Context: I (31F) have been with partner (48M) 10yrs in July, 1 x 9yr old together. Engaged since last July. Partner has been married before ~15yrs ago (in a very lavish 100k+ ceremony); this is my 1st wedding.
Now, we are very fortunate to have been gifted 15k towards our wedding from his family. Immediately after engagement, partner says he wants to wait until we have moved house, changed jobs and paid down debts. Logical, I guess. But none of these things (barring occasional job changes) are things I see as needing to be done "pre-marriage".
I got very excited initially, creating a spreadsheet for planning, arranging 15 venue viewings, planning rings and dress, guest list, etc. Discovered very quickly that 15k doesn't get you very far when even a pub charges a minimum 12k for a wedding package. So I looked into our local parish church (which is truly beautiful) and they are happy to marry us there for 500 quid. I asked partner about dates and we agreed 15th Nov 24 was a fine date. Everything from that point planning-wise has kind of ground to a halt.
I am starting to feel like Sheldon Cooper in Big Bang Theory; everyone is telling me I am ripping the fun and romance out of wedding planning and I truly dont get it. I want an all-black wedding, no bridesmaids, am not deeply bothered about the food, cake or flowers (he wants all of the above at a high level), and am happy with 50-60 guests (he wants 150 split across day and night). I'm an introvert, so am not interested in forcing people to pay tons of cash to attend and be forced to sit where I tell them and talk to strangers (he thinks that seating plans etc are part and parcel of a wedding). I think that, the above factors considered, 4 months to plan the wedding isn't too much of an issue. We can get- under my plan- food, venue, ceremony, catering and drinks for around 8k. My close friends and family have been tipped off about the date already and asked to keep it free.
Partner and friends however say I don't get it. I "won't be the centre of attention" if everyone is in black, I am not "making the most of the process", I would regret going ahead with it in this way, etc etc. Partner got grumpy last night and said if I want to "just do it", we may as well wear our t-shirts to the reg office (which I have at no stage said I want).
So, AIBU to want to go ahead with a small, simple, not overplanned plan, on a short time frame, despite partner seemingly wanting something more lavish/romantic/traditional (but being unable to actually put into words his specific wants, and budget withstanding)? Or do I really not understand the concept of weddings and should put the date back, make more effort to do something more considered, etc?