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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family member putting down my new home

52 replies

mynewhome1 · 23/06/2024 18:33

I've recently bought my first house by myself after renting and saving for years. It's a 2 bed terraced house, so by no means a mansion but it's perfect for me and I'm very happy here. It took me years to be able to afford to buy my own home and I'm actually really proud of myself.

My cousin who I'm very close to (no siblings so kind of like a sister) has been making strange comments since I moved in. For example, like a lot of terraced houses, the bathroom is downstairs and she said the other day she couldn't live in a house with that layout. She also mentioned about how the front door opens directly into the living room which apparently doesn't feel safe

and that there isn't any parking and she wouldn't live somewhere without a driveway.

Fair enough, the comments aren't about my house specifically (I don't think), more about terraced houses in general but it just feels a bit, I don't know, bitchy I guess?

I'd love a 5 bed house with multiple bathrooms and a huge driveway but I can't afford that and so I had to buy something within my budget. I also think my house is a lovely first time buyer home. I don’t like using the word “jealous” but that’s how it’s coming across. I know she’s wanted to buy her own house for a long time so maybe she’s disappointed that she’s not in that position yet, but she does prioritise other things though, such as holidays twice a year as where I haven’t been abroad since 2018. There’s nothing wrong with that but most people can’t have everything.

I’m not going to mention it as I don’t want to cause a huge family row, but I do feel quite sad that she’s not happy for me. That’s how it’s coming across anyway and I thought we were really close. I guess I just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
SexSectionNameChange · 23/06/2024 19:03

None of her ‘I don’t like’ and ‘I couldn’t live with’ comments matter as you are not inviting her to live with you.

She might need a little reminder next time she starts.

Apolloneuro · 23/06/2024 19:07

SexSectionNameChange · 23/06/2024 19:03

None of her ‘I don’t like’ and ‘I couldn’t live with’ comments matter as you are not inviting her to live with you.

She might need a little reminder next time she starts.

Quite. If you feel so inclined you could always reply with “Well when you buy a house, don’t choose one that’s got a downstairs bathroom.” 😃

ToxicChristmas · 23/06/2024 19:10

That's really rude -some things don't need to be said, even if you think them. Congratulations on your new home! I live in a VERY quirky house which wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but we absolutely love it and that's all that matters.

mybeesarealive · 23/06/2024 19:10

Congrats on the new house. Well done for getting on the ladder. Sounds like your cousin would be better off in a new build. When she buys you can comment on how small it is with no storage, and how far from town, shops, established schools etc.

myfavouritemutant · 23/06/2024 19:14

One of my favourite houses I’ve ever lived in was like this, with the front door straight onto the living room and the only bathroom was downstairs. It was a gorgeous house - such a homely feel and the space I wanted / needed. And it was mine! Ignore her, you’ve done so well and it sounds like you have a lovely home, congratulations.

LakeTiticaca · 23/06/2024 19:15

ignore her. I used to have a terraced house. It opened on to the street but had a little vestibule. The bathroom was upstairs but had taken half of the back bedroom to install. I love my little house.
just enjoy your new home and don't let others drag you down

HaveABlastOfThisMatrix · 23/06/2024 19:17

We live in a home very similar to yours - mid terrace, street parking, downstairs bathroom… and it has real character and we love it. It’s very cosy! I’m sure you’ll be very happy in your new home - many congratulations. Ignore your jealous family member. All the best from one terrace to another! 😁

Justlovedogs · 23/06/2024 19:20

Jealousy is exactly what it is. It makes no odds that you saved and she's gone on holidays, you've got something she wants and can't see past that.
Your little house sounds like a perfect starter home and very similar to my first house. Enjoy you home and sod the rest, is what I say :).

toomanytonotice · 23/06/2024 19:25

When I bought my first flat in my 20’s I had many similar comments.everything from why did I want to tie myself down with a mortgage, to they wouldn’t want to live in a flat with neighbours and no private garden.

10 years later and I’ve upsized having saved a shit ton of money in rent. The same people are now whinging that they’re getting married and can’t afford the 3 bed detached in desirable village. Now apparently I was “lucky” to be able to afford to buy.

my brother’s wife has never visited us. She doesn’t like our house because it’s not a terrace in London like hers.

some people have to put others down to make themselves feel better.

itsgettingweird · 23/06/2024 19:30

If you're really close could you reply jokingly but pointedly?

Something like "ok, I get it. This isnt the type of house you are looking at. So show me some of the ones you are considering putting an offer on"

That way if she isn't in the position to buy yet she may just shut up 😊

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 23/06/2024 19:39

@mynewhome1 just tell her that an englishwoman's home is her castle!! she does not need to visit!

Whatthechicken · 23/06/2024 19:44

Many congratulations on the new house! Enjoy it! Ignore the comments.

Fathomless · 23/06/2024 20:04

Bloody hell, I thought you were going to say she lives in a massive mansion!! It's jealousy and resentment and is quite aj ugly look.

