10 year old picked on for not playing computer games

[Duckduckgoose78]

My DS in Yr5 came home from school today upset, saying he's being picked on by two boys in his class because he doesn't play computer games like Roblox or Fortnite. He's also feeling left out of the gaming chat in the classroom and in the playground because he can't join in with them.

It's a conscious decision on our part to not let him play games, we don't have a console (apart from the Wii) and he has a busy life with lots of activities after school and at the weekend so there's no time anyway! He would likely not be able to self regulate, and although he is much better now, he did used to get very upset when he lost at mario kart on the Wii.

How do we help him deal with the social exclusion he's feeling at school? He's only been at this school since half way through Yr4, 18 months or so. He's found it hard to integrate into the class, but has a small core group of friends with things in common now, and had a good time on school residential last week with them. We really don't want to introduce games, but are wondering whether we're putting him at a disadvantage by not having them at home. Are we being unreasonable by not letting him game? Help!

@cheddercherry

Would you feel the same if it was a girl being left out and mocked for not being into makeup/"skin care" and tik tok?

I would allow him to play those games with a time limit. Although they do indeed get addicted to them, at 10 you are still in control of how much time you allow. Unfortunately I would say you are putting him at a social disadvantage by not letting him play as boys tend to bond over this kind of thing. They also make other spontaneous social plans whilst connected online at that age, so your son will miss out on that as well. Plus, they have fun and everything in moderation and all that. Even though I'm in my fifties I used to have a lot of fun playing the games of the time.

You’re not being unreasonable. You say he has a good core group of friends and that he had a good time at the residential, so he’s clearly not lacking in social skills/common ground with absolutely every child in the school.
The kids bullying him aren’t the ones I’d be trying to get him “in” with tbh, they sound really unpleasant. I guarantee if he went back and tried talking to them about the gaming he’s now doing they’d say he’s being a try hard. You can’t win with some people, so best to follow your own instincts about what’s best for your child.

Is he really being mocked , or could he be making it up? My son made up a story about being mocked because he was the only one who wasn’t allowed to play Fortnite. He thought we’d let him play out of pity. Which eventually we did. In the end he played Fortnite for half a year and then switched to other games because he was fed up with it.

I think teaching your kids healthy gaming habits is just as important as healthy eating habits. Moderation, self control, setting a good example is key i think. All those parents who proudly react here they don’t give screentime to their kids, but are on their phone on mumsnet for hours themselves…. Not giving a good example.

I don't agree with that blanket statement. My grandson plays fortnite. Has for several years and he is just turning 14. A few years ago when it came out he was mad for it. His parents gave him a limited time after his chores and homework were done and he abided by it. I being gramma lol..bought him the bed sheets and comforter and several of the big squishy pillow things. He was not allowed mics on. Now he has microphone on and only plays it on a Sat morning with my husband. We are thousands of miles away now and every saturday he will text his papa and say.....so...whatcha doin papa.. wanna play fortnite?? Husband hates it but says it is harmless and our grandson still has that stupid bedset. He may want to change that soon before he gets a little girlfriend that visits the house hahahaha. He also plays the violin very well (been taking lessons since 5) and this year he decided he wanted to learn flute and is already 7 months into lessons. He is possibly the nicest kindest kid I have ever met. I think everything is fine in moderation as long as it is monitored by the parents , My daughter has parental controls on both his and his 15 year old sisters phones. Every message they send on any platform comes to her. And she takes their phones at bedtime and checks them also randomly.

this is such an over the top message - they’re not weird kids because they have different choices to you. Social exclusion - with lots of extra curricular activities where they actually meet people? Lazy parenting? We don’t use screens although my kids are smaller and it feels the opposite of lazy - I don’t get time with they are zoned out, so lots more activities like baking, art play, music, gardening, where we have to participate, guide, plan etc!
never get to same developmental stage? Which model of childhood development cites gaming as some sort of milestone?

Get him a ps5 ffs.

This is what I say to my 10 year old 'turn that off now please pal' and guess what? He does!

Every single one of my sons friends have a console and they all party up every night and play together online. You are excluding your child from that social networking. Which is the absolute norm now. Its not 1995!

