AIBU not to be questioned by a&e staff over an injury that happened to child 15 years ago?

[HorribleTime]

Long story short, terrible accident when DS was a baby.
He fell and had a subdural haemorrhage and needed emergency surgery.
It was an awful time and even though there were no retinal bleeds to indicate shaken baby, we still had to ensure a full social services report which nearly made me have a breakdown.
It was all closed very quickly and he had no lasting damage / all milestones met so I’ve tried very hard to forget about it.
Sadly, he had to attend a&e yesterday due to a sporting injury I was concerned re concussion so I gave the doctor the history as the bump was on the same side as his original scar etc which worried me more.
He asked a whole tonne of questions in front of DS who obviously knows what happened but thinks like “ well it must have been a very high drop “ - it actually wasn’t - it was explained to us at the time that because he was under a year old that the side of the head is still quite soft hence the bleed but with no fracture.

He then nodded along to this, did some observations and sent him for an X-ray ( arm as slightly swollen due to the fall ) and on his return asked if he suffered any “ deficit “ since the injury as a baby.

I started feeling myself become tearful and said that all checks showed he was developing at a normal rate but he does have dyslexia ( I’ve always worried this was caused by the injury in some way or marked as dyslexia and it was in fact related in some way ) and he then asked what hospital he was seen at and if he was taken to a major trauma unit.

I couldn’t read him and have been overthinking it ever since.

I assumed all hospitals were now linked so thought every a&e doctor could see anything they wanted to so I don’t understand all the questions.

At the end he went to hand me a head injury leaflet and then said “ you probably know all this after having such a shock before “ which sounded kind but I am left feeling like he was scrutinising me and I don’t know why.

DS is 15, not 5 - he speaks for himself and answered all the usual questions himself so I can’t see why all the questions were asked.

Not sure why I’m asking here but DH thinks I am paranoid after what happened so I don’t have anyone else to let this out to 😢

Not only are hospital records not linked, data protection and retention policies mean most are destroyed after 6 years.

he just wanted to know medical history nothing sinister no they dont link up even if it was same hospital he wouldnt know

The doctor hasa job to do they can't go 'we need medical info but won't bother asking incase it upsets someone'

It is not a conspiracy

The doctor was doing his job, and was being thorough.

I am sure it would make you uncomfortable, but it sounds like you still haven’t got over it l? Would talking to someone help?

I am in therapy as I have never really got over it all and it’s affected the way I parent in every way for both children

I had no idea dyslexia was related to Autism - my DH is ASD and I am on the pathway and my younger child has been diagnosed so this would make a lot of sense if DS was on the spectrum but he’s had no other issues schooling wise aside from dyslexia type issues so haven’t felt a need to try and obtain a diagnosis

I do find myself constantly worrying if the head injury as a baby is the reason he’s left handed ( injury was right side ) and that he struggles with reading and so on but he’s done very well generally at school.

I am traumatised by what happened and it’s all been brought back to the forefront, not helped by my very logical DH who just repeats all is well and he was just doing his job.

My emotions are always way over what I think is in the “ normal “ range - maybe PTSD.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply - that in itself makes me tearful that strangers would bother to reply to such a pointless thread so thank you 😢

WTF? A 15 year old lad comes in with a sports injury and you think the dr makes enquiries to determine if he was assaulted on the playing field?

Left or right handedness is apparent in the womb - babies suck either their left or right thumb, and also there is a hereditary component. It is unlikely to he anything to do with the accident.

All the best people are left handed OP.. Well I would say that wouldn't I!

No it’s not a subset of autism!

It can co-exist along side autism but they are two distinct conditions. Many people have dyslexia without autism and vice versa

I called 111 recently after my child bumped their head.

‘Have they had any brain surgery?’ was one of the standard questions I was asked by both the initial call handler and later a nurse. I assume if you have had brain surgery previously your risk factors may be different following a head bump/possible concussion.

Dyslexia is genetic. Much like autism and ADHD, it usually runs in families.

Definitely not caused by a fall. ❤️

He was being a doctor.
Doctors are matter-of-fact.
He was not being a shamer.

At some point, you’re going to have to put that 10,000 tonne bag of guilt down.
By this time next year, it’ll weigh 100,000 tonnes and then what will you do?
You didn’t harm your baby. In your heart of hearts you know you didn’t harm your baby.
Tell your conscience to STFU. ❤️

Safeguarding at our local hospitals is massive. As a foster carer I took one of our fc and they asked so many personal questions about their family and how often they saw them etc which had bugger all to do with their injury. Thankfully the young lad was fine about it but another fc would have been hysterical having to talk about her family.
Our goddaughter was questioned when she was injured on holiday with DM and dm's partner. How had it happened who was there why is her dad not there. What is his address
How many Siblings (half) live with dad. What are their DoB, not at all relevant or needed at that time

I fully understand the need for all information that is required but some was definitely not necessary and others could cause massive distress. As a foster carer I can provide all necessary information when booking in instead of asking distressed child.

