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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family member putting down my new home

52 replies

mynewhome1 · 23/06/2024 18:33

I've recently bought my first house by myself after renting and saving for years. It's a 2 bed terraced house, so by no means a mansion but it's perfect for me and I'm very happy here. It took me years to be able to afford to buy my own home and I'm actually really proud of myself.

My cousin who I'm very close to (no siblings so kind of like a sister) has been making strange comments since I moved in. For example, like a lot of terraced houses, the bathroom is downstairs and she said the other day she couldn't live in a house with that layout. She also mentioned about how the front door opens directly into the living room which apparently doesn't feel safe

and that there isn't any parking and she wouldn't live somewhere without a driveway.

Fair enough, the comments aren't about my house specifically (I don't think), more about terraced houses in general but it just feels a bit, I don't know, bitchy I guess?

I'd love a 5 bed house with multiple bathrooms and a huge driveway but I can't afford that and so I had to buy something within my budget. I also think my house is a lovely first time buyer home. I don’t like using the word “jealous” but that’s how it’s coming across. I know she’s wanted to buy her own house for a long time so maybe she’s disappointed that she’s not in that position yet, but she does prioritise other things though, such as holidays twice a year as where I haven’t been abroad since 2018. There’s nothing wrong with that but most people can’t have everything.

I’m not going to mention it as I don’t want to cause a huge family row, but I do feel quite sad that she’s not happy for me. That’s how it’s coming across anyway and I thought we were really close. I guess I just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 18:34

Stop inviting her round. If she brings up in conversation with other people challange her directly "why are you always so negative about my house - every one else is happy for me".

Tel12 · 23/06/2024 18:35

Sounds like she's a tad jealous that you have managed so well on your own. Ignore her. Your house sounds just right and it's yours!

Summerhillsquare · 23/06/2024 18:36

She may well be jealous, or just wanting to piss on someone's chip, and you're handy. Smile, "I feel very lucky, of course it all down to my hard work", and if its too much, step away.

BCBird · 23/06/2024 18:36

Congratulations OP. Enjoy ur new jime without ur cousin.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/06/2024 18:36

You should absolutely be proud of yourself, and I'm so happy for you. It's a huge achievement!

Your cousin is jealous and she can't stand it. Jealousy is a very, very ugly emotion. This is all about her and how she feels about herself and her life.

Springwatch123 · 23/06/2024 18:38

Jealousy.

What’s her housing situation? Next time she says anything, call her out on it, even if it’s a ‘if you can’t be nice, don’t say anything’ type reply.

Enjoy your new home.

Changingplace · 23/06/2024 18:38

Ignore her that’s so rude, enjoy your lovely house & well done on doing it on your own it’s a huge achievement.

Wulfeniii · 23/06/2024 18:40

Aquamarine1029 · 23/06/2024 18:36

You should absolutely be proud of yourself, and I'm so happy for you. It's a huge achievement!

Your cousin is jealous and she can't stand it. Jealousy is a very, very ugly emotion. This is all about her and how she feels about herself and her life.

This, absolutely. Your cousin is envious of what you've achieved so she's trying to diminish your achievement to make herself feel better. It's not nice but jealousy can cause perfectly nice people to act in an unpleasant way.

Anyway, your house sounds lovely and you should be so proud of yourself. Enjoy your new home and don't let anyone take the shine off what you've achieved!

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/06/2024 18:41

“Oh really? Well I love it. It suits me and I feel a real sense of achievement.” With a cheerful smile.

Pure envy and resentment from your cousin.

AnnaMagnani · 23/06/2024 18:42

What is your cousin's housing?

I found that if you haven't bought (and in some places renting is the same) you don't realise just how many compromises you need to make to get anything at all.

Plus if she hasn't bought herself, then she is jealous.

Purpleday1 · 23/06/2024 18:43

Such ugly behaviour and one you would be wise not to ignore.
Someone who would do this does not have your back, may well quietly rejoice in you having bad luck.
Do not waste any further time investing energy in the relationship.
No need to cut off or anything like that, just note the behaviour and NEVER put yourself in a position that you need to depend on them.
Invest in other relationships.
People who genuinely love you would be thrilled for you.
Regarding the front door opening into the sitting room.
I had a house like that, a rental.
It had a steel ring above the front door, from which a curtain hung. It was fabulous as it afforded privacy when you answered the door and was the greatest draft blocker in winter. Brilliant.
Best of luck.

