AIBU not to be questioned by a&e staff over an injury that happened to child 15 years ago?

[HorribleTime]

Long story short, terrible accident when DS was a baby.
He fell and had a subdural haemorrhage and needed emergency surgery.
It was an awful time and even though there were no retinal bleeds to indicate shaken baby, we still had to ensure a full social services report which nearly made me have a breakdown.
It was all closed very quickly and he had no lasting damage / all milestones met so I’ve tried very hard to forget about it.
Sadly, he had to attend a&e yesterday due to a sporting injury I was concerned re concussion so I gave the doctor the history as the bump was on the same side as his original scar etc which worried me more.
He asked a whole tonne of questions in front of DS who obviously knows what happened but thinks like “ well it must have been a very high drop “ - it actually wasn’t - it was explained to us at the time that because he was under a year old that the side of the head is still quite soft hence the bleed but with no fracture.

He then nodded along to this, did some observations and sent him for an X-ray ( arm as slightly swollen due to the fall ) and on his return asked if he suffered any “ deficit “ since the injury as a baby.

I started feeling myself become tearful and said that all checks showed he was developing at a normal rate but he does have dyslexia ( I’ve always worried this was caused by the injury in some way or marked as dyslexia and it was in fact related in some way ) and he then asked what hospital he was seen at and if he was taken to a major trauma unit.

I couldn’t read him and have been overthinking it ever since.

I assumed all hospitals were now linked so thought every a&e doctor could see anything they wanted to so I don’t understand all the questions.

At the end he went to hand me a head injury leaflet and then said “ you probably know all this after having such a shock before “ which sounded kind but I am left feeling like he was scrutinising me and I don’t know why.

DS is 15, not 5 - he speaks for himself and answered all the usual questions himself so I can’t see why all the questions were asked.

Not sure why I’m asking here but DH thinks I am paranoid after what happened so I don’t have anyone else to let this out to 😢

Maybe his manner was a little brusk- all a and e drs are overstretched, but I’m sure he just wanted to be thorough and make sure he’s not missing anything. My son had meningitis aged 8 weeks and is not under multiple hospitals and no the notes aren’t shared - grrrr! Aged 5 months it was going he has fluid all surrounding his brain which can be caused by meningitis but can also be caused by head injury so we had to have all these checks and investigations too. It is really stressful but I’m sure All is ok xxx

His job is to get all the information and sadly doctors don't really have the time to build rapport and be sensitive about these kind of issues. Thinking about what happened is obviously very upsetting for you and understandably it will bring up lots of emotions. From what you’ve said he doesn’t sound like he was questioning you in an accusatory way.
Developmental dyslexia is very very common, especially in families with neurodiversity. Trauma induced dyslexia is very rare. Even if it was related (which I’d bet my house it isn’t) it’s not the end of the world. I’m dyslexic and so are half my family, I wouldn’t change it if I could.

Being lefthanded is a super power, and most lefthanded people are very creative! I can attest to that! 😁 Don’t worry OP, your DS will be fine, please don’t worry so much. Take care!

I had to take my 10yo dd to a&e last year and they asked her about possible abuse. In a child appropriate way. I think its part of procedure

Agree with your dh I'm afraid.

You brought up the previous injury because you thought it was relevant. The doctor was just doing their job in following up asking how that affected your child, if at all.

Having been treated in 3 different hospitals in recent years, I can say they definitely don't have access to all records, or GP notes (although discharge letters/treatment plans are forwarded to GP and added to my notes).

I'm glad you're getting help @HorribleTime but you do need to be kinder to yourself and forgive yourself for an accident that happened so long ago

I am very touched by you all taking the time to reply

I haven’t slept much at all and have cried on and off a lot last night having terrible flashbacks of it all

I doubt myself for even telling him now but I couldn’t not when asked “ Any history we should be aware of? “ as it felt relevant obviously being his head

My son asked on the way back if this is why he struggles at school and I just have been replaying that over and over although as I said my husband and other child are autistic and DH has very strong dyslexia traits too - it just wasn’t diagnosed in schools when we were younger as much as nowadays.

I have just always worried that a bleed on the brain and surgery has likely left some mark somewhere and whilst I wouldn’t change DS for the world, I’ll never know if that accident has affected him in some way even down to him being left handed.

I know I have to to let this go - I just don’t know how to 😢

The “ Any deficit? “ question has spun me into a frenzy as he saw DS walking in, talking etc so I don’t know what deficit he thought may be there

There could be any number of deficits that a walking, talking child could experience. They could also affect the obs for concussion I'm guessing so he needed to know your son's baseline.

Think back to that horrible time when he was a baby - what would you have given to know that at 15 he'd be healthy and sporty. Anything I'm guessing, you'd have given anything. You've all done tremendously.

