10 year old picked on for not playing computer games

[Duckduckgoose78]

My DS in Yr5 came home from school today upset, saying he's being picked on by two boys in his class because he doesn't play computer games like Roblox or Fortnite. He's also feeling left out of the gaming chat in the classroom and in the playground because he can't join in with them.

It's a conscious decision on our part to not let him play games, we don't have a console (apart from the Wii) and he has a busy life with lots of activities after school and at the weekend so there's no time anyway! He would likely not be able to self regulate, and although he is much better now, he did used to get very upset when he lost at mario kart on the Wii.

How do we help him deal with the social exclusion he's feeling at school? He's only been at this school since half way through Yr4, 18 months or so. He's found it hard to integrate into the class, but has a small core group of friends with things in common now, and had a good time on school residential last week with them. We really don't want to introduce games, but are wondering whether we're putting him at a disadvantage by not having them at home. Are we being unreasonable by not letting him game? Help!

If you do consider it, I'd suggest you watch out for Roblox, it's a shit show. The chat function is incredibly insecure. Even if you have it locked down to friends only then your friends can add you to group chats.

A group of children in our year 5 are currently being supported after they were groomed on Roblox recently.

Thankfully, gaming was not quite as prevalent when we were raising our kids, but it was still available. We made the decision that the computer was for educational games, if any, and that we wouldn't have any other type of gaming equipment. We knew if we had an XBox (or whatever the "in" thing was at the time), our son would never leave the house. He does some gaming, now, but has literally thanked us for not allowing it while he was still in school as he has friends who do nothing else. He has a lot of other interests and is grateful we encouraged that instead of allowing him to spend all his time gaming.

Honestly any kid who is that into football is going to watch a lot of football on YouTube and usually play FA24 or whatever.

I didn't allow fortnite, it was causing lots of issues at the school between children before lockdown. They are 11 and 13 now and they could have it now if they wanted to but all their friends seem to have lost interest

They've been playing Minecraft from quite young and roblox from about 7/8 . They make some really great things on Minecraft, working elevators, pirate ships with working canons etc , the 11 year old likes to create games in roblox

I have 2 adult dc and they both gamed with friends back in the day, it's been part of childhood for a long time now

Don't do it. Please.

Playing computer games like fortnite ( in moderation of course) has many cognitive benefits for example strategists, processing lots of information quickly etc.
I think you are very unkind to put him in this position. It's all very well for you to take this lofty stand, but you are not the one who has to cope with the consequences of this.

I thought it was 😂

Is this a good time to discuss AI in the work place 🤔

We don't live in a world of darling buds of May. The world of work is evolving and technology is a massive part.

You might not like it but this is how kids spend time with friends now.

There's nothing wrong with an hour a day. There are great parental apps and controls on eg Xbox so you know who he's playing with and what messages are sent etc.

I'm afraid there is no way around him being left out as every other boy will be online every night, nattering and playing together, and they are bound to discuss this in school.

He'll be heading up to secondary in a year - he will stand out like a sore thumb then!

I know you're doing it for good reasons but it really can backfire.

I agree with this. It brings out the absolute worst in kids.

Nothing wrong with eg Minecraft, Roblox and Rocket League etc.

I think gaming is unfairly maligned. I gamed a lot as a child and got a lot from it (and a game inspired me to pursue a career in law).

It’s a bit like tv/film or books (except more social). Some games are educational, some are enriching in other ways (developing creativity or problem solving skills), some are brainless fun and some can be harmful (particularly to children).

I don’t think the fact he had tantrums as a young child when he lost at Mario Kart is a big deal at all - a lot of young children respond negatively to losing, whether it’s a video game, a board game, a sport or whatever else.

Just let him game and put reasonable restrictions on it if he cannot self regulate (and I’d caution that I think very stingy game-time allowances are likely to lead to bad feeling and conflict):

Minecraft can be a very benign game- it's a building game, and there is a school version my daughter uses as school. You shouldn't feel forced into allowing him to play certain games because everyone else does- but have a look at them there are risks with Roblox and Fortnite- mainly around the chat function, but if it's played in the family environment and chat disabled, then it can be introduced slightly more 'safely' but also involves having to listen to it yourself!

No, don't change your (in my opinion) good parenting style because of bullies. It's them that needs to change not your son. Some sketchy stuff can come up on Roblox and fortnight is all guns super fast paced, not good for a child's mind. Stick to your guns and teach your son that you can't please everybody and bullies will always find a way to bully regardless whether he's playing the games they like or not.

It is used in primary in Ireland as a UDL supportive platform. My youngest learnt algebra on it. Completed Geography projects on natural resources etc. Minecraft educational platform is a wonderful resource.

https://www.dcu.ie/research-publication/primary-school-students-experiences-using-minecraft-education

here is the research that shows the advantages of utilising Minecraft in primary education.