I hope you can be kinder to yourself - you didn't harm your son when he was a baby, and you didn't cause his dyslexia, or being left handed. I don't know any family who hasn't had at least one child in hospital when they were little, and it is so scary, even though so common.

I'm glad you're getting therapy, you need to forgive yourself, there was no bad intent, it was an accident. He's obviously fit and active if he's playing sports - can you think about the wonderful things about him?

My son in law had to go to hospital with severe headaches, he has hydrocephalus, it started when he had a cyst in his brain when he was 4. He had to go through all his history from being 4 to being 25 now. They just need to get a full picture of what his medical history is, you would hate them to miss something that could be linked to a previous injury. Whenever I have needed Xrays of my feet & ankles they show up previous breaks & fractures, I always have to tell them what each one was & when it happened.

It's called 'taking a full medical history'.

Your 15 year old can answer questions now, but he obviously cannot remember what happened as a baby, but you do.

Yes the Dr probably could look at your DS's records but that doesn't tell him/her how much you understood about what happened.

You might not think it is relevant but it can be. It's like as a woman if you break your arm you will be asked about your menstrual cycle.

Sometimes good doctors are blunt but they care and are thorough. He wanted as many pieces of information as he could so as not to miss anything. You sound like a wonderful mum who was there for him this time just as you were in his terrible accident when he was tiny. I can't believe that everyone (and there are loads) of people with dyslexia had a bump on the head as a baby so it's very unlikely to be connected.

You have a happy, healthy 15yo doing sport, it's time to look at the wins. The only way YABU is if he knows you are listing his "faults" and feeling guilty about them, that would bring out complicated feelings in him.

There is no evidence of left handedness or dyslexia being associated with head injuries.

The Dr was asking you, not him, for two reasons: he was concussed and he can't be expected to remember being a baby.

It might be worth getting professional help over this as it's possible his life will have a few more bumps, like anyone else, and it isn't fair to either of you to frame them in this way rather than part and parcel of life.

Good luck to you both, I hope he gets over his concussion well.

I had a very similar thing with my baby, now a six year old and this encounter would have sent me into a complete spin ( in all honesty lots of things still do and I’m trying cbt to help). So I completely get your reaction, but I really just think the dr was trying to be thorough. Even if it was the same hospital he’d probably still ask rather than trying to find the original record and look through it. Hope this helps!

Even if the doctor did have access to your son’s full medical records, it’d be much quicker for him to ask you a few questions to ascertain the facts then to trawl through 15 years of medical info that would probably be mostly irrelevant. The medical records also wouldn’t include answers to his questions about how it has affected your son since unless he’d been regularly visiting an outpatient clinic to monitor it since he was a baby.

Try not to overthink it. I know that’s easier said than done, but hopefully everyone here and your DH can help to reassure you that this is all completely standard and in no way was the doctor judging you.

Dyslexia is a subset of autism

what?!

@Ottersmith

I think his questions have stirred up a lot of emotions linked to the original injury for you and so you are reading more into it than was meant. It must have been terrifying for you and then devastating to have been investigated when it was a simple accident.

What you have to remember is that Dr's don't know the people who walk through their doors and they have to ask these probing questions to satisfy themselves. Can you imagine being a Dr and finding out you missed an opportunity to save a child from abuse or an adult from dv?

When I broke my ankle the Dr seemed worried about me, she asked me repeatedly to explain how I had injured myself (it was a ridiculous story) and I noticed she did it again when my dh wasn't in the room. I think she was checking I hadn't been injured by my dh.

When my dd was in hospital as a baby with seizures every Dr repeatedly asked me if I'd drunk alcohol in pregnancy.....I stopped being offended by it in the end (I had been ridiculously careful prior to and during pregnancy).

I like to think that if this probing is helping someone somewhere then its something we just need to put up with.

You sound lovely but still slightly traumatised by his injury as a child and you still seem to be carrying a lot of guilt....even your irrational worries that his dyslexia was caused by the fall. Try to be kinder to yourself op.

Hospitals cannot see each other’s notes etc, you’d think they could, but government is so far behind in tech terms. I guess the questions were relevant and you did nothing wrong so I wouldn’t feel guilty.