To wonder if Private School parents think we can’t read?

[Captainmycaptains]

Work/volunteer in Education so following the whole VAT debate.

SM is full of private parent groups ‘organising’ to get the proposed VAT on fees cancelled - fine you would, wouldn’t you esp.if you’re used to getting your own way.

They’re advocating hassling local schools, councils, demanding stats and figures that don’t exist, wiring to MPs - telling people to ‘claim’ their state place to ‘disrupt’ the ‘system’ while also saying ‘ Obvs we won’t be taking Charlotte and Hugo out of school, we’ll find the money’ etc strive harder, getting granny to chip in’ but this might make the council ‘panic’.

Do they think that people in support of the VAT aren’t seeing/hearing/reading all of these plans???

the funniest one yet is the poster who said ‘ well going to claim our state school places then! See how they like that! We’ll going holiday, pay the mortgage down, shop at Waitrose and save £700k in the process, ha!’
I. no you aren’t 2. Okay - go for it! Who on earth would think £700k is worth it?? Behave like a normal person then…

YANBU - yeah, they’re noisy as expected but the rest of us are as think/ concerned as they seem to think. Also - it’s too late for Sept - waiting lists only…

YABU - applying for school places you have no intention of using is daft, and of course everyone can see what they’re trying to do.

The thing is due to the falling birth rate Labour could absolutely make a commitment to reduce class sizes. Why are they not doing they? Because they don’t give a shit about children and have come up with this policy as a gimmick to make people think they are getting one over on the Eton and Winchester crowd. They are relying on people not understanding that most private schools are not like those elite public schools.

I’m a working class former free school meals girl who was bullied for years for working hard and being top of the class until I had a complete mental health breakdown. “Spoff, swat, snob….” I can still hear it now. So please don’t tell me I am looking down on people or that I don’t know what I am talking about. I was the one that was looked down upon.

You're othering a whole section of society and it doesn't come across well.

Also, bad behaviour goes on in private schools too. One of my children went to quite a prestigious school. The stealing, the bullying, the entitlement was very unpleasant to behold.

You have been othering on here for weeks with your comments about private school parents so you have a bloody cheek saying that to me. Clearly I don’t think that about all white working class people because I am one! But you cannot deny that the lowest performing ethnic group are white working class boys. So there is definitely an issue.

Oh I see is that why you hate all private schools because your child had a bad experience in one. But you are annoyed when you think that I am suggesting that all white working class people have a poor attitude to education (although I clearly didn’t say that.) The headteacher of my DC’s school said that if a school tells you that there is no bullying they are lying. It’s how the school deals with it that sets it apart. I have just seen how my DC’s school deal with it. The boy in question was expelled, no second chances.

I haven't been othering anyone. Sorry but some of your comments sound like you may have a chip on your shoulder. I was bullied at school too - I'm autistic. I've worked through that and don't consider a whole section of society to be to blame.

And I have enough experience of parenting different children in different schools to understand there is a bigger picture than you would have people believe.

My youngest child is going to a private school in September because she has PDA, no diagnosis or EHCP yet and I don't think she's going to manage 30 in a group transitions. I'm not frothing at the mouth about how I'm entitled not to pay VAT. I recognise that I'm lucky to have a choice, even though I'm far from rich or anything.

I hate all private schools even though I've had children in several at different times? 🧐 ok, then - I think you can do better than that.

You have absolutely been othering. You had continuously lumping private school parents into one group who can all afford the VAT increase and you now admit that your child is going to private school in September so you can clearly afford the VAT. A real case of I’m all right Jack.

And you tell me that I have a chip on my shoulder and am blaming a whole section of society whilst completely ignoring the fact that I am from a working class background so I do know what I am talking about. It’s my lived experience, I didn’t go to a private school like you.

I went to a mixture of different schools. You're talking absolute nonsense now and have painted yourself into a corner.

I haven’t painted myself into a corner, you have. You say above that you are far from rich but are going to use a private school. However, on another thread you said this about private school parents:

“It says a lot that you think rich people having to pay their way is them being shat on.”

And then this:

“Easy, they quadrupled their wealth under the first four years of the coalition.”

I recognise that I'm lucky to have a choice, even though I'm far from rich or anything.

@Onomatofear you’ve had children in several private schools including a prestigious one?
You must be pretty rich in that case.

