Do you think that you internalise what you're told you are as a child?

[Chilloutrelax]

So for example I was always told that I was very clever all throughout primary school. I was constantly praised by teachers and my parents for being brainy. In fact I was probably just a good reader and a bit more ahead than some of the other kids, but I've carried this belief. I've got zero evidence of being clever as an adult but I was told so much the belief has never gone away.

Otoh I was also constantly told I was shy, nervous and not very good at sport and I have carried this belief too and always been afraid of trying things.

Dh was always told that he was slow and a.bit stupid and again, even though he's done very well he always puts himself down about being 'thick'.

100%
I was always told I was SO tall as a child. I was talking about my height at work once, in a way that suggested I was a giant and was met with VERY confused looks from work colleagues.
"Well I am very tall after all"
Ended up resulting in me being MEASURED and it transpires I'm the very average height of 5.5.

The catwalk won't be calling anytime soon!

I’m very thankful to my parents and they way that they encouraged me - I grew up in apartheid South Africa, which as well as being very racist was very sexist too.

My dad in particular would always make sure that I knew that I could do whatever I wanted and that being a girl wasn’t a bad thing. He also made sure that I could do practical things that girls weren’t typically encouraged to do. There wasn’t a pressure to do one particular thing but to find something I liked and was happy to do.

Both my parents worked incredibly hard to counter the racist messages we would get at school so that we wouldn’t grow up thinking that it was acceptable. I’m now very sensitive to the privilege my skin gave me and get quite worked up when people say things like they “don’t see colour”.

Absolutely. Watched inside out 2 the other day and they demonstrated this beautifully.

I was told I was a whinger and a blarter. I still feel this now. It has impacted me greatly.

My mum said she didn't love me and I'd ruined her life.
How do you unlearn these things? Genuinely?

A shedload of psychotherapy if you can afford it.

Read this article as a starter;

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

I think the whole red hair thing is so insulting - almost a form of unconscious bias maybe even a bit like racism.

My parents didn’t believe I was being bullied the entire time I was at secondary school because I was bullied for having ginger hair and they just didn’t believe that was possible, so they never did anything about it.

I’ve no idea why, they’re both from the UK and this was the 90s where newspaper headlines made fun of celebs like Chris Evans for having ginger hair.

I used to cry all the time and tell them I was being bullied, how could they think I was lying for five years and why would I? Anyway it taught me that I wasn’t important, I wasn’t worth believing or making a fuss about, it has undoubtedly stayed with me into adulthood and I sometimes wonder what I could’ve achieved if I’d been supported and believed as a child.