AIBU not to be questioned by a&e staff over an injury that happened to child 15 years ago?

[HorribleTime]

Long story short, terrible accident when DS was a baby.
He fell and had a subdural haemorrhage and needed emergency surgery.
It was an awful time and even though there were no retinal bleeds to indicate shaken baby, we still had to ensure a full social services report which nearly made me have a breakdown.
It was all closed very quickly and he had no lasting damage / all milestones met so I’ve tried very hard to forget about it.
Sadly, he had to attend a&e yesterday due to a sporting injury I was concerned re concussion so I gave the doctor the history as the bump was on the same side as his original scar etc which worried me more.
He asked a whole tonne of questions in front of DS who obviously knows what happened but thinks like “ well it must have been a very high drop “ - it actually wasn’t - it was explained to us at the time that because he was under a year old that the side of the head is still quite soft hence the bleed but with no fracture.

He then nodded along to this, did some observations and sent him for an X-ray ( arm as slightly swollen due to the fall ) and on his return asked if he suffered any “ deficit “ since the injury as a baby.

I started feeling myself become tearful and said that all checks showed he was developing at a normal rate but he does have dyslexia ( I’ve always worried this was caused by the injury in some way or marked as dyslexia and it was in fact related in some way ) and he then asked what hospital he was seen at and if he was taken to a major trauma unit.

I couldn’t read him and have been overthinking it ever since.

I assumed all hospitals were now linked so thought every a&e doctor could see anything they wanted to so I don’t understand all the questions.

At the end he went to hand me a head injury leaflet and then said “ you probably know all this after having such a shock before “ which sounded kind but I am left feeling like he was scrutinising me and I don’t know why.

DS is 15, not 5 - he speaks for himself and answered all the usual questions himself so I can’t see why all the questions were asked.

Not sure why I’m asking here but DH thinks I am paranoid after what happened so I don’t have anyone else to let this out to 😢

You are a great mum. You did exactly the right thing telling the doctor about the history even though it is painful for you.

I’ve had brain surgery and any head trauma they need to know what is new - for example I have epilepsy from it so an epileptic fit won’t mean new damage from current issue. (The 111 people sometimes sound surprised if I have a bump and then say yes as it isn’t that common.)

Yoi had a good doctor. There are bits I don’t remember even though I was as an adult so I have some notes at home which is useful when I sign up with a new GP or need to see someone at hospital. Maybe you can talk to your son and write something up. It might help answer some of his questions. Mine also has other regular things like year I had my appendix out.

You seem to be assuming that the doctor can access your sons records from a different hospital from 15 years ago - I dont think thats true.
From what you wrote he was checking your sons medical history which does obviously include his injury.
It sounds like you carry a lot of guilt for what happened back then and it triggers you on top of the scare you have had with the current injury. Perhaps a bit of therapy would help.

All hospitals aren’t linked, only if they’re the same Trust I think.
But yes, he was probably asking the appropriate questions but maybe not sensitively and you are obviously still sensitive to the experience.
I took DS to minor injuries/a&e a few times he skateboarded and often got injured (luckily never badly but broke thumb and had a few sprains) and he was always asked himself how he got an injury and once we had a bit of a laugh with a nice nurse who said he averaged out one x-ray per year over a few years. A good bedside manner helps a lot.

even then it depends and old records may not be on there.

The doctor was just doing their job by finding out all relevant information. Your son may be old enough to speak for himself now but you’re the right person to ask about the previous injury as he wasn’t old enough then to be able to remember all the details now. I feel for you but honestly you’re being too sensitive and overthinking it.

@TheKoalaWhoCould you can actually access entire records on our system. But you'd get sacked if you have no reason to do it.

There are many people with ‘hidden disabilities’ OP and he would have been very ableist (and not thorough) to assume none just because your son came in walking and talking.

Don’t be daft!

Op, even if the doctor could see the previous medical records, they wouldn’t be all that detailed. It would say, subdural haemorrhage, specify the type of op, prob that it was a drop and flag up safeguarding at the time. It wouldn’t go into details. I’m not even sure if all hospital letters from that time would be on the patients electronic records. I started working in a GP surgery about 20 years ago and at that time the doctors just used to read the letters and give us a couple of sentences to add to the paper notes. None of the letters were scanned on or came through electronically. It started happening around that time, but was a gradual thing. Even now, there will only be a summary on your electronic records from events before then. They’ve been talking for years about scanning the full historic paper records, but it hasn’t happened yet, at least not where I am.

