Neighbour films us from her house

[ChunkyChips76]

Will try to keep details vague on the off chance the neighbour is on here.

We live opposite this woman, and over the last few months she has sat in her front window and watched us everyday. Harmless enough, maybe she is bored.

Then she started making gestures to us as we left. Still pretty harmless, the V fingers, middle finger, sometimes the wanker sign if she got arsey about something.

But now we have noticed she is filming us. She will sit in her usual watching position with her phone out, but the angle she is sitting at means you can see she isn't scrolling on her phone (holding it one handed, other hand visible, not scrolling, it would be impossible to see etc.)

Either she isn't filming, but wants us to think she is, or she is filming.

She seems to always know when we move outside our front door - the second we open it, she's there. If someone drives up and parks outside out house, she is at her window in an instant, filming. She films the children as they arrive and leave, which is a concern in and of itself.

We've just got a video system because we're concerned about if she escalates this further and comes onto our property (you cannot see into her house with this).

AIBU to want to report her to the police?

Why is everyone calling this woman "old" and "elderly", she said she was 45 - 55. The amount that you can describe her every move in HER house at night means you are watching her just as much as she is watching you. How old are you? You will be shocked when you hit 45 and realize you are not old or elderly.

The best thing you can do is document everything with dates and times. Make sure you don't use judgemental language. Just keep a record of the behaviour and don't try and guess the motivation i.e. at 9.07 XX was at the window with her phone pointing at our front door. The people that we witnessed her filming were etc.

Photograph her with date and time stamps to show a pattern and back up your record, but only when you notice her filming you, not any other behaviour.

In my experience it usually takes about 2-3 weeks for a pattern to emerge. Then you can make a more informed decision about how to proceed. If you feel up to it you can at least confront her with evidence of her behaviour rather than just accusations.

Ultimately the gossiping is not helping you, you have no idea why she is doing it, you just want it to stop.

Op, I replied further up in the thread, going through very similar. Please report her to your local council asb team for stalking and harrassment. You need to do a log. They will only take action if you give them permission. I too am very anxious and after an incident last week we have asked them to take it further and she's had a letter. We have found them very helpful. The police won't do anything unless there has been direct threats or worse but still log it with them. We have done that too. We have also got a ring, which has proved invaluable recently as caught her doing something. Please report her and get it all logged . I really understand how difficult and awful this is. It also does make you question why and what's going on with them. In our case, we all got on and she suddenly turned on us like this. X

We keep the blinds open until it's dark, when we get up to close the blinds (and turn to the window), we can see her sat there, staring in, no matter what time we close them

I can describe it because every night for the last 3 weeks, she has done the same thing. It's not like I've sat and stared at her, I've noticed it and then become more aware as time has gone on

There's a bit of a difference watching someone who is clearly being aggressive and stalkerish.

Exactly. People who are commenting all high and mighty and self righteous have obviously never been involved in a situation like this and I sincerely hope they are not.

I’d film her with a discretely set up camera from your living room. Give it a week and then take it to the police as evidence. I think it’s illegal to film someone on private property without their permission but if you were gathering evidence it’s surely okay?

When you do call the police, do not mention anything about her being sexually frustrated.Nobody knows that. Describe her behaviour. Let them know that you find it intrusive and intimidating and that this is witnessed by the woman over the road. Ask that they come and do a welfare check as you are concerned that her MH is not good and request that she stop filming your family - especially your kids, and intimidating your visitors. You are entitled to a peaceful enjoyment of your property. In the meantime, maybe change up your daily pattern. She may not cope with that. Diarise her behaviour. Ask Nosy Nelly over the road to diarise and take photos of anything she observes too.

You’d be well within your rights to report her to the Police, for the filming of your children alone. But if you wanted to give her a chance to address the behaviour and show that you’ve tried to be reasonable (not that you would unreasonable to report, but it can be good to try a lower stakes approach first) would you feel able to take someone else and go over for a chat.

‘Hi neighbour, I’m not sure if we’ve done something to annoy or offend you but we’ve noticed you looking over here quite a lot and its obvious you’ve been filming us, including the children, or wanting it to look like you are. I don’t want us to fall out but I need to ask you to stop or we have to take it further’.

Have you not stopped to think that the street gossip has been saying things about you too this woman?
If the street gossip will happily call someone "sexually frustrated" they'll happily say that you've got lots of visitors because you're selling drugs, selling yourself etc!
We have one on our street that causes all sorts of problems between neighbours by spreading rumours.

But what if she thinks that the OP is stalking her? And is noting everything because the OP is watching her every move? 🤷‍♀️

My parents had similar and the neighbour was having a breakdown. She thought the neighbours’ wifi coming up on her devices meant that she was being spied upon by them so started spying herself and then giving them grief in the street. She ended up sectioned as it escalated to anti social behaviour and criminal damage. Everyone down the road put in ring doorbells so they had evidence. Tbh it was a sad and stressful time for all involved so you have my sympathies. I hope it doesn’t escalate.

I don't think it is. On the programme Neighbours from Hell, there were more mad/antisocial male neighbours if anything.

Remarkably similar to what we went through (maybe we were on the same street!) and this has immediately made my chest tight and heart rate go up just remembering. These’s no underestimating the stress and anxiety situations like this cause.

I can’t help but think the best thing to do would be to show up at the door with a cake, say oh hi, I know we haven’t met but but we should get to know each other! and then see how she reacts.

maybe she’ll de-crazy if you get to know her a bit. If not you could always go the police / asbo route, but at least you’ll have tried first.

Omg that's very concerning, you seem very calm!
Female or not, what if she's a pedophile and recording your children for other purposes?
I wouldn't find those gestures harmless either I'd find them quite aggressive, if this was happening to me I'm not sure if I'd march over there and get angry but I'd definitely have kept a diary log, photo evidence and logged it all to the police!
Maybe I watch too many crime dramas but I'd be so worried about her taking it further, arson, criminal damage, something to the children etc.. this is really worrying please call the police, possibly a social worker too as it could be that the lady is mentally ill, not coping living on her own and needs care or supported living etc.
Very worrying, please update us.