate.

OP I’m totally with you and anyone else brave enough to speak up to protect children, whether the danger is proven or not!

This is an odd thread OP. What are you hoping to gain from posting it here? Now?
i don’t know if this is a real event or work of fiction
if it is real, well your ex-friend is probably very angry with you. I don’t know
how you can build bridges with her.
If fiction then this thread will be deleted shortly and you got your money’s worth in replies.

@Stacy2024 I really don’t think you should be posting this sort of provocative bilge
you have a terrible diet.

I also reported this thread.
Go have your French toast.

My mustake I thought she had growing suspicions over the 2 years not that it happened 2 years ago. Serves me right for not reading properly.
Er I don't know what to advise if that's the case.

@Jetstream - Stacy is new today.
why good people respond to blatant nonsense remains a mystery