5yo doesn't want milk at bedtime...

[Interl0per]

I (35F, no children) look after my 5yo niece once a week. I collect her from school (I bring a snack as she always thinks she's hungry but only eats a couple of bites; parents also offer a snack when they collect her), we chill out at mine for 1/2 an hour, I take her to gym class and then back to mine.

Her parents (brother and SiL) join us when they finish work. I cook dinner for all of us (usually a big pot meal like pasta or curry and veg). At the end of the meal, I like a piece of fruit, sometimes with yoghurt. Occasionally (maybe once every 6 weeks) there's something more exciting left over from Sunday guests.

Recently, brother has been asking me not to have/offer any fruit, because "niece won't drink her milk at bedtime." A couple of weeks ago niece overheard this and said "I want fruit not milk," but was told no.

Last week, she saw the fruit bowl on the side and said "please can I have fruit not milk?" And was told no. Since then, she's asking for fruit after dinner at home every night, and refusing her milk at bedtime. Brother and SiL are mad at me because it's become a battle of wills every day getting her to have her milk.

I don't have kids. I certainly didn't intend to cause any problems. Does niece need milk at bedtime at this age? Have I inadvertently done something wrong? If I have, any tips on how to correct it?

YABU - niece needs milk and you caused a problem

YANBU - it's OK to offer fruit instead

She doesn't need milk, they just think she should have it. Obvs that's their prerogative. I would be sick if someone made me drink a glass of milk and would always choose an apple so she has my sympathy.

Yanbu, she doesn’t “need” milk at bedtime unless it’s something she enjoys now.

My daughter is 2 and if she doesn’t want milk we don’t make her have milk, not sure what the issue is to be honest! And at least she wants fruit not junk..

She doesn’t need milk at bedtime!!!

YANBU.
i don’t know why they are making a big deal about this. I think what you do is lovely and they should be grateful for the support you give them and the love you have for your niece.

YANBU to offer fruit after dinner.

Guaranteed they gave her milk at bedtime once and she slept through so now they're convinced she needs milk at bedtime every night because otherwise she will break.

Parents are weird for sleep and bedtime routine.

She doesn't need milk at bedtime but their child, their rules.

She’s five years old, not a baby! She doesn’t need milk at bedtime. Her parents are being weird about this.

Are they confused and think she's 5 months old and not 5 years??

This is weird of your brother. Our kids grew out of having milk at bedtime by the time they were two! Plenty of other ways for them to get their calcium needs met in a balanced diet.

They're being utterly ridiculous, she doesn't need milk before bed and if she wants fruit they should just bloody well let her have fruit.

God help them if she goes through an "I absolutely will not eat anything that isn't the colour beige" phase. With kids you must always pick your battles.

However this isn't your battle to pick so stay out of it for your own sanity!

This is so strange. No she doesn’t need milk before bed. Don’t see anything wrong with her having some fruit after dinner either!

Five year olds don't typically need milk at bedtime, but this five year old's parents think she does. Maybe it's a long standing part of their bedtime routine, maybe they think it helps her sleep better, maybe they struggle to get enough calcium into her diet in other ways.

I don't think you've done anything wrong, at all, but it's obviously a big deal for them for some reason.

Her parents are weird. She is a child not a baby, and fruit is a healthy snack.

Ask them why. Neither of mine had milk at bedtime past around turning 2. It's not great for your teeth whether you brush before or after either.

Her parents are being very strange.

Who in their right mind says no to a child asking for fruit 😳

My 20 month old is offered milk before bed and it's 50/50 if it is drunk or not.

Wait, I’ve also just noticed that as well as telling you not to offer your niece fruit, they’ve also told you not to have fruit in case your niece wants some?’

What an entitled pair of arseholes. You provide them with weekly childcare AND cook them all a bloody meal and they’re telling you that you can’t have fruit in your own house!

Laughing because me and DH are on different sides of the fence on this one. DS is nearly 6 and DH will still make him drink his milk - it’s something ingrained from his own childhood I think about having milk to grow. I am not remotely bothered so don’t push if he doesn’t want it. Incedently, ds had fruit AND milk at bedtime. Is that an option? i.e. she only gets fruit if she drinks her milk as well.

I think as auntie you have to follow the parents wishes really. But I think they are being silly.

A 5yo with a healthy, balanced diet who is growing well doesn't need to have milk before bed. My 6yo still usually does, but she loves milk and is a fussy eater and very slim. My 2.5yo gets offered it but usually only has a few sips tops, he's a better eater and lost most of his interest in milk before he'd even turned 1, much preferring food! He's a healthy weight too but almost at the other end of the healthy scale! All kids are different. Some love milk and others not so much. Mine often have fruit after dinner and then they get offered milk about half an hour later.

It’s totally up to her parents. It may not be about milk specifically, but it may be that it’s part of settling down/bedtime routine and that additional snack interrupts that routine. Why don’t you just ask them about it if your curious?

But no, kids don’t need milk at bed time.

YANBU. A five year old doesn't need milk at bedtime, how odd.

She doesn't need milk at bedtime. My eldest was formula fed, and we switched her to cows milk in cups from about 13/14 months and I think persevered until she was 18 months before we realised she didn't really like milk and it was just a waste so we stopped it. She's never been a milk drinker but would get her calcium from cheese, yoghurt or milk in porridge/Weetabix.

I agree I think the parents have got a notion in thejr heads and are too entrenched to change it. If it was sweets/biscuits you were offering I could maybe understand but a fruit or even yogurt is fine.

Loads on MN, far too full of sugar

Tell them bananas help you sleep just as well as milk