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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have found this a bit patronising?

55 replies

Odetomyfamily11 · 23/06/2024 07:07

On a dating app. I know it probably sounds like I am being really picky, I'm just so done with men ATM and can't trust them.

Anyway I've been talking to a guy and he asked what languages I speak. I said English and then that I'd studied X language at uni and taught myself some of Y language too.

He's replied 'Wow, look at you teaching yourself a language, how proactive of you, well done!"

Like I'm sure it's well-intentioned but it just feels slightly patronising and a bit like, oh look a little woman teaching herself something and using her brain, wow isn't that impressive.

Not sure I'm overthinking it?

OP posts:
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 23/06/2024 08:19

It's a bit like when you go for a run or bike ride and someone says well done - it is meant from a good place so l wouldn't overthink it

VolvoFan · 23/06/2024 08:21

SearchBedSocksNearMe · 23/06/2024 08:05

I'd probably give him a chance although it does sound a little patronising. It's a tone men tend to use on women rather than other men. Can't imagine Dave in the pub sharing that he's taught himself German and Pete saying "Wow, look at you teaching yourself a language, how proactive of you, well done!"

I've been driving for 40+ years and I'm a confident driver. If we ever go anywhere with my inlaws and I drive, FIL without fail will say "Well done duck" when we reach our destination. He does not do this when DH drives. Difficult to see it as anything other than patronising.

Your FIL is probably just used to his son driving. My MIL used to be similar as she would stare at me getting in the car to drive home after visiting DH's parents. I took it initially as her preferring her son driving. She probably still stares at me but I don't take any notice anymore.

Sillystrumpet · 23/06/2024 08:23

You’re over thinking it. Why are you dating if you’re done with it, what’s the point of that. If you’re doing it and finding daft reasons like this not to. Stop wasting peoples time.

queenmeadhbh · 23/06/2024 20:56

Is he a bot?? Who speaks like that?!

ThisLivelyRaven · 17/12/2024 21:22

I’m wondering if you have some previous trauma / issues with past relationships you haven’t dealt with as to me (without knowing the entire back story) sounds like you’re on the defensive looking for reasons to not date this person (or any other person) if this rings true…. Take some time to yourself, deal with your issues and then when you’re ready look back at dating

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