I would let him play a little. My son is 9 and personally I wouldn't let him near Fortnite, and I haven't let him have Roblox yet (though I will) but he plays Mario Kart and FC24 on Nintendo, and currently Geometry Dash is big among his classmates.

All the boys I know play a bit and talk about it a lot, and that fully includes the sporty kids. If there genuinely are children who are so overscheduled that they don't have 10 minutes to play Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze, then that reflects worse on their parents than moderate screen time in my view.

I am also wondering if he doesn't go on playdates? For boys that age it would be most unusual to never play games then.

It would be very alienating to not have some access to games and there are significant differences in the type of games available. Mine have always had them on their house and as a family they grew up with multi generations playing mario, formula 1, FIFA etc.

The consolea could be left weeks unplayed because they weren't the banned item. We use Minecraft for maths. They both code and create animation.

They do have the one child in the class who isn't allowed and I feel very sorry for him as even though his friends include him he misses out on certain Xbox play dates or online competitions.

My DS was a gamer. He would have amazing fun on the co-op games. We would often mute the tv just to listen to him laughing and bantering with his mates on his headphones. He now has a tech job and is a high earner in his early 20s. He has done much better than many of his friends, including some of the private school educated ones that had sniffy parents who had similar negative attitudes to gaming.

My question is why, in a whole weekend, would there be ‘no time’? Whatever you’re doing, if he hasn’t got any down time just to join in with some mindless fun with his friends - even an hour - then that’s sad.

Yes but lets be honest hes the exception. Most dont get into that industry, no more than pub goers get into the pub trade.

Harsh but fair!

Set restrictions and monitor communications. I was teased 30 years ago for not playing games. Hated my parents for it.

It s a massive industry and huge wages in particular in Dublin. All state future skills reports in Ireland identify it as an huge area of growth and higher education institutions are adding quals to meet this demand.

And it’s an activity that 99% of ages and abilities can engage with. Compare it to footie and the number who make it to the premiership etc.

It’s not a given that he won’t be able to regulate. He won’t be able to regulate himself at gaming if you don’t give him a chance to regulate himself at gaming. He won’t become a good loser if he doesn’t have the chance to lose (you mention he didn’t like losing Mariokart).

He’s PLENTY old enough to be able to handle and understand gaming limits and getting other responsibilities done before gaming.

Poor kid! I think it is lazy parenting to ban all video games and then list Roblox which is educational in the same sentence as FortNite which is just mindless violence.

You are causing him to be socially excluded and he will be missing out on tons of games that are both fun and educational- like Roblox, Minecraft, Professor Layton, and Unravel. These games focus on creativity, logic and problem solving.

He won’t be able to regulate himself at gaming if you don’t give him a chance to regulate himself at gaming.

This- and remember self-regulation is learned, not in us at birth. Keeping him from learning how to self-regulate when it comes to tech isn’t doing him any favours.

Have you seen ALL the games on Roblox? There are plenty that are just mindless violence, or inappropriate in various forms due to content.

And I ask this as a parent whose kid does play games and is on Roblox.

My DC created their own games in Roblox- they learnt Lua, did the coding and scripting. They had no interest in the mindless games.

Roblox is the one game we don’t allow (obviously we don’t allow 18+ things too!) It’s shit graphics for a start. Plus don’t like the chatting to strangers element.

I've allowed all my children access to gaming within their age limits. My eldest is 32, youngest is18. No brain damage or health problems, they all have good social circles and jobs. My DS1 is a massive gaming fan he went to university, was the president of the student union and left with a 1st in ancient history. My youngest is going to university this year to study gaming development.

You can disable the chat function.

I’m aware. Still absolute rubbish though. And the one game that sends DS absolutely mental. It’s not for us 😄

If you have a phone he can play roblox on it using app. You can set Parental settings easily.

I'm quite partial to minecraft

Well if you are judging a game by its graphics, then that’s your preference. I grew up with text based computer games myself so a game can still be very good with no or retro graphics imho.

Sport is better. Too many kids in front of screens now.
They are missing out if they don't get out there and play sport and exercise not the op son.