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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ridiculous Situation

93 replies

GoastToast · 26/06/2024 22:57

I’ll preface this by saying yes, I’m very awkward and yes, this is all of my own making.

I’ve had a boyfriend for 2 years, I’ve never mentioned him at work to colleagues because I always thought he’ll get bored of me at some point and I don’t want to have to go through loads of questions / sympathy when it doesn’t work out (I hate any kind of attention!)

Anyway he proposed at the weekend. The ring needs to be resized so I haven’t got that yet. But… how do I mention to work colleagues that I’m now engaged to someone I’ve never mentioned without looking like a complete weirdo???

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 16:33

My parents didn't tell anyone they were getting married. I believe there were a few noses out of joint at the time but everyone got over it! Congratulations!

litlleseahorse · 30/06/2024 16:33

Cantrushart · 27/06/2024 07:58

People don't care as much as you think they do. They'll be glad they were spared the drama-free stories about your relationship.

THIS. I think you are waaaay overthinking this. Most people will just be like oh wow- congrats! and then it'll be completely gone from their heads. People really dont think about us to the extent we think they do- most people are entirely focused on their own stuff.

If someone at work did this I really wouldnt bat an eyelid, I'd just presume they were a private person. No big deal at all.

Hoppinggreen · 30/06/2024 16:40

How did you get engaged while thinking the whole time he was going to dump you?
Are you happy or just relieved?

nonumbersinthisname · 30/06/2024 16:40

no one at work knew I was seeing my now DH until I turned up wearing an engagement ring. It took ages before anyone clocked it too. Don’t worry about it, plenty of people keep their private lives private, and unless you’ve been actually lying and denying having a boyfriend, most people will respect that.

MystyLuna · 30/06/2024 16:44

No idea what the issue is.
I wouldn't even notice if a work colleague came into work wearing a ring they weren't wearing before.
I have been married 2 years and only started wearing a wedding ring 2 months ago and no one noticed either way.
I work for a company that has 120 employees and I only know the relationship status of the person I work with closely every day.

Moonlitwalk · 30/06/2024 16:50

I hate any kind of attention!

This is probably why you are assuming everyone will be shocked by it.

They really wont. Like a PP I have never once even noticed what rings anyone in our office is wearing. I know one or two of my colleagues are married/cohabiting because they talk about it, absolutely no idea about the others because they dont talk about it and I dont ask. Not to sound rude or anything but I really dont care about other's private lives, it's nothing to do with me. They are my colleagues, not my friends.

IncompleteSenten · 30/06/2024 16:51

You don't need to announce your engagement.
Just get on with your work.
If someone notices your ring and asks about it you can say yes, x proposed.

Ponderingwindow · 30/06/2024 16:58

I have more than one colleague that keeps does not share relationship information.

if people volunteer information that is fine, but until that point it is none of our business.

Genevieva · 30/06/2024 16:59

You wear the ring and say nothing.

Echobelly · 30/06/2024 17:02

I have had colleagues who it's taken me years to find out they have another half. Some people just don't talk about personal stuff at work at all, and that's OK.

Literally one guy it is only when I became his line manager for a bit and therefore saw his next of kin and realised he'd been living with a woman the whole time (who he did start to mention a little, only ever as 'my partner' in the months following).

lacefan · 30/06/2024 17:06

how do I mention to work colleagues that I’m now engaged to someone I’ve never mentioned without looking like a complete weirdo???

Bless you. You dont need to mention it OR announce it- this isnt the big deal you think it is. Wear the ring and I bet half the people in your office wont even notice it.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2024 17:08

Opposite end of the situation, but nobody knew at work I was going through a divorce! I had worked there for years, had children whilst being there and one day a colleague said "How is Bob?" .

"We divorced last year" I said😂she had no idea. Which I was quite chuffed about as it shows I wasn't going into work stressed and upset or ridiculously happy to actually get rid of the eejit

But it is good to keep personal things to yourself if you want to.

