To have found this a bit patronising?

[Odetomyfamily11]

On a dating app. I know it probably sounds like I am being really picky, I'm just so done with men ATM and can't trust them.

Anyway I've been talking to a guy and he asked what languages I speak. I said English and then that I'd studied X language at uni and taught myself some of Y language too.

He's replied 'Wow, look at you teaching yourself a language, how proactive of you, well done!"

Like I'm sure it's well-intentioned but it just feels slightly patronising and a bit like, oh look a little woman teaching herself something and using her brain, wow isn't that impressive.

Not sure I'm overthinking it?

Yes

Yes, you’re over thinking it.

I don't know, there's something slightly off about it. Like giving me a huge pat on the back as if women don't usually do anything like that.

I'm just so done with men ATM and can't trust them

i think this is clouding your thinking a bit.

Why is your assumption that he means women don’t usually do anything like that?

I agree open.
Reply with ‘What languages do you speak?’
If he answers more than one language, use the exact same reply that he did to you.
If he says only one language, reply with ‘ Oh wow look at you not able to teach yourself a language, never mind.’
His reaction to being spoken to the same way he spoke to you will tell you everything you need to know.
Personally unless he apologised and admitted he was being a dick I would ghost him.

I actually feel sorry for men with these attitudes.

If you’re done with men at the moment and can’t trust them, is now a good time to be using dating apps?

The phrasing is condescending as fuck. I'm sure you'd have thought nothing of it if he'd said, "Oh wow, you taught yourself [language Y]? That's impressive!"

I think this is one of those occasions where it would have been better to judge in real life - some things really do miss the mark when tapping.

He sounds like a twat to me

bored why?
Can you explain what is wrong with talking to someone in the exact manner in which they talk to you?

If you feel like you can’t stand men at the moment then maybe stop trying to look for one for a while. You’re going in with a negative mindset so they don’t really get a fair chance do they.
To be honest this guy just sounds like he didn’t know what else to say. Trying to converse with strangers, who you want to impress, by message is so awkward and really hard sometimes. I hated OLD for this reason alone.

That’s not speaking to him the same at all.

Saying ‘oh wow look at you not being able to teach yourself another language’ is a clear insult.

Not even remotely the same.

I'd put this down to text speaking and the fact you can't get the tone of something thats said in a text. If he had said it in a conversation you might not have even gave it a second thought.

He could just be impressed you speak 3 languages. Most people don't speak multiple languages.

He could also be impressed by your motivation and dedication to self teaching.

Don't find anything condescending about his words.

You probably should unmatch though.

Yeah I agree it could be patronising, or sarcasm?
Definitely jarring. Reading it I cam hear it in my head and picture a number of people saying it.

I have noticed a lot of younger guys who are gay/camp/slightly effeminate do this as part of their presentation....compliments never seem genuine, always back handed or sarcastic. Like jealous maybe.

Was he hoping you've old say none and then he would say I speak X?

He spoke 2 languages himself.

He could simply just be having banter... v difficult to know when it's a written conversation from someone you don't know.

I'd reply with something like....I know...managed to learn it whilst doing dishes, scrubbing floors n ironing clothes..who said women can't multi task eh! Get into the spirit of the banter!

Def think you're overthinking this.

I think it sounds like he's trying to be chatty and complimentary. I can see why it might sound patronising and off, it's something that could be read in a sarcastic tone.

You sound hard work. Massively over thinking this

It doesn't sound that bad. But I agree with a PP is does sound like a bit of a twat, like what else is he going to come out with type thing?

Also OP it’s not that common that people teach themselves a new language. No idea why you think that’s got anything to Do with being a woman. Don’t interpret everything negatively, you haven’t even met him yet. Maybr he is a genuine nice person who thought it was impressive.

Yes I would find that condescending.