Ridiculous Situation

[GoastToast]

I’ll preface this by saying yes, I’m very awkward and yes, this is all of my own making.

I’ve had a boyfriend for 2 years, I’ve never mentioned him at work to colleagues because I always thought he’ll get bored of me at some point and I don’t want to have to go through loads of questions / sympathy when it doesn’t work out (I hate any kind of attention!)

Anyway he proposed at the weekend. The ring needs to be resized so I haven’t got that yet. But… how do I mention to work colleagues that I’m now engaged to someone I’ve never mentioned without looking like a complete weirdo???

To be honest, I don’t think most colleagues will be as interested as you think…I really couldn’t care less about their relationship status.

if you’ve never mentioned a partner and then you tell me you are engaged, I’d be like cool good for you 🤷🏼‍♀️

Work thing - just tell them. Everyone will be happy for you, not think you’re weird at all. Just private.

I'm slightly concerned you’re marrying someone who has made you feel insecure for two whole years!! Why did you constantly think he’d leave you??

(Edited typo)

Ha ha are you my colleague? Announced engagement yesterday with stunning ring. Had no clue she had a boyfriend. Didn't think anything, just thrilled for her. Not everyone shares their life out of work and that's perfectly fine

Hahaha I love this thread, it’s exactly the kind of thing I’d do

The only weird thing about this is that you’re suddenly engaged to someone you’ve never mentioned at work because you thought he was going to dump you when he got bored with you. That suggests very poor self-esteem and a bit of a disconnect from your fiancé, surely? I mean, there he is, falling in love with you and planning to propose while you wait to be ditched?

Whether you’ve ever mentioned him at work is completely irrelevant. I only just discovered that a longtime colleague I thought was childfree has two adult children — she got pregnant with twins at school, so she’s unusually young to have children well into adulthood, and she’s never mentioned them. Another colleague divorced and remarried without mentioning it.

Look at it this way. You are the confident, self assured person at work who DOESNT need everyone to know every details of their homelife for needless justification. You dont exactly come across that way in your post but by not advertising all your life struggles & success you actually will appear more confident.

Just ride it out and when people ask just say you like to have a private life and maybe their is more to you than they realise ;-)

The same thing happened to my parents many years ago (they met through work). They had no idea their colleague even had a girlfriend!

One of my colleagues announced she was pregnant having gotten married at Christmas. No one had any idea but we were obviously delighted for her.
Don't overthink it, and congratulations!

I suppose it depends how close you are to the colleagues.

If there is, say, a friend that you have lunch with every day and you haven't told them that's a bit awkward, but otherwise don't worry about it!

I had a colleague I'd worked with in a team with for many years. We were quite a close team.

Then one day she casually mentioned she was getting married in a few weeks. Well! It was crickets and dropped jaws. We didn't even know she'd split from her husband & gotten divorced!!

No one was upset, just a bit stunned and speechless. And grateful we hadn't been subjected to every blow by blow of the relationship.

There is great freedom in realising that most people are only interested in your life for about thirty seconds ( unless you have just been arrested for murder and they went to school with you).

I hope you have a long and happy marriage.

No one will care. You never know who is in what situation unless it comes up naturally because of something at work

Congratulations OP.

Some people just don't like talking about their personal lives at work. A colleague of mine mentioned her (same sex) partner to me once after we'd been working together for about three years and then never brought her personal life up in conversation again.

I would just wear your ring to work. Obviously you'll want to tell you boss when you're planning to go on honeymoon so as soon as your wedding date is booked just say, "Hi boss, just wanted to talk to you about booking time off next June because I'll be getting married and going on honeymoon."

Just don't mention it. I doubt they're that invested in your love life tbh. Some people make huge gushy fusses about their partners at work, to the point I used to feel sick at one woman. 'jason this and Jason that' oh, 'jason eats that, Jason likes this' her fucking password was Jason. Infuriating and infantile!
I didn't tell anyone about my relationship, got married and didn't say anything. Lol.

The colleagues part wasn’t the bit that caught my attention…He proposed and all the while you thought he would drop you! What a surprise!!

Actually I like your way of thinking, it may seem odd but it does avoid disappointment. Keep that slight cynical side in your marriage too, a lot of ppl could do with a dose of that.

Say nothing. None of their business.

If you didn't mention him before why would you now?
If it comes up, it comes up. What's to wring your hands about?

Why do you need to even tell them you're engaged? Just continue saying nothing.
I see no issue here, unless you've actively lied about having a boyfriend.
Personally I don't want to know about my colleagues' private lives at work neither do I want to share mine.

I'd just accept that they're going to think you're a bit of a weirdo.

Once I realised that "y'know what, I am a bit weird, and I don't particularly care" I became a lot happier. Pretty much everyone's a bit weird in one way or another. Just own it.

Congratulations! Are you going to announce it though? Why not just wear the ring and if anyone clocks it you can say: “Yes, recently got engaged, I just prefer to keep my work and home life separate.” Not a big deal, not a weirdo!

People are usually happy for a colleague when they get engaged, and enjoy admiring the ring and so on. I doubt anyone will be too worried that they were unaware of your DPs existence before this. It's not obligatory to talk about your private life at work.

I lived with my now DH for 3 years (we worked together, but at different locations) before most of our colleagues knew we were an item and we got engaged / married without much fuss either, as it suits us. Your colleagues will be happy for you and I rarely ask about partners unless I've met them, so not unsual not to overshare and I am often grateful when people don't - thinking here of a colleague who really doesn't know when not to say something!! Congratulations on your engagement.

Gently OP, I think you've made this a far bigger deal than you need to 😘

Congratulations! Wear your ring, if someone asks, then say as much as you want to!

Me too, I casually mentioned my first grandchild when she was a month old! Some of us keep work and home very separate.

We had similar. worked with a group of women in customer service call center. went for lunch and everything together. just one evening clocking off and walking out together discussing weekend as itbwas Friday eve and one girl remarked oh yeah I am getting married tomorrow. we did think it was a bit strange e0ecailly as lunch everyday and worked quite closely together. 🙄 but we did wish her well and got her flowers and champagne when she came back I would just drop it in conversation to people in work. everyone will be very happy for you.