Sounds like a good hospital. In my local hospital, when I pointed out symptoms that had nearly killed me twice before I was ignored.

No, assaulted by the parents.

I get why it worried you OP but please don't be. Hospitals (and GP's) don't have access to all records. For many adults, a lot of their record will still be on paper and I believe there is no plan to migrate them. For information I gave myself a scare recently and phoned 111 and they asked permission, which I gave, to add the information to my GP record.

He was being observed after a concussion. They need to know all about the previous head injury in great detail for two reasons ; because multiple head injuries over time can compound issues, and because if they noticed any cognitive deficits then they very much need to know if that is normal for your son or if it’s a new symptom following the concussion.
I think the dr was probably a little taken aback by the seriousness of the first head injury but was trying to remain professional and not comment on it beyond what needed to be asked and said in the context of your son’s concussion. And hiding that shock made them come across as difficult to read which has made you feel anxious, understandably.

That's why he asked. He's seeing a snapshot of a complete stranger and needed to gather all the information he could

What a load of bollocks.

Dyslexia and autism are 2 separate conditions.

They can be comorbidities but dyslexia isn't autism.

There are also statistics to show that even though both have a strong genetic component, early traumas can be caused by environmental issues which therefore create conditions similarly to dyslexia/autism/adhd, and therefore are also likely to be diagnosed as such because head traumas change the way our brain works.

The OP is unlikely to have caused her sons dyslexia from the head injury, just the same as I'm not likely to have caused my sons autism from having a C section but the rates for diagnoses in both groups are higher than in those with no head traumas, or vaginally birthed with no complications.

affected him in some way even down to him being left handed.

you’ve mentioned this twice in your posts. Why are you constantly worrying about him being left handed? What’s the problem with being left handed?

I agree with this. Obviously it was upsetting for you to have to relive that traumatic time. And your son doesn't remember what happened do only you can answer questions about what happened when he was injured as a baby. So you either need to put it behind you if you can. If not maybe some counselling would help.

No he wasn't. Don't be daft.

I know it’s scary thinking his accident may have damaged his brain in some irreparable way. But brains, particularly in very young children, are also adaptable. There is actually a treatment for particularly severe epilepsy that involves removing half of a child’s brain (the half causing the seizures). Those kids do ok. Their remaining brain tissue adapts and builds new neural connections to compensate for what has been lost. So it’s entirely possible that even if some brain tissue was irreparably damaged during your son’s accident, the rest of his healthy brain tissue compensated and built connections a little differently and so he has no deficits from the accident.

To give another example, neuroscientists have found that blind people (and blind animals) use areas of the brain normally associated with visual processing to process audio input, in addition to the areas normally associated with audio processing.

Hi OP, the doctor was doing his job thoroughly and properly, sounds like a good doctor you got there. I'm so sorry for the trauma you went through when your boy was a baby, that sounds so frightening. What happened to him definitely wouldn't have caused his dyslexia and most definitely not his left handedness either. Children start to show their dominant hand before age one, not when writing of course but in terms of picking things up. I hope you are ok. You are a good mother and did nothing wrong. Sometimes horrible accidents happen, and that is literally what they are, and accident, no ones fault xx

I think the Dr was just being thorough, my baby was in an incubator the first night of his life and they still ask me about that when we go into hospital so I don't think it was a judgement on you x

PPs explain the lack of medical records in such a matter of fact way as if it’s ok. It is appalling that our complete medical records aren’t available. If it is important for them to have information for events that happened 15 years ago then you’d think they’d want accurate information - what medical professionals recorded at the time rather than the memory of a mum who is already on edge due to her child’s current issue.

I honestly think people have got so used to how shit our health service is they are not only blind to it but feel the need to make ridiculous excuses for it.

Of course its not ok. I was in the NHS and one of my final jobs was to be involved in one of the very beginning local level projects to introduce the idea of a nation wide electronic health record and to start the design process of what it might look like. Do you know who fought against it and did not want it? The patients! They were (rightly) concerned about confidentiality but we could not get them to understand how dreadful the security is around written records.

I can understand it was upsetting, but he was doing a thorough history with your son and making sure everything relevant was recorded. It was especially relevant being an injury in the same place.

I think he was trying to be kind, perhaps he could tell you were upset and wanted to acknowledge it had been a difficult experience for you.

Dyslexia has nothing to do with it apart from your own worries and guilt.

I would take it as an opportunity to book a few sessions with a counsellor to work through your thoughts and feelings and unresolved trauma from ‘brushing it under the carpet’.

The injury being on the right side of the brain would have affected his left hand side , not his right. So it's definitely not the reason he is left handed .