That’s so tough op. I completely understand your feelings. Our first fell off the bed , partner was beside her but turned away for a split second and she managed to roll for the first time off. We got an awful fright and thankfully no injures but could have had a bleed like your guy only by pure luck she didn’t. We were told it happens commonly to babies. Obviously not a comfort in that you more worry about your own but equally you are not the only one where an accident has happened by any stretch and the doctor wanted to hear off you probably to be sure of the answers. I know my medical notes have often had ridiculous mistakes in them and my consultant likes to ask directly because of this. I have had my notes amended but she still likes to hear answers from the patient. It’s very hard getting the past pulled up when it’s a hard subject but definitely relevant in this case.

He did the right thing but i understand why you feel upset. Neither of you are unreasonable. I don't think his bedside manner sounded poor either.

My niece is left handed - the only one in the family who is
Even at her unborn scans she was “favouring” her left hand and both the person doing the (private) ultrasounds and, later the health visitor, told my sister that genetics play a large part in determining whether we are right handed or left handed.
Your son was likely born left handed.

As regards dyslexia, again that is predominantly through genetics.

You are right, you will never definitely know whether the accident changed anything long term about your son but it is very very unlikely that left handedness and dyslexia was caused by his accident.

You also never know what the alternative life might have been for him - it could be worse.
A friend of mine was late on the school run years ago because her daughter wouldn’t get up. They were 10 minutes late leaving and my friend was furious. However there was a massive car pile up with deaths and major injuries at the point where they would have been if they had left on time. Even if one thing has gone wrong in life, we don’t know if the alternative would have been worse.

My point is, “what ifs” don’t work and are useless thinking about. You don’t know how life would have panned out if something had been different. If your son hadn’t had that accident and hadn’t been in hospital then you don’t know what would have happened instead. Might have been absolutely fine, might have been in an accident elsewhere, etc

Things happen. We can’t always help that. They make us who we are but that’s not a bad thing. We have to see the good in things and we have to try to accept the things we cannot change

With love ... Your DH is right.

Dyslexia and lefthandedness and ADHD etc etc are inherited. Genetic. Not 'caused' by accidents, diet, vaccines, parenting bla bla bla. Genetic. Let. It. Go.

And I think you mention there's ADHD in your family, including yourself, so you may well be feeling so bad because of that. There's a thing called rejection sensitivity that might be in play.

The doctor was literally doing his job. If he hadn't, he'd be neglecting his duty of care to a patient, a child.

Sadly the NHS is creaking and so often the different bits aren't joined up. Sometimes the best source of info is the patient/parent! Hence him needing to ensure any blank bits were filled in.

You're wildly over thinking this. I do hope you can get more therapy and support for the trauma you must have been through as a mum; feeling guilt can stay with us even when it's long past - and not ours to feel.

@HorribleTime I doubt myself for even telling him now but I couldn’t not when asked “ Any history we should be aware of? “ as it felt relevant obviously being his head

You feel that you perhaps shouldnt have told the doctor about the previous injury? Where does that come from? Fear of feeling like a bad mother who damaged her son? Fear of looking like a bad mother to that doctor? There must be something pretty strong behind that!

You talk a lot about potential damage the injury could have caused, that must be hard to live with. Have you actually looked into whether an injury can cause left-handedness or dyslexia? Is that worry based on something or is is just a worry you cant get rid of? Do you think being left handed is bad?

I don't think there would have been any intention to upset you. After all, this first event occurred when he was a baby, and you've now re-appeared with an otherwise healthy, normal 15yo in tow.
I think all the doctor was doing was collecting a full medical history. Remember, he doesn't know you from Adam. He needs to gather all the potentially relevant information quickly and without beating around the bush. If the current head bump had been really serious, he needs to get to the information as quickly as possible - delays and quibbling parents could delay treatment, or even cause the wrong treatment to be given.

This has opened up an old, traumatic wound for you. I think you are normal to have felt triggered. But I don't think that's the doctors problem, and they didn't have any ulterior motive.