@Onomatofear so you are sending your DC to private school because you don’t think they would cope with state but you said this on another thread:

“What do you mean? Who is taking a swipe at which group of children? It does not come over very well when people suggest that their child will be damaged by having to not go to a posh school any more. It’s the epitome of a first world problem when a lot of others in the UK can’t afford food and have to use food banks.”

So your child would be damaged but not anyone else’s?

The difference is that it’s much easier for private schools to permanently exclude those types of pupils. Of course all schools have unpleasant and disruptive children. What sets a decent private school apart from the others though is the way they deal with those children. A good school will have solid policies in place to enable them to deal with problems swiftly and effectively. I’d be interested to know which “prestigious” school you have experience of. The good ones have robust policies with a very low tolerance of bullying and stealing.

‘The difference is that it’s much easier for private schools to permanently exclude those types of pupils.’

Bull and shit. I know of several children who left their private schools because of bullying and because the school did absolutely NOTHING to address it. Being private means you ARE NOT as accountable as a state school.
In one case the school just denied it was happening at all -
totally gaslit the family, in another they blames the victim. They are more concerned with their brand, their reputation and by protecting ‘loyal’ school
families ( i.e. the rich ones who have sent generations of kids there, or have multiple kids to send) than anything else.
just look at the Covering up at private schools of sexual abuse perpetrated by teachers AND pupils that has come to light.
Or if the latest scandal - where the famous boys school is spending 10s of 1000s on PR and lawyers to cover up the deep fake sex abuse against girls and protect their reputation.

No bullying, my arse, it’s worse. Far worse because these businesses are at the mercy of their rich clients and that will always come first.

Even if you follow any threads on private schools you will find planets of discussion around having to move private schools because of bullying.

‘Rich’ really is subjective though, isn’t it? I don’t feel ‘rich’ but we are both in the top % of earners.
The number of people I know who say they aren’t really are that well off but have 2 or 3 children in private schools costing them between £15k and £30k per year per child is astonishing.
By any measure having that amount of money to spare that way does make you very well off, even if your car is 6 years old and you can’t afford half term ski-ing this year.

Yes fine, accepted by all I think. It doesn't mean though, especially if 3+ children, that you can easily find 20% on top of that school fee spend though. A lot of kids will have to move into the state sector and then the policy costs the state and is ridiculous.

I’m afraid that’s absolute rubbish. The decent private schools, with long waiting lists, deal with bullying very effectively.

Aagreed. What total and utter nonsense. In Scotland one pupil was permanently excluded last year. 1! And countless children are removed from private school. Children are running riot in state schools in Scotland. Poor behaviour id going through the roof. Totally unaddressed. Compared to this the private school my child attends is an oasis of calm. I have children in both. I see the difference and it’s extremely stark indeed.

A good state school should also have a robust anti bullying policy though, and it being "easy" to permanently exclude a child isn't necessarily the best approach anyway. After all, the bully is also a child. One of my children was bullied in year 7. The school dealt with it swiftly and effectively. My son had no further problems but the bully was not permanently excluded. He received the help he needed to deal with some background issues and I believe he went on to leave school with a half reasonable set of GCSEs and took up an apprenticeship. I'm glad he didn't get excluded. Yes, it would have been a quick fix and sorted things out very effectively from my DS and another couple of pupils' perspective, but what about the bully - he would probably have been shunted from school to school, had similar experiences and quite possibly ended up in a PRU and left school without qualifications. But he was a troubled youngster, not a master criminal and I'm glad he got another chance.
That said, I do know there have been permanent exclusions that seem to have been pretty quick. A few years ago some children were caught selling drugs at school and they were excluded immediately. Perhaps the difference is that that actually was a crime, I don't know. The pupils were older too.
But we were impressed by how the school managed our child's bullying. Obviously I know it isn't universal but it's not true to say that state schools can't deal with bullying. I also know from the experience of friends and family that not all private schools deal with bullying effectively either. I won't tell other people's stories but I know individuals personally and through my children who have had bad experiences at quite a range of independent schools. There is good and bad in both sectors.

They are all over bullying and unkind behaviour at dds all girl state. We have had a brush with it last week actually (not Dd but she was a witness ). God I don’t know how those teachers do it would do my head in - bet they cannot wait for July 12th!!

I didn’t say that state schools can’t deal with bullying. My comment was in response to a poster who is saying that bullying is worse in private schools. That simply isn’t the case. There are good state schools and bad private schools.

I wonder why some schools deal with bullying better than others. What do schools that have little bullying do that is so good? What can other schools learn?

Expel bullies and play hockey or rugby.