Madcats · 23/06/2024 18:44

Possibly because I've spent a good 2/3 of my life living in them in Bath/London/Bristol I rate terraced houses (with walled gardens, doubly so).

2 beds sounds perfect for a starter home.

I think somebody might be a tad jealous.

Nannyfannybanny · 23/06/2024 18:45

People are horrible. My brother in law used to be like this, his house was a top, falling to bits. Every time he came to ours,he made nasty comments, similar to the cousin. We figured jealousy. (NC now)

username47985 · 23/06/2024 18:46

Eugh jealousy for sure !

Congratulations op! I hope you are very happy in your home.

thaisweetchill · 23/06/2024 18:46

"I'm sure when you get your house you'll be able to have those things"

"Well I like my house I've worked very hard for"

"We've not all got the same wants when coming to buying a house"

GreyCarpet · 23/06/2024 18:47

You have to just ignore it. Who cares what she thinks?

My house is a Victorian terrace of the same size/layout as yours and I love it!

Not so much getting up for a wee in the night 😉 but I wouldn't care for a 5 bed house, tbh. This is perfect for me. As yours is for you.

I've had plenty of people comment on the downstairs bathroom or the lack of a hallway. But who cares? I love it. I love the garden. I love the cosiness of it. Its the happiest house I've ever lived in.

biscuitsnow · 23/06/2024 18:48

She's jealous- there is no other explanation for it.

Dont take it to heart but revel in it. Have a bingo card in your mind and every time she says something say with a big smile "well, phew, its just as well you dont have to live here then isnt it?". Note how many bingo phrases she hits each time and have a laugh about it when she's gone.

It's pathetic, small minded behaviour and be thankful you arent her marinating in her bitterness sauce.

Bloody well done on your fab house!

iamtheblcksheep · 23/06/2024 18:49

She’s jealous. Just ignore her. She’ll get over it.

Daphnis156 · 23/06/2024 18:49

Well done, and just take her petty comments as envy that she does not have what you have worked hard for.

GreyCarpet · 23/06/2024 18:49

And, tbh, it doesn't really matter rif she's happy for you or not.

You're happy. That's what counts.

She is not. So her put downs are irrelevant. She's not speaking put of concern for you but to make herself feel better.

Enjoy your home.

mynewhome1 · 23/06/2024 18:51

Thank you all so much for the lovely comments, it's actually made me feel a lot better.

My cousin rents a 2 bed flat from a housing association, but I know she hates the area and the fact she doesn't have a garden for her daughter. I rented for 8 years myself so I understand what it feels like to want a house of your own. It took me a long time to save up and get to this point, and I had to compromise on other things in the process.

Granted I probably have a bit more disposable income than her as she has a child and she's now a single parent but she was with her ex for years and they earned a good income whilst they were together but didn't save and prioritised other things such as holidays, clothes, cars etc. There's nothing wrong with that of course but I think she's annoyed that I prioritised saving/buying a home over those things and so now we're in different positions.

OP posts:
bluebeck · 23/06/2024 18:55

XSIL was like this.

It’s jealousy pure and simple.

biscuitsnow · 23/06/2024 18:56

There's nothing wrong with that of course but I think she's annoyed that I prioritised saving/buying a home over those things and so now we're in different positions

Of course she is- she chose short term luxuries over a long term gain. Thats fine, her choice, but she then has no right to be pissy about it.

She made her bed, she has to lie in it now. Now, if she was sensible, she'd look at what you've achieved and set herself a saving goal to do the same but that would mean not splurging on other stuff. Far more productive use of her time than making stupid bitchy comments.

goingdownfighting · 23/06/2024 18:58

Her comments are more about her than your house.

You don't need to respond to such comments.

Your house is a real life tangible realisation of the differences in choices that you've both made.

She should be inspired.

It's her problem, not yours. Hopefully she'll get over it. Meanwhile try not to dwell on it and fill your house with those who love you and want the best for you.

AstonMartha · 23/06/2024 19:03

I live in a very marmite house! I love it but lots of people hate it and say that they couldn’t live here (we are very isolated).

Everything that they say makes me love it a bit more and they never get invited back!

Congratulations on buying your first home!