5yo doesn't want milk at bedtime...

[Interl0per]

I (35F, no children) look after my 5yo niece once a week. I collect her from school (I bring a snack as she always thinks she's hungry but only eats a couple of bites; parents also offer a snack when they collect her), we chill out at mine for 1/2 an hour, I take her to gym class and then back to mine.

Her parents (brother and SiL) join us when they finish work. I cook dinner for all of us (usually a big pot meal like pasta or curry and veg). At the end of the meal, I like a piece of fruit, sometimes with yoghurt. Occasionally (maybe once every 6 weeks) there's something more exciting left over from Sunday guests.

Recently, brother has been asking me not to have/offer any fruit, because "niece won't drink her milk at bedtime." A couple of weeks ago niece overheard this and said "I want fruit not milk," but was told no.

Last week, she saw the fruit bowl on the side and said "please can I have fruit not milk?" And was told no. Since then, she's asking for fruit after dinner at home every night, and refusing her milk at bedtime. Brother and SiL are mad at me because it's become a battle of wills every day getting her to have her milk.

I don't have kids. I certainly didn't intend to cause any problems. Does niece need milk at bedtime at this age? Have I inadvertently done something wrong? If I have, any tips on how to correct it?

YABU - niece needs milk and you caused a problem

YANBU - it's OK to offer fruit instead

Milk is nasty and unnecessary.

If she doesn't want milk at bedtime, then she shouldn't have to have it - at 5, she really doesn't need it. Giving milk close to bedtime is quite bad for teeth and dentists do try to discourage it - fruit maybe worse given it's more acidic (but I don't think it has anymore sugar content than milk). As long as there is 30 minutes between eating food/drinking milk and the teeth are cleaned then it should be fine.

A big issue with giving milk close to bedtime is that younger children often fall asleep with the nipple/teat in their mouths (and so the milk, which contains sugar, pools in their mouths) , I really don't think giving fruit is going to cause the same result!

My son used to love milk, especially at bed time, then one day said "I don't like milk" and never drinks it now. This happened when turned four. She was always going to go off milk, it wasn't bc of the fruit. Even so, no one could have predicted that she'd never have milk again bc you offered her fruit, so they're being nonsensical.

That's ridiculous she isn't a baby that needs milk. Poor kid she just wants some fruit. It's a sad day when fruit is a no no.

I would have said the same a few months ago. But actually, right now, we're having a 'fruit holiday', I.e. no fruit for a few days. It became a battle, he wanted fruit before every meal, often eating a whole pear, then not attempting much else. Then the whole day was punctuated with whining for fruit.

Also he was eating so much fruit a preschool (everyone had 2 slices then they gave him the box to finish), he was getting diarrhea Tues-Thurs. Yes fruit is way better than UPF snacks, BUT too much is not great, either.

So, unless this kid is eating 6 portions of fruit a day and there is more to this than 'not drinking her milk', then I agree with all the Pps. This is VERY odd behaviour!

She's 5 years, not 5 months!😬

This absolutely!
I was forced to drink milk as a child and was totally miserably every day three times a day as I hated the stuff (and still do.)
And I think it's terrible that they are preventing her from choosing fruit which is a really healthy choice..... not sure what to suggest you do, as it's definitely tricky.

Unless there's some specific medical need then she doesn't need milk at bedtime.

It's awkward though because she is their child, and they can ask you not to give her fruit. I think they're out of order asking you not to have fruit though. If they don't want her having fruit they'll have to enforce it.

Alternatively, could she pick a piece of fruit to take home with her for breakfast or something? Or have a piece as a snack when she gets to your house?

If she doesn’t want milk before bed they can’t make her have it. Nothing wrong with her having fruit after tea it’s a healthy snack. As long as it’s not oranges or grapefruit that can interfere with their sleep if eaten later on. If the milk is to help her sleep bananas kiwi and cherries actually help you get to sleep. I usually do fruit with plain Greek yogurt after tea so that might be an option for her instead of the milk

Stopped giving my youngest son milk at bedtime when he was 9 months old. He just didn't want it after eating solids for his tea. Milk at 5 is absurd to me