AIBU on how much freedom to give a 5 year old??

[Ladyinpink11]

Hi all, my son has just turned 5 and is wonderful, but very rambunctious and wild. We live in a lovely village with a big green space that's used by everyone, dogs, families, for picnics etc, fringed by a little forest. Whenever we go there he'll run off with the other kids and the problem is I completely panic as soon as I can't see him anymore - any other parent seems fine with this and presumes they'll return eventually. There's a small stream of water as well and the forest is big...Am I AIBU to think that in this age you still have to watch them?? I feel like such a fool running after him but I can't help myself. But also don't want to be that overbearing parent.

At 5 I’d be following too. You can let him go where you can see him, but not into the woods or around water.

God no, don’t let him go, the other parents are fools.

Sounds idyllic and that maybe there are a range of ages. However with a stream I'd be keeping a close eye and in general, if anything was to happen, would you think 'I should have?'

Are the other kids also 5 or are they a range of ages? If there are older, responsible ones I'd be a bit more relaxed.

This is a culture thing though, I'm not from the UK originally so I'm usually way off most mumsnetters in things like this

At 5 I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

You're not overbearing imo. At 5, my dc never left my sight. If we went to a park or a playground I'd be watching them the whole time. I often saw parents of far younger children, engrossed on their phone or chatting to someone whilst their child disappeared from sight. I honestly couldn't be like this.

I would want a 5yo either in sight, or in an enclosed area I knew was safe. Open water out of sight? No.

Anyway, you have to parent your way, sod the other parents.

I suppose it may depend on your specific child, who they’re with etc, but I don’t think I let my children out of my sight in public at that age, unless at a soft play or something of course. Could be anyone around, and especially with a forest and stream.
I think you go with your intuition.

How sensible is your child? Personally I'd talk to mine in advance and set some rules about not going out of sight, then if she did yes i would probably be going to get her back. Sounds a bit risky with a stream and a forest where they may get lost. I think my daughter is pretty sensible, but accidents can still happen and bad people exist so it's a balance.

Also how sensible is your ds? Would he obey a hard rule like "never play near the stream". Or would he forget it, or break it if other kids are? Does he come back when you yell his name, even if he's having fun?

My dd learned from a tiny age the rule "never cross the yellow line" on train station platforms... people used to stare disapprovingly when she was 2yo because I didn't always hold her hand. But she's a black and white thinker when it comes to rules like that, she'd never break it.

You know your kid.

At this age of course you have to watch them. Anything could happen when they are out of sight

Haha I keep cross posting with pps

I'd have to make sure I could see him all the time. It's just lazy parenting to let them wander off.

Nope at that age I wouldn’t. Better safe than sorry- my DS is 8 and I want to be able to see him whenever we’re out. Whether that makes me overbearing I don’t know but it only takes a minute for something bad to happen.

I would want to be able to see him at all times, you can't expect a 5 year old to be responsible and always make good choices they're just little kids.

5 is too little to be out of sight & even if the kids he's running round with are a little older, it's not fair or sensible to put responsibility on them to watch your DC.

As PP said, I'd put clear boundaries in place - you need to be able to see me/to the edge of the woods but no further etc and enforce them with consequences if they are broken.

I'm not a helicopter parent but at 5 you need to have eyes on IMO.

It depends how big the little forest is. As big as a suburban garden, fine, but I think the stream makes it not ok.

There's a middle ground to be had here. Can you sit and picnic somewhere nearer the stream so the kids are insight but you are not on top of them and involved in their play?

I had a very free childhood and like the idea of my child having the same. But five is still too young for disappearing out of sight in my opinion, so I’d be the same as you!

Also - how old are the other kids?

They're the same age!! That's the thing - none of them are older but I get the feeling the parents think they're more sensible than my little boy is.

It's fine. Ignore the other parents in your decision making

They are the same age..... And my little one gets so excited and caught up in the moment, he would probably take his shoes off and splash in the stream (I really do try my hardest to instil a bit more sensible behaviour but we have an issue with listening ears at the moment 🤔) same @Mumoftwo1316 I've grown up abroad and would like to give him more freedom but he's so wild and adventurous I feel I just can't take the risk!

@brightpompoms that's what I try and do. As long as I can see him I'm fine but the sweats of panic set in as soon as I can't see him. I'm so glad that all you guys don't think I'm mental and that it's normal to watch them closely at this age!

I have a very adventurous just turned 5 year old. I wouldn’t let him run off unseen with a group of other 5 year olds, especially near a stream or woods. He would 100% go paddling or climb a tree. Absolutely fine for him to do that when I can see him or he is with an older child that I know (for example, he has an 11 year old cousin and if we go with him, I am more comfortable because they know to stick together).