Also. well done on your home, it sounds lovely and just right for you 👏

BeachParty · 23/06/2024 20:20

mynewhome1 · 23/06/2024 18:33

I've recently bought my first house by myself after renting and saving for years. It's a 2 bed terraced house, so by no means a mansion but it's perfect for me and I'm very happy here. It took me years to be able to afford to buy my own home and I'm actually really proud of myself.

My cousin who I'm very close to (no siblings so kind of like a sister) has been making strange comments since I moved in. For example, like a lot of terraced houses, the bathroom is downstairs and she said the other day she couldn't live in a house with that layout. She also mentioned about how the front door opens directly into the living room which apparently doesn't feel safe

and that there isn't any parking and she wouldn't live somewhere without a driveway.

Fair enough, the comments aren't about my house specifically (I don't think), more about terraced houses in general but it just feels a bit, I don't know, bitchy I guess?

I'd love a 5 bed house with multiple bathrooms and a huge driveway but I can't afford that and so I had to buy something within my budget. I also think my house is a lovely first time buyer home. I don’t like using the word “jealous” but that’s how it’s coming across. I know she’s wanted to buy her own house for a long time so maybe she’s disappointed that she’s not in that position yet, but she does prioritise other things though, such as holidays twice a year as where I haven’t been abroad since 2018. There’s nothing wrong with that but most people can’t have everything.

I’m not going to mention it as I don’t want to cause a huge family row, but I do feel quite sad that she’s not happy for me. That’s how it’s coming across anyway and I thought we were really close. I guess I just wanted to vent.

Ugh, just ignore her.
I've had that before
"Oooh, it looks like Coronation Street!"
Yeah whatever 😂
You have your own home, you're happy, you'll always have someone giving an opinion or inadvertantly putting their foot in it 😁
So crack on living your best life

Skyrainlight · 23/06/2024 20:28

She sound jealous and bitchy because of it to me. Just enjoy your new home, you earned it. And take a bit of space from your cousin.

ItsDifficult · 23/06/2024 22:40

Jealous.

I had EXACTLY the same situation with a close friend when I bought my first house!

Gymnopedie · 23/06/2024 23:05

My cousin rents a 2 bed flat from a housing association, but I know she hates the area and the fact she doesn't have a garden for her daughter.

If you really want to shut her up you could make sure to mention how nice it is not to be renting anymore, what a good area it is and how lovely it is to have a garden to sit in when the weather's good.
I admit that would be mean, but you don't have to hit her with all three at once. Just pick one.

TeenLifeMum · 23/06/2024 23:08

Just say, yeah I know you don’t like my house but I bloody love it. Then change the subject.

coldcallerbaiter · 23/06/2024 23:08

If she is not a homeowner and nowhere near being one then it is jealousy. She is not in a 5 bed detached house looking down on you. Pretty transparent.

Avatartar · 23/06/2024 23:13

Perhaps she lives in cloud cuckoo land in that we’d all love a drive, garden, not overlooked, porch, en-suite but in reality these things are £££££ and often out of reach. Is she verbalising that she’s realised she’ll never be in a position to afford her dreams? You’re doing great OP, congratulations on your new home. The best parts of your post are that you love it and you do get on well with your cousin generally.

BeachParty · 23/06/2024 23:14

Gymnopedie · 23/06/2024 23:05

My cousin rents a 2 bed flat from a housing association, but I know she hates the area and the fact she doesn't have a garden for her daughter.

If you really want to shut her up you could make sure to mention how nice it is not to be renting anymore, what a good area it is and how lovely it is to have a garden to sit in when the weather's good.
I admit that would be mean, but you don't have to hit her with all three at once. Just pick one.

I agree with this, I commented earlier but if anyone pulled that now I'd be like I get to sit in my own garden mortgage free, it's all mine
I wouldn't say that but if anyone was being a knob I would be tempted to!

Hope202204 · 02/10/2024 15:38

Definitely agree with jealous comments! I lived in my house for 2 years now, it’s 3 bed end terrace with old layout of bathroom downstairs and I bought it by myself and stil get comments, thankfully not from my family or friends, but it’s always the same - ‘Why do you need so many bedrooms if you don’t plan to have a family’ or sometimes a positive comment that sounds very judgemental, like a dig at me that I managed this by myself - ‘Must be nice to have all this space to yourself’. Well yes it is and it’s no one business that I spend last 10 years making a lot of sacrifices in my life to achieve this! So please be happy and very proud of yourself, it’s an amazing achievement to be on property ladder especially when you did it alone! Enjoy the house, I’m loving going home now 🫶🏻

PorridgeEater · 24/10/2024 22:15

Take no notice of her.

coxesorangepippin · 24/10/2024 22:21

When we moved into our new house (which I love) SIL was really scathing about it. Oh there's too many windows, it's too light, etc 🤔

It really put me off her

ItsDifficult · 26/10/2024 10:56

I had the same situation with a friend ...

I was very lucky to buy my first house, on my own, when I was 23 (I'd been made redundant and, at the time it was enough money for the deposit).

It was a terrace house on the estate where I was brought up.

My friend criticised everything about it, despite it being exactly the same as the house that she was living in with her parents (just a few streets away).

She was happy to want to come back there after we'd all been out for the night though!

A bit of green eyed monster I believe!