Page 3 | AIBU on how much freedom to give a 5 year old??

Ladyinpink11 · 2024-06-23T07:32:47+00:00

Hi all, my son has just turned 5 and is wonderful, but very rambunctious and wild. We live in a lovely village with a big green space that's used by everyone, dogs, families, for picnics etc, fringed by a little forest. Whenever we go there he'll run off with the other kids and the problem is I completely panic as soon as I can't see him anymore - any other parent seems fine with this and presumes they'll return eventually. There's a small stream of water as well and the forest is big...Am I AIBU to think that in this age you still have to watch them?? I feel like such a fool running after him but I can't help myself. But also don't want to be that overbearing parent.

newtlover · 23/06/2024 11:29

My dd learned from a tiny age the rule "never cross the yellow line" on train station platforms... people used to stare disapprovingly when she was 2yo because I didn't always hold her hand. But she's a black and white thinker when it comes to rules like that, she'd never break it.
@Mumoftwo1316
people were not staring disapprovingly, they are calculating how far away they were from your daughter and how quickly they could grab her if she randomly thought in shades of grey
a 2yo is not developmentally capable of sticking to an absolute rule, 100% of the time- trust her to stick to some rules, like 'no biscuits unless mummy says so' or 'don't play with daddy's phone'- where the consequences are trivial. Don't trust her to keep herself safe when the consequences might be fatal.
Not a cultural issue, a psychological one.

keeptryinggirl · 23/06/2024 11:33

newtlover · 23/06/2024 11:29

My dd learned from a tiny age the rule "never cross the yellow line" on train station platforms... people used to stare disapprovingly when she was 2yo because I didn't always hold her hand. But she's a black and white thinker when it comes to rules like that, she'd never break it.
@Mumoftwo1316
people were not staring disapprovingly, they are calculating how far away they were from your daughter and how quickly they could grab her if she randomly thought in shades of grey
a 2yo is not developmentally capable of sticking to an absolute rule, 100% of the time- trust her to stick to some rules, like 'no biscuits unless mummy says so' or 'don't play with daddy's phone'- where the consequences are trivial. Don't trust her to keep herself safe when the consequences might be fatal.
Not a cultural issue, a psychological one.

this

they didn’t know how you had taught your daughter FGS

i would have seen this and my heart will have been racing ready to pounce

Marblessolveeverything · 23/06/2024 11:38

I would like eyes on him.Perhaps if there is a forest school or scouts etc might give him structured safer space to be adventurous?

Original poster

Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 11:52

Createausername1970 · 23/06/2024 09:03

I think the peskiest kids also have teleportation powers.

I agree wholeheartedly 😂

OP posts:

mollyfolk · 23/06/2024 12:21

I wouldn’t be walking around after him- I’d watch from a distance, know where they are in relation to the stream, keep them in sight but from further away than a 3 year old say. I definitely wouldn’t let him run off into a forest with a stream.

WittyFatball · 23/06/2024 13:16

I'm fairly laid back about this kind of thing and don't feel I have to have my 5 year old in sight at all times - quite happy for her to run off and play in a park that has some wooded areas for example - but no chance would I let an excitable child out of sight in a large forest near water.

WittyFatball · 23/06/2024 13:18

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 08:39

Also how sensible is your ds? Would he obey a hard rule like "never play near the stream". Or would he forget it, or break it if other kids are? Does he come back when you yell his name, even if he's having fun?

My dd learned from a tiny age the rule "never cross the yellow line" on train station platforms... people used to stare disapprovingly when she was 2yo because I didn't always hold her hand. But she's a black and white thinker when it comes to rules like that, she'd never break it.

You know your kid.

This is pretty ridiculous - it's your job as a parent to keep your tiny child alive, not give her the option of making a fatal mistake and hope for the best "but we told her the rule!!"

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 14:28

As I say, you know your own child.

My dd is not 2 any more... she's still never shown an inclination to jump off a station platform! And I'm always in dart-and-grab distance.

It's like a pp said, sometimes kids are capable of more understanding than you think. And sometimes they rise to your expectations too.

But you know your own child. If you have a bolter, or one who doesn't understand warnings or rules, then you need different strategies

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 14:30

Once a kid lost their balloon onto the track and she said no no you can't try and get it. She understands how a train could run you over.

So if I were op, I'd strongly impress on my child how dangerous playing near water is.

Original poster

Ladyinpink11 · 23/06/2024 20:06

Thank you all so much for your replies! I'm really glad that so many agree with me and that I'm not being too strict.

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 23/06/2024 20:26

Way too young for what you describe. The other parents seem irresponsible.

Tracey123097 · 23/06/2024 22:41

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 14:28

As I say, you know your own child.

My dd is not 2 any more... she's still never shown an inclination to jump off a station platform! And I'm always in dart-and-grab distance.

It's like a pp said, sometimes kids are capable of more understanding than you think. And sometimes they rise to your expectations too.

But you know your own child. If you have a bolter, or one who doesn't understand warnings or rules, then you need different strategies

I really don't understand post like these where ppl insist that a child is capable of more understanding then we are aware of as has been said or some children are more responsible and we know our kids capabilities. This is utter nonsense. Children don't get into difficulties because they aren't the child you think or they aren't good or responsible, they get into difficulties because a situation that aren't equipped to deal with might occure and they don't know how to react. Happens to responsible adults. Stop being lazy and watch your kids so you don't have to find out if they know what to do... grown men are going missing and ending up dead for crying out loud.

AgeGapBbe · 23/06/2024 22:41

newtlover · 23/06/2024 11:29

My dd learned from a tiny age the rule "never cross the yellow line" on train station platforms... people used to stare disapprovingly when she was 2yo because I didn't always hold her hand. But she's a black and white thinker when it comes to rules like that, she'd never break it.
@Mumoftwo1316
people were not staring disapprovingly, they are calculating how far away they were from your daughter and how quickly they could grab her if she randomly thought in shades of grey
a 2yo is not developmentally capable of sticking to an absolute rule, 100% of the time- trust her to stick to some rules, like 'no biscuits unless mummy says so' or 'don't play with daddy's phone'- where the consequences are trivial. Don't trust her to keep herself safe when the consequences might be fatal.
Not a cultural issue, a psychological one.

Exactly. You were lucky newtlover, it was nothing to do with good judgement or good parenting.