AIBU on how much freedom to give a 5 year old??

[Ladyinpink11]

Hi all, my son has just turned 5 and is wonderful, but very rambunctious and wild. We live in a lovely village with a big green space that's used by everyone, dogs, families, for picnics etc, fringed by a little forest. Whenever we go there he'll run off with the other kids and the problem is I completely panic as soon as I can't see him anymore - any other parent seems fine with this and presumes they'll return eventually. There's a small stream of water as well and the forest is big...Am I AIBU to think that in this age you still have to watch them?? I feel like such a fool running after him but I can't help myself. But also don't want to be that overbearing parent.

They must be supervised at 5. Anyone who is not doing this is asking for trouble.

I feel your stress. I had one like this. Would disappear in the time it took to blink. Drove me mad, I was constantly having to search him out.

If i had known about them 17 years ago - assuming they were actually a thing back then - I would make him wear an air tag wrist band.

I would still have been searching him out on a regular basis, but at least I would know where to start!

Even if they are the most sensible child in the world, I still wouldn’t let a 5 year old run off into a forest with a stream without me (or anywhere out of my sight!)

Five year olds brains don’t do logic. I remember the “discussion” I had with my friends very smart little boy when he told me ( insisted) that cartoon characters were real people. When you are up against that sort of thinking then as an adult you have to be the one taking charge.

Don't lower your own standards because of the others lack of supervision
I'd not be letting mine off unseen at that age either

I think the peskiest kids also have teleportation powers.

I take my 5 year old to a park with a strip of woods either side. They are allowed in the woods, but they aren't allowed out the other side. I have to trust them that they'll stick to that boundary.

Re. The stream, it depends- is it shallow or deep! Fast or slow? If it's ankle deep and reliably slow, why not let him paddle but teach him how to do it safely? Or ask him to tell you first? Can you talk to him about the dangers and how to keep himself safe.

Go straight home when he breaks the rules, and he'll only test them once or twice.

I'd work on tricky people/body safety rules as well.

I would not let a 5 year old out of my sight.

Exactly. 5 is too young for any real freedom

At 5 with a stream. Not a chance.

I let my kids out at that age, but not near open water or busy roads.

i think your attitude is correct

That's it , he's not very sensible and will forget all about rules when he's having fun 🙈My friends little girl however will just obey rules and would never stray out of sight!

Oh my goodness yes exactly!! The second I turn my back he's gone. Like disappeared out of sight. I can only hope this gets better as it's driving me insane sometimes 😂I've seriously considered an air tag!

Yes I want them within sight.

It doesn't matter how responsible other older kids are a 5 year old is only the responsibility of their adult in charge and no one else. I had a friend who a few times would try to send our kids off alone to play or get a drink or an ice cream at the park because my daughter was older, and I said no to this every time. She would roll her eyes but these types roll their eyes untill something goes wrong then they blame the world when something goes wrong . My child might be older and of course as responsible as she can be but she can't take action in a serious emergency or be expected to know what to do she's a child herself.

Mines 5 in a couple of weeks and I wouldn't let him out of sight around water, no way.

My parents’ friend’s son ended up brain damaged when he was 5 and fell into a woodland stream. He’s 32 now and has needed round the clock care since the accident. It will never be worth it in my opinion.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! That's it, it can happen in the blink of an eye and even if you are super careful. Sending love to your friend and her son!

5???? i can’t believe you’re even asking

eyes in him at all times in a forest and with water

Thanks, I'm so glad you say that! I honestly thought it's me being a helicopter parent!

but even if you were op

who cares

your child 🤷

@Tracey123097 very true! You can't expect another kid to take responsibility!

I never let my 5yo out of my sight. The moment I can't see him, even if he's turned a street corner before me, results in me shouting for him to return so he's visible. Even when he's up playing in his room, if it's gone quiet, I'll check on him. 5 is very young, and 5yos are very impulsive. 5yos break bones whilst out playing all the time (I've seen enough of them in a&e). A severely broken bone can kill quickly. So can a bump to the head or a misadventure into water. Don't feel pressured to comply, you're doing the right thing in ensuring your child is safe.

Depends on the setting. I wouldn't keep a 5 year old in full sight if we were playing out on a field with bushes, or on a child play park, or in the woods if they were with other children and I had explained acceptable perimeters. I would just sit down somewhere so they knew where they were and then check where they are sporadically. If there was a body of water I would keep them in sight though unless there was a fence separating us from the water. . Most 5 year olds are more capable then we give them credit.