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 17:11

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2024 17:08

Opposite end of the situation, but nobody knew at work I was going through a divorce! I had worked there for years, had children whilst being there and one day a colleague said "How is Bob?" .

"We divorced last year" I said😂she had no idea. Which I was quite chuffed about as it shows I wasn't going into work stressed and upset or ridiculously happy to actually get rid of the eejit

But it is good to keep personal things to yourself if you want to.

Same! And my ex worked for the same company (albeit in a different department). No one ever heard me cry in a toilet cubicle obviously!

Fraggeek · 30/06/2024 17:13

We didn't announce our pregnancy during COVID. It was a very high risk pregnancy and the time never felt right. We were so terrified we'd lose him at any stage. Obviously close family knew but I never even announced it at work. We were all redeployed to different wards so I wasn't with my colleagues. So when at 28 weeks I still wasn't showing and I had to stay home, no one was aware.

3 weeks after we had him we popped a post on FB. Most were surprised but happy. Only 2 people were funny. My ex's mum - erm?? And a random person I've not seen on years 🤣
Even now I bump into people who don't know.i had another child. No one really cares that much, I promise

biscuitsnow · 30/06/2024 17:13

I pay absolutely no attention to rings at all as I know loads of people who arent married/are single who wear rings on that finger. Equally, I am married but rarely wear a wedding ring. Therefore, I make no assumptions about marital status based on ring wearing at all.

Moonshine60 · 30/06/2024 17:14

It's your business. Don't care about what others may say or think. You did it your way😊

ScribblingPixie · 30/06/2024 17:19

TonerNeedsReplacing · 26/06/2024 23:02

“so, some news. I’ve been seeing a guy for a bit and we have got engaged!”

if someone says why didn’t you tell us you can just say “I wanted to wait until I knew if it were going anywhere”

This is perfect.

LlynTegid · 30/06/2024 17:21

Nothing wrong for keeping quiet this long at all. Your private life can be private if you wish, it does not affect your job.

@TonerNeedsReplacing has the best response.

user1471538283 · 30/06/2024 17:27

Congratulations!

I share little of my personal life at work. I don't buy into this bring your whole self to work. Likewise whilst I would congratulate someone for being engaged I wouldn't worry about not knowing they had a boyfriend or girlfriend.

loupiots · 30/06/2024 17:34

Honestly, no one will give it a second thought as long as you are casual and off hand about it. People aren't that interested unless they smell blood.

Practise it.

Colleague: 'Is that an engagement ring?!"

You: "Yes! It is. I got engaged at the weekend to my boyfriend Nick. It was lovely."

Colleague: "I didn't even know you were seeing someone/had a boyfriend. You kept that quiet."

You: "Yes, we've been together a couple of years now - (insert some socially emollient platitude like), clearly he thought it was time to make an honest woman of me, ha ha" Smile nicely and move on.

Epicaricacy · 30/06/2024 17:46

If you want to make a big announcement, it's up to you, but you really don't have to.

SammyScrounge · 30/06/2024 18:02

Does your fiance know that he is unmentionable?

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2024 18:05

SammyScrounge · 30/06/2024 18:02

Does your fiance know that he is unmentionable?

Don't you mean "unmentioned"?

Crinkle77 · 30/06/2024 18:11

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to work with people for years and not know anything about them at all? I am very friendly with my colleagues and whilst we don't share everything we chit chat about our family, what we're doing at the weekend etc.... Of course I would never pressure anyone to talk about their private lives and that's fine but why the need for such secrecy that you would never mention anything about your private life at all. Am I in the minority here?

Rainbowsponge · 30/06/2024 18:14

Just tell them what you’ve told us. Don’t complicate it and make up something else. It’ll be fine. ‘I’ve actually been seeing someone for a while but didn’t say anything as I didnt know if it would work out. Anyway he’s proposed and I’m over the moon!’ ‘Congratulations!’

Nobody is that interested in the lives of others anwyay.