My Son played games on a console in primary but I was hesitant with the online games you are talking about. He often felt excluded for other reasons at school with peers. Then I let him play them and it opened up his friendship circle at school and made him more confident. He’s now a teenager and hardly goes on his console. So going on consoles doesn’t have to mean a life of being addicted to them, just manage his time.

I'm a big fan of gaming. I don't recognise any of what other posters write.

Both my boys are older now and did ok at school, played football for local teams, are out with friends all the time on their bikes, playing football, going to Thorpe park and Nando's. But playing x box was also a big part of their lives. No tantrums no problems, nothing but laughter and fun. A shared love of playing eg fifa with boys his own age, the laughter. Makes my heart warm with all the squeels of laughter I've heard over the years. Builds their confidence, they chat and laugh as they play. Both of them are confident speakers and excel at presenting business ideas to a panel as part of their learning to present topic at school. I'm saying that gaming played a role in this.

In Covid we had tonnes of playing. Eg fifa football. It was a lifeline and kept friendships going. It was a saviour and not negative in any way.

I'm just trying to present an alternative view. I would encourage it to anyone and the total negative press it gets is not what I can relate to.

I started gaming aged 10 in 1976. I have gamed on and off all my life. I ran an academic library for many years did some lecturing and also worked in public libraries. DH is an academic who also loves gaming as does our DS. We are also all in to sport and currently on a hiking holiday. It also encouraged DH and I in to programming back in the early 1990’s.

It is all about balance.

There is a ridiculous snobbery on MN about gaming. There is plenty of problem solving in some games. I play a game where I’m constantly trying to improve my character with statistical distribution of abilities and weapons that I win in game have dozens of combination perks that when coupled with the stats of my build change gameplay.

My two have both had access to a console/switch/tablet etc since they were very young (about 5 maybe, they used to play on their older brothers X box with him). Consequently neither of them are particularly fussed about them. My son probably plays an hour or so a day at 17 and my daughter probably doesn't even rack up an hour a week!
They are both outdoorsy (hiking and horse riding) but, crucially they can join in conversations about popular games. They can also access Netflix (remember when Stranger Things was all the rage?) so the technology keeps them in the loop.
By all means choose for your children to have no access to these things but as they get older they will be increasingly left out.

This thread is very disappointing.

My son is 16 now and thanks his dad and I for "not letting me become a Fortnite kid". He understands the value of it now.

I’ve made a bit of a uturn on gaming. I actually think it’s not the completely worthless activity I used to think. My son plays a football game & Minecraft (which is brilliant). They are all lovely games and definitely better than watching something passively. He has zero interest in the TV . We just take it the switch at the weekends so there are not arguments about it. he plays a lot of sports, reads, plays lego so he’s not some gaming zombie at all.

I feel like Roblox is very hard make safe so I’ve said no to that. He’s only 8, so I haven’t been talked into Fortnite yet. I don’t like shooting games but ultimately I’d be reluctant to have a firm no on everything they are asking for.

Looking at my eldest now i think firm no can backfire. My kids know they can ask me for these things - I’ll look into them, they understand my primary concern is online safety for them. He’ll be older in a couple of years and looking for phones ect.. there’ll be a lot to negotiate.

We have no Fortnite kids either but have had gaming for over 40 years 🤷‍♀️ there are literally millions of types of games.

I wish parents could see what they do to their kids by thinking they're doing them a favour by being different and not letting kids do normal kid things.
My two kids are both ADHD and autistic..
They play video games very occasionally- my DD plays sims and my DS plays Roblox and Fortnite. Does it rule their lives? Absolutely not- we're not in the house enough for it to do so.
I also don't regulate it either to the point of telling them they have an hour of screen time. I was a gamer and you can't do much in an hour.
I do insist on them participating in lots of outdoor activities in their spare time and before anyone jumps on me to sneer at me being a "cool mum" because I'm not hovering over my child all the fucking time can literally get in the bin. Im strict with my kids in other ways.
I had a mum who restricted me doing anything and now as I've got older I resent it massively. The only thing I wasn't restricted from doing was cleaning the bloody house.

Your child just wants to fit in, please let them. Kids are massive dicks but if you can stop your child from being picked on with something easily rectifiable then do it.

I actually think it’s not the completely worthless activity I used to think

And even if it is a completely worthless activity - so what? Everyone needs down time, do do something which they enjoy and relaxes them. You might go to the threatre or cinema, watch soaps on the telly, post on mumsnet....This idea that every single minute of a child's day mist be filled with activities which are wholesome and educational - weird.